Theme of Love in Quartett by Heiner Muller, Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb and Times Square Blue by Samuel Delany

Defining Love

For many, love can be defined as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. Nevertheless, it can also be defined as a sexual passion or desire. One of the various meanings of sex can be seen as feelings or behavior resulting from the urge to gratify the sexual instinct. However, most associate and confuse love with the definition of sex by using them interchangeably. They interpret love as a display through sexual intimacy or physical attraction. Since during most occasions feelings are involved during the act of sex, one can feel as though that one is displaying or receiving love. In the readings, Quartett by Heiner Muller, Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb, and Times Square Blue by Samuel Delany one can see the many definitions of how love was defined by the characters or people in each reading. First, in Quartett, Muller presents a dialogue between two ex-lovers who were having a perverse love affair before the French Evolution. The two lovers expressed their feelings for each other openly and sometimes even crudely. Secondly, in the essay Times Square Blue, Delany looked at aspects of New York City affected by the Times Square Development Program. He grieves the loss of the strip of sexual release that 42nd Street had to offer. The people who ventured on 42nd Street into the pornographic movie theaters or shows were not necessarily looking for love but for someone or something to feed their sexual desires. Lastly, the article “Marry Him,” Gottlieb gives advice to single middle aged women to settle down before it is too late. At first, Gottlieb dreamed of marrying her soul mate but as she journeyed though life and went from partner to partner she began thinking that her standards were not realistic and instead of waiting for true love she should have settled for comfort and stability. Since everyone has a different interpretation on what love is and on how to love, no one really knows what definition to follow. However, sometimes how they chose to define it can delay them from discovering the meaning of true love. They must differentiate the difference between the love and sex and value that difference by having respect for the meaning of human sexuality which is part of what enables people to find live real love.

Because we live in a sexually obsessed society and culture, people are hindered from finding the real meaning of love. When sex is treated just as a form of pleasure, people lose the sense of what love is. They only know the sensations of what the feelings of having sex brings them which holds them back from truly loving with the heart and not the body. Delany states in essay “there were encounters whose important aspect was that mutual pleasure was exchanged—an aspect that yes, colored all other aspects, but did not involve any sort of life commitment” (56). The people having those sexual encounters at those porn theaters were only seeking moments of enjoyment. They were using their bodies not to express love itself but using one of its elements, such as pleasure which is an instinctive urge to get something in return. By living this way, these people will never experience the true satisfaction or pleasure of love. Similarly, in Quartett, the two lovers treated or expressed their love through pleasure. It seems as though the foundation of the Merteuil’s and Valmont’s relationship was sex. The character Merteuil even stated that “the greatest bliss is the bliss of animals” (Muller 108). They both enjoyed and viewed sex as a primitive thing and only loved through physical moments. Their relationship exemplified how they defined loving each other as long as they physical desire is considered and met. They needed each other to satisfy their thirst for sexual pleasure, which surely is not love. Sex is in a way, an aspect of love, but when it is only seen as a form of physical enjoyment then it cause people to only love to quench their desire or to gain pleasure. If they cannot discern that love is separate from sex then they will delay themselves from truly loving someone through their heart, mind and soul and not just through the body.

Sex should be seen as sacred. Since sacred means to “set apart”, then sex should be set aside in a place of honor between a man and a woman that truly love each other. Sex should be something that is between a husband and wife. But how can one ever find that person to marry if they do not respect the meaning of sex? The answer is that they will not. Consequently, in Marry Him, Gottlieb’s advice to women was to just to get marry, settle and “don’t worry about passion or intense connection” (78). She was simply saying that love is not a factor when considering marriage. The women should just pick any one to marry regardless of their standards or their dreams of find their soul mate of life partner. For this reason, many people are in marriages that do not work out and just end up being single and alone anyways without ever discovering real love. Similarly, in Times Square Blue, most people were sort of following the advice that Gottlieb set to give to middle-aged women. Though they were seeking passion, they only wanted passion for the moment and not a deep connection with someone. Delany stated that “ A glib wisdom holds that people like this just don’t want relationships” (40). The people he was referring to was the people went to those porn theaters, even though they claimed they did not want relationships, in reality they were still having a relationship with that person especially if they met the person on a regular basis. They were just having relationships that only displayed the physical aspect of love and no deeper connection beyond that. However, because these are not treating sex as a sacred bond between two people then they will never experience the relationship of two people mutually loving each other. In this way, they will still remain blind to the definition of love because they did not have respect for the true meaning of sex.

People often do not consider love when searching for long term romantic-happiness. Sometimes, they are intentionally putting up walls and boundaries around their heart when they only use sex as the form of connection in the relationship. In Quartett, the character Valmont sates that “happy he who could make the clocks of the world stand still: eternity as an eternal erection” (Muller 109). Valmont was saying that a person will be happy as long as they have sex apart of their life. He did not mention anything about having love. It exemplifies that if one has only passion as well as a companion to share it with it, and then there is no need to have love, thus making sex the sole basis of their bond. It is like they are using sex to replace that thought of being lonely. One may think that if one continues to experience the feeling of passion then somehow one will avoid being alone. Thus, this is one reason why some women consider settling or eventually settle. Similarly, in Marry Him, the author states “but the message is the same: more important than love is marriage” (81). Gottlieb is stating that while searching for a companion or partner, one should consider what will make one happy in the framework of marriage than in the context of the heart. However, will just settling for just being in a marriage ultimately make one happy? It does not seem so. If a person commits to have a life -long link with someone then he or she can never truly bond with the other person. one needs to consider that the other person that they chose to settle for, may not perceive life the same as he or she and wants more than just stability and passion in the relationship, they want love as well. Thus, people should realize that sex is something that should be respected , it should be an act performed by a man and woman who mutually love each other. When one discovers the true meaning of human sexuality then one will began to realize that love is something that they want to have and will want to have a relationship with someone who feels the same.

Conclusion

Love is a human experience that involves two or more persons. It may have different meanings and different concepts, but the main point is that all humans at one point or another experience this feeling or some form of it. To some, love is friendship set on fire*, for others maybe love is due to luck or by some off chance, some people love for money or stability in their lives, others love is strictly passion or pleasure. Love is a mysterious feeling that no one person can define and one emotion that can vary in views from person to person.