A Tale of How I Met My Best Friend

Introduction

Friendships are important for people's well-being and development, but how close friendships are formed is a topic that has been somewhat neglected. The present study addressed this issue by asking people about integrity-transforming turning points in their relationship stories with those they considered their best friends. The resulting narratives were explored using a narrative analysis framework centering upon a systems theoretical approach to understanding communication, meaning-making, and selfhood.

Friendship is a valuable relationship desired by humans and of concern to society. There is literature on how people meet romantic partners and fall in love for the first time, as well as the processes underlying initial interactions with strangers. Research focuses on sociodemographic predictors of friendship choices, proximity, and shared interests as points of reference. Some studies address the consequences of friendships on well-being, longevity, and health. Close friendship formation studies are limited, as are psychological perspectives. This study aims to explore friendship formation. A narrative is more than a recollection; it represents and reflects life, including the relationship systems of the narrated, social systems, circumstances, and the narrators themselves. Individuals are more than their assumed roles in different contexts.

The Importance of Friendship in Human Life

Deeply ingrained in the human experience, friendship appears to serve both psychological and biological purposes. More than 40 years ago, friendship was defined as a necessary contribution to an individual’s well-being, health, and mental ability. Different from family relations, which are typically unchosen, friendship can greatly contribute to an individual’s sense of identity and normally comes with a connotation of deep affection. In an individual’s life, friendship becomes increasingly important following losses in other areas such as work, marriage, or family. Research also revealed that friendships are not only affected by life events and social norms of certain age groups, but the move to a new stage of life may actually affect the friendship base itself. Closely related to the stage of life is the environment in which individuals grow up and develop: friends are usually part of the social network within the cultural surroundings and are therefore also influenced by society, norms, and upbringing.

Despite diverse expressions, the importance of friendship also emerges in scientific research across fields and especially within sectors interested in studying the impact of social factors on an individual’s life. A comprehensive analysis indicated that mental well-being is significantly related to multiple social relationships and is especially affected by relationships and interpersonal harmony. Moreover, friends are often the ones individuals turn to when they need social support, and companionship has emerged as one of the most important functions friendships serve in human lives. The perception of not having sufficient friends or the fear of never making any is linked to lower life satisfaction and decreased mental health. In fact, it can be argued that losing one’s social resources poses an even bigger risk in modern societies than it would in traditional, collectivist cultures: social isolation increases individuals’ risk of developing both mental and physical health problems by a significant amount. It can therefore be concluded that friendly relationships serve multiple functions for humans, requiring attention to their formation and maintenance not only in research but also at a more practical level.

Narrative Approaches in Psychological Research

Narrative approaches are becoming increasingly popular in psychological research about how people form and develop personal relationships. Collecting and analyzing stories can foster understanding of both the complex, situated nature of relationship interactants' experiences and the interpersonal dynamics between those involved. Indeed, a critical view of interpersonal experience and relationships argues that we can only come to understand them through engaging with others' stories or telling our own. Stories let others in to the very often hidden lived experience of what happens to people psychologically in relationships and give us a profound insight into the relational universe of the storyteller. Developing these general insights for the particular focus of our study, narratives about best friendship formation, we could forecast a single friend who can recount a personal story of how their best friendship formed, telling us much about the meanings they ascribe to that relationship.

Three main narrative approaches to hearing stories have been developed in sociology, social psychology, media, and cultural studies. These are classical narrative theory and discursive narrative analysis. Classical school focuses on the narrator's voice, while the structuralist school emphasizes the story and happenings within it. We combine empirical and narrative approaches to researching how people perceive their narrated stories as unforeseeable lived conjunctions and meaningful social relations. Psychological studies can be criticized for treating participants as statistics, ignoring the richness and meaning of their personal stories.

Methodological Considerations in Studying Friendship Formation

Friendship formation is a major process taking place in our everyday life. Given that this is so, it is surprising how little we actually know about how people move from being strangers to being friends. This is surprising for two reasons. First, our ignorance is surprising because it impacts negatively on our knowledge of these key social relationships, wrongly forcing the focus of sociological and psychological friendship studies onto what it is like to be 'a friend.' Second, it is surprising given the relevance of relational dynamics between people in several fields of psychology, such as interpersonal, cultural, and social psychological studies, which focus on the emergence and consequences of social categories and relational dynamics. This is particularly curious given the focus on everyday behavior in the field of narrative psychology and the simple fact that friends can tell us so much about their relationship history.

Research on friendship formation in children and young adults has methodological considerations, particularly in terms of access to participants. In the field of narrative psychology, the focus is primarily on studying adult categories of friendship or contemporary Western friendship. When researching with children and young adults, it is crucial to establish trust and provide clear information about the research. Consent from all parties involved, including the child, parents, and/or legal guardians, should be obtained to ensure ethical conduct. Privacy and confidentiality are key considerations, with interviews conducted in a comfortable and secure environment. The researcher must protect the participant's identity by using pseudonyms for publication.

Case Studies of Best Friendships: Stories of How People Met Their Best Friends

Case studies

Samantha and Robyn bonded over a shared dislike of another mother in their children's gymnastics class. They quickly became friends and Samantha sometimes takes the day off to see Robyn at work. Robyn was there for Samantha when she was in the hospital, the only person she trusted. Makisha met Crystal in eighth grade and they've been best friends ever since. They carpooled daily from Dolton to their challenging commutes, always laughing the whole way. Makisha hated her job but loved seeing Crystal at work.

The women interviewed developed friendships in various contexts. Many stories shared the surprise element, as a seemingly insignificant event turned out to be life-changing. Some pairs took months or even years before becoming best friends, but all felt immediate warmth upon reflecting on their first meeting. Whether they met at work, school, or far apart, they described important scenes in their friendship, highlighting key elements like shared experiences, laughter, and emotional connection. Reflecting on these narratives may help understand one's own closest friendships.