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What is fear? Why do we get scared? Ill tell you why, fear is derived from the unknown. As a human being we strive to know and understand it all, but when we find something that can’t be explained, cannot be fathomed, something you see but can’t believe. That’s when we start to be afraid. If fear is not knowing then security is knowing right? Well that’s not always the case. Sometimes not knowing is better than knowing at all.
My walk home has always been a fairly simple task. It’s just a 20 minute walk. With my headphones on it feels like 5. I don’t mind it’s not like I do anything at home. Ever since I got grounded for ditching school I haven’t been able to watch tv or use the computer. Today I didn’t feel like going home straight away. So I went to the nearby woods to listen to music for a while. I took my headphones out for a bit, looked at the falling leaves. “Autumn” I whispered to myself. “fall”. I froze, the voice was unfamiliar. I thought I was alone. I turned to the voice to see …. I don’t know … it looked like a girl. I wasn’t sure at first. It was all black, like really black, like pitch black. It had white eyes and it just stood still. It seemed to be frozen as well like if it was not anticipating me seeing it. Usually in situations like these I would run . I did run actually. I got home and went to sleep. What the actual was that? Questions for tomorrow I told myself as I drifted to sleep.
School the next day was a haze. All I could think about was IT. After School I went to the same spot and waited… for an hour. I was about to leave when I heard “you came back… why?”. I wasn’t to sure myself. “WHO ARE YOU” I yelled at a moderate tone. “you will know”. What? “what are you doing here? I’ve never seen you before”. “everyone sees me. you usually meet me when you’re close to the end” she spoke and I immediately knew who she was. “are you death?” I asked he as I crept closer. “That is the infamous name humans have given me”.What do I do now? “am I going to die?….like now that i’ve seen you?” I said with fear clearly present in my voice. “no… not yet you have a full life left” her words reassured me, I felt better after that. I looked down at my phone and saw the time “hey…uh… I have to go but i’ll be here tomorrow aaand if you want you can meet me back here as well… if you want”. I left before I got a response half because it was getting late and half because I was still pretty freaked.
Next day, I was waiting again. She showed up. “OH! you actually came… I mean I knew you would” I reached into my backpack and took an apple out “you want one?”. She just looked at me with a confused face. “what’s wron..” she cut me off “why did you come back?”. “well I said I would didn’t I?” I told her. “I guess you did…do you want to know a secret?” at first I don’t know if I should I mean this is death I don’t want to die or something. “sure… I guess” she turned away and looked up at the trees. “ I hate myself, especially when young and beautiful life like yours has to walk to me. tell me why you didn’t run” confused from the question I took a second then I answered. “Well you seemed lonely, I know how that feels… Also you told me I wasn’t going to die” she stood still for a while then turned to me and said “tell me about your day..”
I thought back to my day… i’m not to sure what i did, it all seemed like a blur so I replied “i’m not to sure… I can’t seem to recall”. worry started to come down over me. What did I do? the day before. I don’t remember. Why. “I’m so sorry… I really liked you. Usually people run for me and look for my sister. I just couldn’t bring myself to be alone again. I didn’t tell you… I should have”. “what are you talking about?” tears started rolling down my face “TELL ME, please. Please tell me” she came closer. I took a step back then she told me “Just stay here with me.. you don’t have to go, you can’t really go back anymore anyway”. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T GO BACK!?!” I yelled “you had an accident 4 days ago… a car hit you, you are in limbo and the whole process is like a game of hide n’ seek. Without you knowing. If you found my sister you would have lived, but you found me… ultimately you were going to die. I didn’t want to tell you because everyone runs from me foolishly looking for life that isn’t there. They… THEY just waste their time, they keep fighting” I stopped her with my hand and threw up in a nearby bush. “ please understand I wasn’t trying to hurt you I just wanted you not to spend your last moments scared to accept me…” I rose up from being bent over “HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE!”. “do you really want to know?” I didn’t. “Well what do we do know, how does this work? do I just fall asleep or is it painful?” I asked. “It’s not painful…if you want you can stay with me if you want. I can stay with you till the end.” I didn’t think I had a choice anything else I did didn’t really matter anyway. I was going to die. Nothing could change that. Holy shit i’m going to die… “HOLY SHIT I’M GOING TO DIE” it hadn’t sunk in until now. I started to freak out. She took my hand and I felt…better. “yeah… I’ll stay with you…sure.”
We went to a nearby hill and laid down. I told death about my family and friends. I told her about how I broke my arm going down a hill on my bike when I was little. She told me about everything she had seen. Suddenly I heard a big thud. “What was that?” I asked. She could tell I was starting to get scared again “it’s nothing, that’s just the part of process. the outer part of your mind is shutting down. It’ll keep closing in on us as time goes by”. “Im freaking out” I said freaking out. “there’s nothing to worry about you’ll be fine” I trusted her, I mean If anyone knows anything about dying it’s death right… right? As time went by the darkness closed in we kept talking. This was it only the hill we were on was left. I thought about how I prefer this. Knowing me I would have been somewhere in a corner crying and freaking out. That’s no way to go. I turned to Death “Thank you, friend” I’m not going to lie I was crying pretty hard. I hugged her. Then it ended.
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