I will admit I was a little selfish and self-center in the beginning; instead of being there for her I was wallowing in self-pity. Try as I might, I will never be able to comprehend the pain and fear she must have felt. The concept of death at such a young age is hard to grasp, even for someone as mature as her; she struggled to put on a brave face for her family and friends.
At least with me, she could drop her brave façade and be vulnerable. The whole entire situation brought us even closer than before if that was even possible. The six months before she passed away felt like a gigantic, never-ending roller coaster ride. I spent every waking minute I had left with her, doing all the things we normally do and beyond. I would sleep over at her house, and we would stay up late quietly conversing about everything and nothing; it usually ends with the both of us bawling our eyes out, a cathartic experience.
When she finally passed away, I was devastated, to say the least; it did not feel right not having her by my side. I reverted to be the bitter, spiteful, and angry teen; I had no tears left so I resorted to the one thing I had in abundance: anger. Consequently, my middle school year was a rough period for me, I was in in school and in life in general.
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People always say that time heals all wounds, I did not understand what they were saying until now. As I spend more time reflecting on my past, I can see how much I have changed since she passed away. I am not the same angry little teenager anymore: I realized that the best way to honor her is to make something out of my life and be successful. When I transition to high school, I vowed to stop mourning and instead find a way to make her proud. She always loved learning so whenever I feel like giving up, I would think of her and I would have power through. She was my main motivator, always encouraging me to be the best and even now I strive to be better for her. Not only am I living for me, I must live for her too. To succeed in life, I feel like college is an important step to take. Moreover, I will do everything in my power to be a success story, just so that when I can see her again I can tell her that I lived my life to the fullest and found success.
