A Journey of Acceptance at The Gym

I have always been very athletic. I have always participated in both team and individual sports. I have always eaten relatively healthily. That being said, I have never been skinny. I have been ‘overweight’ for as long as I’m capable of remembering.

I’m not unhealthy. I’m fat. I want that distinction to be clear. Skinny is the the equivalent of healthy, fat is not the equivalent of unhealthy. A person with healthy habits can have any body type. A person with unhealthy habits can have any body type.

I’m insecure about the body I seem to be stuck with. It wasn’t the skinny, blonde Barbie’s I had as a kid that ruined my self-esteem, it wasn’t the Photoshop in the magazines, or the thin, white actresses on the TV (although those are probably valid factors to other people), it wasn’t even the other girls in school. None of them were ever mean to me. The person who destroyed my self-image was my father. Despite being overweight himself, he constantly mocked and ridiculed me for the way I looked. He constantly told me that my weight made me worthless. Unworthy of everything and incapable of accomplishing anything. Constantly.

After removing him from my life and moving, I joined a gym. I leave at 4:15am every morning to work out and come back at 7:15am before I have to leave for school. I only eat raw vegetables and lean meats, 500 calories a day.

I have not lost a single pound.

After four months on this diet and exercise routine, I have not lost one single pound. After month two I stopped being frustrated at the lack of change. There’s nothing more that I can do about it than what I’m doing. This is not a weight loss journey for me, this is a journey of acceptance.

I am fine the way I am.

I am worthy the way I am.

I am capable the way I am.

I am not to be judged for the way I am.