The Role of Birth Order in The Relationships Between Siblings

The Role of Birth Order in The Relationships Between Siblings

Introduction

Relationships can be a very curious thing. Anything could spark a new relationship, but like a garden, relationships need to be properly tended and cared for to grow into something amazing. The most curious of relationships are the ones that people are effortlessly given, or born into. These relationships are the ones within a family. Each single member in a family has a distinct relationship with every other single member in the family. The included relationship types are between mother and child, father and child, mother and father, and child and child. Sometimes, the relationship between siblings is the most curious. Siblings are the only people in the world that can understand and relate completely with each other because they grew up the exact same way. Siblings are typically raised in the same house by the same parents and are around the same people. A sibling can be a sense of consistency, and a lifelong friend. Given the many similarities in their lives, I have often wondered how siblings can have completely different personalities. Studies show that oldest children are typically more independent, reliable, controlling, and achievers. Middle children are typically people-pleasers, adaptable, and mediators. Youngest children are typically more of the attention-seekers, uncomplicated, dependent, outgoing, and sometimes wild ones. I believe that birth order plays a major role in the personalities of children. Each child will have distinct characteristics predetermined solely because of the order in which he or she was born, and it also plays a role in sibling rivalries exhibited.

Birth Order and Personality

Many different studies and opinions exist regarding the topic of birth order and the personality of children. According to Jeffrey Kluger, first-born children tend to be bigger and healthier, better vaccinated, and smarter, with more serious and striving personalities (Kluger, 2011). The middle-born child seems to be “caught in the thickets,” more overlooked, harder fighting for recognition, and more likely to find deeper relationships outside of the home. The last-born child tends to often be the “wild child,” with more charming, funnier personalities (Kluger, 2011). Once considered and analyzed, the reason for these particular characteristics makes sense. The first-born child has full attention from both of the parents. Having full attention means the child is constantly worked with and talked to, which can make him or her smarter. Also being the first child, parents typically do everything above and beyond to make sure the child is properly cared for, which is why first-born children tend to be bigger, healthier, and better vaccinated. When the next child comes along, parents are more aware of what is necessary and how to be a proper parent, which means maybe not as much food or as many doctor visits for the second child. By the time the last child comes along, parents have seen just about everything and are pros at parenting, however, this does mean maybe a lack of attention for the younger two children. The most obvious reason for this is more kids for the parents to split time between. More often than not, it is the middle child that fights harder for recognition and tends to be overlooked because he or she is not the oldest, but still not the baby. These children sometimes have trouble with self-esteem and often take longer to find his or her direction in life than the other children. Meanwhile, the first-born child must face everything first without any help or experience, while also helping take care of the younger siblings. This causes the child to maybe grow up a little faster, and be more serious and strive to achieve more. This is why first-born children are more likely to be CEOs, senators, and other high-end jobs. They tend to work harder and earn more than other siblings. Finally, the last-born child is the baby of the family, and usually the most spoiled. The youngest child often has fewer or less strict rules than the oldest had, which sometimes creates a “wild child.” The youngest child also tends to be the more charming and funnier one simply because he or she needed to learn some way to get by with two bigger siblings. This need to “get by” and “survive” among other siblings makes way for sibling rivalries.

Sibling Rivalries

Sibling rivalries will always exist, no matter how good the relationship is. Two people so alike and different at the same time and around each other the great amount of time that siblings are, are bound to clash. One study shows that children of the same age and gender are the most likely to have a sibling rivalry occur at any given moment, however siblings of any age with the same interest may also compete more (Gaille, 2014). A positive is that sibling rivalry can be healthy. Children with siblings learn at an early age to resolve conflicts. They learn to share, work together, play together, and stand up for themselves, which helps with confidence and social development. In order for the sibling rivalry to be positive, parents need to intervene. According to many abuse statistics, the oldest child is typically the abuser in rivalry situations (Gaille, 2014). A few simple ways that parents can help by not showing favoritism toward one child, giving each child one-on-one time, and not expecting the same from each child. As long as sibling rivalry is effectively managed, which parents can help with, it can aid in a healthy childhood and relationships between siblings.

Conclusion

Despite the birth order, the differences in personalities, and the rivalries, siblings have a bond like no other. A sibling bond is something that can last a lifetime, and every single person with a sibling needs to understand the power and importance in it. The dynamic within a family is more than just meets the eye. The relationships between members, especially siblings are extremely interesting and unique. Each child within a family seems to fit a particular role, and when the entire family is together, all of the different personalities just seem to work. The oldest children are typically more independent, reliable, controlling, and achievers. Middle children are typically people-pleasers, adaptable, and mediators. Youngest children are typically more of the attention-seekers, uncomplicated, dependent, outgoing, and sometimes wild ones. Many studies, facts, and examples support the idea that children exhibit these particular characteristics because of the order in which they are born. The unique interplay of these roles and personalities is what makes sibling relationships a fascinating subject worthy of deeper exploration.

References

Kluger, J. (2011). The sibling effect: What the bonds among brothers and sisters reveal about us. Riverhead Books.

Gaille, B. (2014). 23 profound pros and cons of sibling rivalry. Retrieved from https://brandongaille.com/23-profound-pros-and-cons-of-sibling-rivalry/