A Personal Account of Events that Have Contributed to My Development

My childhood was filled with life lessons that have shaped the person I am becoming and the beliefs I developed. The lesson that has the highest degree of influence in my life is the one constant in this world is that life moves forward, time never stops for any of us and we cannot stop time when there are bumps in the road. Inner strength, perseverance, and determination are required to succeed in life and overcome the obstacles as they appear.

Throughout my childhood and early adolescence my parents struggled to keep food on the table, and a roof over our heads. My parents worked diligently through each obstacle, representing the necessity of hard work and determination. “Parents . . . who have an identity investment in their own interpretations and values, define a child’s reality . . .” (Mezirow, p. 2, 1991). When I was 15 my father lost his job, the mortgage on our home had doubled just months before. During this time my great-grandmother fell ill and my parents began taking care of my great-grandparents. My great-grandfather promised that if my father would postpone the job search he would ensure that our home was safe. A year into the illness the mortgage company decided to begin foreclosure proceedings. My great-grandfather refused to save our home, and my parents were forced to sell. Within a few weeks after my sixteenth birthday our home was gone and we were homeless.

My parents pushed through, and we moved into the basement of a friend. They both started new careers, working as many hours as possible and pushing past the pain and fear to create a new starting point. The level of awareness and understanding I was able to maintain during this time allowed this specific situation to become woven into the fabric of who I am as a person. Although I was this conflict directly affected my life while it was happening, most of what I learning during this period was absorbed unconsciously as I observed my parents actions and listened to their arguments and beliefs.

Leaving childhood and adolescence behind the transformation to adult learner is a conflict in itself. Lysaker and Furuness (2012), state that, “. . . examination and reintegration of aspects of self is fundamental to our conceptualization of the meaning of transformation” (p. 185). How does the adult learner separate the aspect of self from the active role of rational learning? The transformative theory discussed by Mezirow (1991) in Transformative Dimensions of Adult Learning, presents the method with which the learner interprets information. Mezirow (1991) states, “[i]n transformative learning . . . we reinterpret an old experience from a new set of expectations, thus giving a new meaning and perspective to the old experience” (p. 11). Reinterpreting the experience allows the adult learner to break the habitual emotional response (Mezirow, p. 11-13, 1991).

At the age of sixteen being homeless triggered anger, jealousy, sadness and fear. When faced with an obstacle that must be tackled I am often faced with one if not all of the emotional reactions. I have learned to respond based on the feeling of panic that first enters (Mezirow, p. 13, 1991). Before an emotional trigger can be fixed it must first be identified, and the adult learner must determine that a transformation is necessary, and put the matter in order of importance with other conflicts.

Making this determination requires investigation into the basis belief, how and why it was formed, and where flaws in the interpretation are present (Mezirow, p. 35, 1991). The flaws in my interpretation of strength, perseverance, and determination is directly linked to the anger at my great-grandparent, the fear associated with losing material possessions.

Active work on the part of the learner is the only way to succeed in making a change. Mezirow (1991) states, “[w]e imaginatively reconstruct an earlier meaning by the same process of projection, interpreting what we know in the new and unfamiliar situational context” (p. 29). To reconstruct the meaning of anger and fear I must practice, retrain my brain to extinguish the emotional reaction and respond with logic.