Discussion of Whether Equality is The End of Chivalry

“What is a man if not chivalrous?” a sentence that was as common as the air our colonial ancestors breathed. Unfortunately, much like the polluted air to which we are subjected to in the 21st century, the above sentence has tarnished and had its share of rust and decay. Chivalry, a trait which was considered to be the essential element in the metamorphosis of a man from a boy. A practice which was synonymous to be being educated and well-bred has fast become the epicenter of feminism sentiments brewing across the planet. Sprawling its inferno wings deep down the patriarchal society relinquishing with it not only the unjust and unnecessary practices but also the primary essence of manhood and replacing it with something that lacks basic courtesy and respect towards our better half. The recent events that have catapulted women’s voice in all spheres of lives is well gestured and warmly welcomed by all, and most of all me, however, these feelings have taken an ugly turn because of a few misguided concepts and thoughts. For example, ideas that chivalrous men are simply pepped up, public school bred fancy lads has become very common. These falsely motivated ideas have uprooted and blurred the lines between civilized societies and uncivilized ones. Implicating not just the imitators but also the genuine ones. For decades these gestures have been the roots of our standards. Through thick and thin, from the time of the Knights Templars to the East India Company, decency sprinkled with chivalry has emitted an aura which has resonated through hearts of ladies and through sands of times.

Opening the door for a lady, interchanging paths if a man’s walking behind a woman he isn’t acquainted with, saving the last bite of food, walking on the outside of a sidewalk, offering the jacket on chilly days. Today, these traits which primarily defined a groomed man, is taken as a gesture of offense towards women and is seen as a defiance towards the MeToo movement, an enormous worldwide phenomenon, which has helped many women find their voice in a patriarchal society by calling out sexual predators and mental tormentors at their work place. In my earnest view, a lady is indeed capable of running a company well and being a part of the board, this does not entail any special requirements on her part and no special treatment on the men’s part. Nevertheless, opening the door, standing up in courtesy as she takes her seat, offering her water, carrying an extra hanky is simple basic courtesy. Nothin’ more and certainly nothin’ less. When these special privileges are in fact rendered, rather than feeling gust with pleasure its rather perceived as a sign of oppression and dependence of one gender on the other. In our lust and desire to improve our society, reconstruct it, break us free from the bondage of shackles that hold us back, we have blurred the lines between what’s acceptable and what’s not. We are fire balling towards having a society deprived of mutual-respect, gratefulness, consent that it no longer feels a civilized one. All the tasks that once defined an educated man from an uneducated man are no longer relevant. Chivalry has become the center of much hatred in the past few decades.

On the contrary, supporting Chivalry has gotten me into a lot of arguments with my so called Feminists friends. Staunchly, they argue that Chivalry is a threat to gender equality. Originated during medieval times, where the position of women was per say very submissive. They were required to wear tight corset, heavy skirts and stiff footwear, and were usually very dependent on the other gender for performing simple tasks. Chivalry at that time was a masculine chauvinistic act to establish dominance and enforce the idea that women are too weak and dependent, to perform simple tasks such as opening doors. Alas! I wonder, even in the ‘humankind’ age of the 21st century aren’t we employing chauffeurs. Are they not the one whom we entrust with duties like opening the doors and driving us around? “Small tasks” they say, each and every decent household in India employs some or the other form of house help, or at the very least tries to, to get these same “small tasks” done. Trying to breakthrough and grasp this severely contrasting picture that these hypocrites so carelessly portray brings me to two conclusions. Either we, the ones who employ them, are inferior and subordinate to them and are being dominated by them or, coming to the more rational approach, our duties and tasks triumph over these trivial day-to-day details. This is precisely what I argue, rather than rattling over these mundane issues, we must band together to see the bigger picture and catch the Moby Dick. My friends argue, about how they are financially, emotionally and physically independent and do not have to rely on a man to pay for them, and so chivalry is very much outdated in this generation, where women and men are both fighting for equal rights. It does not only make the women submissive and look dependent, but at the same time gives a burden of added responsibility to the men, that they didn’t sign up for. It is simple a way to keep the female gender dependent on the male gender and make sure the patriarchy stays right in its place.

For decades’ chivalrous men have been the flagbearers of civilization and have depicted what true men should do. A true gentleman uses his stature not only to be chivalrous towards women but also encourages the people around him to be gentle and kind towards our better halves. It acts as a guide for every boy with do’s and don’ts for the rest of his life. For me, Chivalry is a way of using my privilege to protect and respect women at the same time and yet living by the fact that they are definitely entitled to take decisions of their own. Why should the car door gesture be seen as a sign of dependence why can’t it be seen as a sign of support – “that no matter the decision my lady, I stand by you and support you, come what may” Chivalry simply helps us reinforce the idea, through daily acts for all the things that the women do, accepting it wholeheartedly is what we simply crave. Accepting something isn’t really that hard is it?

I even came across an argument which branded me as a coward for not having the guts to accept change and move forward. It was said that it is weak and immoral on my part to be resisting change for change is the only constant. I agree unreservedly, yes change is necessary and change is inevitable but I believe it takes much more strength in accepting flaws and trying to ameliorate them. Rather than scraping something off completely and washing our hands off it. In my sincere opinion, that is precisely what cowards would do, write something off because they are too naïve to raise a voice and contest the traditions. This is where I differ, I believe in this tradition but strive to make it better and in line with the views of the 21st century because I neither argue nor suggest that chivalry in its medieval form is perfect and that it should be preserved no matter the cost or the consequence. Nevertheless, what I do stand for, resolutely, is that scraping the idea of being grateful to women is wrong and materializing it in something called as chivalry and then practicing it in the habits of our day to day lives is actually very hesalthy. Like all things chivalry too needs to adapt and change itself to accommodate the views of the 21st century. Just because steam engines are inefficient in today’s time doesn’t mean we stop using trains altogether. We improvise, improve and build upon our past to ensure a better future. This is precisely what I rally for. I say so because Chivalry acts as a gesture to show the women that you respect them and all the things they do for you. Chivalry is not dead and men can definitely be the knights in the humankind age by learning to spot the subtle, more meaningful gestures.