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In today’s fast paced world. It seems like all we ever do is to get approval of others. Do not agree with me? Answer this then: When was the last time you uploaded a picture on Instagram just for your own self and not to seek validation from other people? Maybe never. The race to get maximum likes on our videos or photos is just another example of why our happiness is directly proportional to how others perceive us and therein lays the problem. You see , in order to please people around us, whether they are our spouses, immediate family members or complete strangers on social media we have dictated our lives to them and the more we try to please them the more we deviate from what we actually are. When you live your life according to the rules and standards set by anyone who is not YOU, you actually move away from happiness and more towards sadness and depression. The only thing you will ever get from this will be a broken heart and a feeling of being taken advantage of.
And the facts prove this statement. Research shows that when are too focused on pleasing others, we tend to neglect others. It’s all natural to be someone whom everyone will find impressive so we do what others want us to do, say what others want to hear and be what others want us to be. We make choices to avoid criticism rather than what is important to us. We hold back our thoughts and actions just because we have been conditioned to make everyone happy around us. But does it help in the long run? Trust me, it doesn’t. All it does is let you sink deeper in the mud hole until you cry out from anxiety, resentment and exhaustion.
So do this today, right now, right here. Stop everything and look into a mirror. Tell yourself that you need to start doing things the way you really want. In other words start your life again. Fortunately help is available but only to those who want to help themselves. Remember, if you think you have fallen into the mud hole, only you can pull yourself out. Here are some strategies to help you in your path of self-discovery.
The first step in changing yourself for the better is to accept that you are having an approval seeking behavior. Make yourself aware that the reason you are constantly pleasing people is because you have certain doubts and insecurities about yourself. When you know that your own emotions and beliefs are taking you down this path, then you can begin to stop them.
People often ask what self-worth is and a simple definition is knowing that you are a good person who deserves good things. If you are having constant negative thoughts about your own self then you go on a mission to seek approval from others. When your own sense of worth is low, you tend to believe that whatever you do will never be good enough for others, so you out perform all our actions every day, just to hear good things about yourself from everyone, Just to feel loved and worthy of attention. So from today onwards, take a decision. Learn to accept yourself for who you are. Focus solely on what makes you happy, rather than thinking what other people will feel about this. This is what self-worth and self-confidence is.
The next time anyone says that your choices are wrong, rather than believing them right away and choosing something they want, hold on a minute and think. Who knows the best for you? Is it you or them? Trust your guts and become aware that whatever you are doing is ultimately going to benefit you. Learn to take decisions for yourself. Push all the doubts and judgmental thoughts away and focus on this truth only; only you can make yourself happy. So why not for a change, do things that please you.
Our biggest cause of unhappiness is when we begin to compare ourselves to the lives of others and take decisions based on their handling of the matters. Realizing that we are unique and best in whoever we are and whatever we do will stop the need of comparison or others’ approval.
A good tip for you is to write all the negative thoughts and feelings you have every day. BY negative, we mean whenever you think you are feeling low just because of someone else’s actions or words, just write them down. Then by the end of the week, read and reflect on them and see what changes you can make in your life to reduce them. BY eliminating these thoughts from your life, you will feel positive and energized and become the master of your own self.
When you have truly conquered the art of seeking approval only from yourself, you will see that others around you will appreciate you too. And if they do not: Ask yourself, do you really want to be surrounded with people who drag you down? The right people will love you for who you are. They will respect your choices and will be there for you no matter what.
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