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Important Choices that Changed My Life

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About this sample

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Words: 701 |

Pages: 2|

4 min read

Published: Apr 8, 2022

Essay grade:
Satisfactory
arrow downward Read Review

Words: 701|Pages: 2|4 min read

Published: Apr 8, 2022

Essay grade:
Satisfactory
arrow downward Read Review

There comes a point in every person’s life when you or somebody else makes choices and it changes how you intended your life to be. This happened for me at a very young age and it wasn’t easy, it was shocking and hard. My family meant everything to me and I always wanted everyone together. My mom and dad weren’t perfect and after my sister and brother were born my parents began to have problems which caused them to split. After this my dad decided to leave and there wasn’t much communication and we were financially going through a rough time. I knew I had to step up and help her with my siblings. My mom just began to cry one day and said “How are we going to get through this, I have to do this for you guys” I replied back “Mommy I will be your motivating and rising star, I will never leave you and i’m going to help you with my siblings.”

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The choice my dad made to leave did affect me, not only did i have to help my family but i had to make decisions for my future without anyone guiding me. There was a moment i had when i was in the middle of thinking what i wanted to do in the future which was being a paramedic . As days began to go by I had a lot of responsibility, more then I imagined. I came home and made sure my siblings had everything they needed. My mom began to work later and I wouldn’t see her that much. Helping my siblings was hard because they didn’t understand a lot about the situation and a part of me felt bad because they were so young. My father missed a lot of things that a father shouldn’t, little things that always mattered to me. My talent shows, honor roll assemblies little things that I wanted him to be at. He wasn’t the worst father because he called me and my siblings but he wasn’t the best either. I believe my father let my mom and his relationship impact the way he was with us. As I began to grow and get older I realized that I didn’t need a father figure as much as I thought.

My mom worked so hard to provide and my dad just left like it was nothing and didn’t help us financially. Our family was at the lowest point and my mom was trying her hardest to keep us together. I went to school and so many other kids talked about their fathers being in there life but not giving them what they wanted. This only encouraged me to pull through this so I could help provide for my siblings. Nobody knew what I went through and everybody thought my life was perfect. I may have looked strong but behind that was pain and hurt, I was handling things I didn’t think I could.

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A couple of years passed and my mom had made a decision to move out of New York to Tennessee to be closer to her side of the family. This shocked me and made me feel sad but I knew my mom had reason with everything she did. “MOM! Are you sure this is the right choice?” my mom replied “yes honey trust me this will be a new breath of air and I will not be struggling.” My mom also got married to a man who treated her the opposite of my dad and I was happy about that. In that moment I felt something good came out of the struggle she went through and it was weight off my shoulder. I felt so much better moving on in life and my perspective on life was so positive now because my inspiration was my mom and she was able to be my mother and my father all in one. I still had a grudge deep down inside that I would never admit because I wanted everyone to see how strong I was without my father. Now I am sixteen years old, a junior in highschool and have many dreams and goals that I am going to accomplish.

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This essay was graded by
Dr. Oliver Johnson
Essay’s grade:
Satisfactory
What’s grading
minus plus
Expert Review
The essay "Important Choices that Changed My Life" tells the story of a young person who faced a difficult situation and made choices that changed the course of their life. The essay could benefit from better organization, as it jumps between different events without clear transitions. Additionally, some sentences are too long and confusing, which detracts from the essay's overall clarity. While the writer's voice is authentic and engaging, some grammatical errors could be corrected to make the essay more polished. Overall, the essay shows potential, but would benefit from some revision to improve its structure and language.
minus plus
What can be improved
The essay "Important Choices that Changed My Life" is a heartfelt account of a difficult situation that the writer faced when their parents split up. While the essay's focus is on how the writer navigated this situation and made important choices that shaped their future, the essay could benefit from better organization. For instance, the essay jumps from discussing the writer's parents' divorce to their decision to become a paramedic without a clear transition. This lack of clarity makes the essay confusing and difficult to follow at times. To improve the essay's organization, the writer could consider dividing the essay into distinct sections that each focus on a specific aspect of their experience. This would help the reader follow the writer's train of thought more easily. Additionally, some sentences in the essay are too long and convoluted, which detracts from the essay's clarity. For example, the sentence "The choice my dad made to leave did affect me, not only did I have to help my family but I had to make decisions for my future without anyone guiding me" could be simplified for clarity. By breaking the sentence into two or three shorter sentences, the writer could improve the essay's readability and make it easier for the reader to understand their experience. While the writer's voice is engaging and authentic, the essay could benefit from some revision to correct grammatical errors. For instance, the phrase "more then I imagined" should be "more than I imagined" to reflect correct grammar. Correcting these errors would make the essay more polished and professional, while still retaining the writer's unique voice. Overall, "Important Choices that Changed My Life" is a promising essay that could benefit from some revision. By improving its organization, clarity, and grammar, the essay could become an even more powerful and engaging story of overcoming adversity.

Cite this Essay

Important Choices that Changed My Life. (2022, April 08). GradesFixer. Retrieved March 28, 2024, from https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/important-choices-that-changed-my-life/
“Important Choices that Changed My Life.” GradesFixer, 08 Apr. 2022, gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/important-choices-that-changed-my-life/
Important Choices that Changed My Life. [online]. Available at: <https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/important-choices-that-changed-my-life/> [Accessed 28 Mar. 2024].
Important Choices that Changed My Life [Internet]. GradesFixer. 2022 Apr 08 [cited 2024 Mar 28]. Available from: https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/important-choices-that-changed-my-life/
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