How a Person’s Identity is Rooted in Their Identifications

Introduction

Sun streaked blonde hair, and ocean blue eyes. I remember praying that one day I would look like the rest of my friends. While growing up, I mostly attended Caucasian schools and was surrounded by American pop culture. However, at the same time, it was also instilled in me by the tight-knit network of the families of my Korean American church, the sense that Korea was my homeland. This led to a lifelong struggle to determine which nation is my true "homeland".

How a Person’s Identity is Rooted in Their Identifications

Born in America and raised as a Korean, as a second-generation Korean American, I’ve faced moments of uncertainty about what I call myself. I believe in the importance of staying true to yourself by respecting your originality, honoring the traditionalism of your culture, and appreciating family. Ever since I was a child, my mother always told me never to assimilate to the ways of the “worldly” people. She sent me through countless hours of Sunday school, where I memorized Bible verses and stories, all in an attempt to shape me into being the “perfect” morally balanced Christian.

In the Korean American Church, where my parents were respected elders and highly involved, I eventually realized that Korean culture reflects back on your parents. Every action and how I presented myself determined how I was treated by the rest of the church members. How you dressed and your presentation was seen as the proper “mannerism” and a key factor in judging if you raised your child “the right way”. This constant stress and fear of judgment motivated my choice to switch to an American church, searching for acceptance. There, I was immediately accepted and felt a greater sense of belonging, regardless of race. This led me to identify more as American, proving the claim of diversity and acceptance of differences in the land of the free.

Struggle with Identity

In school, because I was treated like everybody else and never sensed myself as different except for my appearance, I called myself American. Unconsciously, I surrounded myself with American friends and adapted more and more to American culture, falling into the backdrop of mainstream America. I wanted to look like my friends, wanting to change my hair color or eyes to feel an even greater sense of belonging. My heart began to harden toward the strict nature of Korean culture, and I slowly grew further apart from my Korean roots.

Raised in a household where my hands quickly grew accustomed to the smooth keys of a piano and where grades were important, I had to be better, faster, and smarter at everything. I assimilated into the “Americanized” way of life, and my rebellion against being the best in academics and refusal of traditions, such as wearing the traditional dress on holidays, shocked my parents and clashed with their ideas, which had been influenced by their upbringing and immense pride in their home country.

Embracing Korean Roots

My parents had never experienced this; my older sister was the perfect Korean child, the complete opposite of how I was acting. They decided to send me to Korea. In the land of America, where I had no other family, they wanted me to go to the country where the rest of my family was, hoping to reconnect me with my Korean origins. Unwillingly, I was flown to Korea, leaving my parents and all my friends behind. When I arrived, I embarked on a journey through what was supposed to be the land where I was from. The longer I stayed, the more intrigued I became. I relished the fast-paced environment and was astonished by the highly populated cities full of lights.

Starting from one of the poorest countries after the war, Korea is now one of the wealthiest countries in the world, a testament to the people’s diligence. Traveling to the mountains, a famous landmark in Korea, I realized this excessive pride in Korea. Staring at the 5,000-foot peak of the mountain, I felt a sense of pride that this mountain was unquestionably, undeniably Korean. The dirt, trees, and cliffs of this mountain were filled with the same values and ideals that I was raised with.

Conclusion

I understood that the strict environment I was raised in was because my parents possessed the hardworking, diligent nature of Korean culture. I became ashamed that I bought into meaningless stereotypes while avoiding the true identity that I possessed as a Korean. I know all the casual claims second-generation Korean Americans make regarding their parents, all of which I do not refute. To this day, these stereotypes are evident in my mom’s shrill voice as she demands I study my math textbook or practice piano. However, had my parents not sent me to the land of my ancestors, moving heaven and earth for me to accept my origins, I never would have been able to embrace and be this proud of my country. This shows their immense love and support for me and how important it is to keep traditionalism alive.

A person’s identity is rooted in their identifications, in what they associate themselves with. What a person associates with ultimately defines who that person is, for all identity is ultimately in relationship to something else. As a result, I believe in the importance of staying true to your origins, the significance of traditions in your culture, and the appreciation of family. With this, I proudly call myself Korean-American.

References

Kim, E. J. (2020). The Korean American experience: Navigating between two cultures. Journal of Cultural Identity, 12(3), 45-60.

Lee, S. (2019). Understanding the Korean Diaspora: History, Identity, and Community. Korean Studies Review, 22(2), 78-95.