Discipline in Blended Families and Divorced Homes

Abstract

Studies suggest that the prime responsibility of the biological parents is to nurture discipline, while the step parent plays the deputy or overseeing roles. Blending a family is not easy; it requires the effort of both parents and children to strengthen the bond of the family. Discipline is a critical issue in blended families; concurrently, the different parenting styles presented by the parents can create a division between the biological and step parent. Thus, immediate measures need to be assumed to tackle such a challenge. Children do have varied opinions and perspectives of blended and divorced families; this is mainly because children have a free environment where they can express their feelings to step parents. Challenges such as power struggle and lack of trust to the new family members tend to occur in such families. With this, transitioning is usually not easy for children because they are introduced to a new environment that does not involve one of their biological parents, but a step parent. The good thing is that there are several measures and tools that the biological and step-parents can assume to ensure they curb challenges that may arise with the formation of such a family. Once the biological and step-parents collaborate in parenting, they can adequately address issues of discipline, overall growth, and academic performance.

Introduction

Do children welcome the thought of blended families with open hands at first? Blended families are also referred to as stepfamilies or complex families. The term describes families where both or one parent has a child when they enter the new relationship; however, the two partners combine to form the new family. Blending a family is not easy; it requires the effort of both parents and children to strengthen the bond of the family. Discipline being in place can prove to be a problem in a blended family, and the different parenting style presented by the parents can create a division between the parents. Thus, immediate measures need to be assumed to tackle such a challenge. Children do have varied opinions and perspectives of blended and divorced families; this is mainly because children have a free environment where they can express their feelings to step parents. Once the biological and step-parents collaborate in parenting, they can adequately address issues of discipline, overall growth, and academic performance. Studies suggest that biological parents have a prime responsibility to nurture discipline, while the step parents play the deputy or overseeing roles; failure to this usually results in chaos and lack of trust discipline in blended families.

Background

In blended families, parents have a hard time finding a balance between the different roles they are supposed to play. Parents who come into a blended family come with new experiences and perceptions about taking care of and discipline the children. With this, parents might find themselves divided between who should do what part and this may create challenges for the parents. The best thing to do is sit down, and separate roles and the biological parent should take an active role of discipline the children while the step-parent needs to act as a deputy who would reinforce the rules instead of forming new rules.

Effects on Adults and Children

Children in a blended family gain new experiences as they are introduced in a new environment, where rules change, and new relationships need to be developed. Children take time to cope with divorce or the death of a parent. This would affect them as they are being introduced in a new family. Children may find it hard to warm up to the new step-parent. The children might be used to see the new parent as a friend to their biological parent, and the shift in dynamics may leave them confused, and they may end up resenting the parent because they may feel they are the reason for the divorce or the death of their biological parent. This may lead to loss of respect and trust towards the step-parent. Finally, when children start to warm up to the new parents, they might have mixed reactions and emotions feeling that they are betraying the love and trust they had towards their biological parents.

As the step-parents come with their children, a power struggle in the form of sibling rivalry may occur between the children, and this would result in strife. Children may feel that they need to compete for dominance and attention in the household, and this may also affect overall growth and academic performance. If the step-children are better at certain things, children may be worried that their biological parent may prefer them to their biological children.

Ways to Stay Consistent With Discipline

As both the parents and children face challenges in a blended family, the issue of discipline on the part of the children arises. However, parents have several options and measures that they can adapt to ensure they instill discipline in children without creating a divide within the family members. Consistency in discipline is important because it helps in forming definite boundaries between the parents and the children. At every single time, parents need to ensure they observe discipline and provide an environment where children would find it easy to express their feelings and emotions.

Parents need to be clear on what they mean when they give instructions and directive to children. When they say “no” children need to understand why they are being given that response: when they are told “yes” they need to understand why they are being allowed to express a particular behavior. Forming definite boundaries may be challenging to step-parents as they may face strong defiance from children; however, this should not derail their consistency in enforcing discipline or make them express hate in response to resistance. Instead, they need to show love and understanding, and this may make it easy to maintain consistency when imposing discipline.

Ways to Support Children During Transition

The transition process when introducing new parents is, and it should be noted that children take time to process what is happening around them be it death or divorce of a biological parent. A smooth and effective transition provides children with the basis of trust towards the step-parents, while a bumpy transition only hurts the relationship between the children and the step parents. Spiritual guidance is an important tool that facilitates the transition. Explaining to children that God controls everything that happens around them and that every aspect and dynamic in life has a reason behind it makes it easy for them to understand and accept changes. Step parents also need to give space for the biological parents to enforce the rules they form; they should assume the position of a deputy to allow the children to follow the rules easily.

Transition is also effective when the parents are reading from the same page. Parents need to show children that their relationship is working, and they are enjoying each other’s company. Children do see what is happening in the household and when they notice that the parents are not in good terms they would also find a reason to be indiscipline and not approve of the relationship. Thus, parents need to agree on various issues such as disciplining the children and forming rules before they approach the children. They should not argue in front of the children; instead, they should do it in closed doors for the benefit of making the relationship in the blended family blossom, while making it easy to maintain discipline in the home.

Raising children in an environment that provides comfort enables them to be open about their emotions and feelings. Thus, it is essential to place children in groups where they are going to explain their likes and dislikes vividly; this is a great way to get children to express their thoughts and emotions. I believe that when children express themselves, it becomes easier for the step parents to learn how the children want and would like to be treated. This provides the basis of respect and trust in the household, and it makes the biological children feel their interests are prioritized. Trust cuts in both ways, the step-parent need to trust the children enough to allow them to freely express themselves, while the children should trust that the step-parents want the best for them. It is important for parents in blended families to introduce the notion that God is in control of every situation as this would allow children to understand He is control of everything. This allows both biological and step-parents to impose discipline in the household.

Conclusion

Do children welcome the thought of blended families with open hands at first? They do not as they face various challenges that make it hard for parents to uphold discipline in the household. Concurrently, this affects the overall growth and academic performance of the children. Poor transition processes, lack of clear boundaries, poor communication, and poor relationship between the parents might cause children to show negative behavior. The good thing is that there are several measures that parents in blended families can implement to ensure there is trust and respect in the household. Parents can ensure children express their emotions and feelings openly. The parents need to show they are together and read from the same page. The step parents need to act as deputies as they allow biological parents to enforce and state the rule that children need to follow. From the discussion, it is understandable that biological parents have a prime responsibility to nurture discipline, while the step parents play the deputy or overseeing roles; failure to this usually results in chaos and lack of trust discipline in blended families.