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Have you ever been afraid of something? Do you know the feeling when the fear makes your whole body shiver? Have you ever been in the depth of despair? In case you are reading this and cannot get my point then you are a lucky beggar. However, in most cases, people are in a constant fear of something. It can vary from a simple creature to some broader concepts such as a fear of being lonely or a fear of darkness. Frankly speaking, I have always been a coward fearing about almost everything in the world. There were millions of thoughts in my head like what if I do not enter the university, what if I do not pass the exam, what if the parcel I ordered from abroad will not be delivered in time. I know that it may sound ridiculous, but this is what I am. Although I believed that the situation with my emotional experience caps it all, this summer, I realized that it could be worse.
My last vacation was spent in the mountains with my family. It was fantastic. Just imagine living in a comfy cottage, breathing in the fresh air, listening to the sounds of nature, wandering in the forest. It was a dream. Yet, this positive experience is now associated with deep sorrow. The next day I came back home I got to know that my grandfather was seriously ill. In fact, he was terminally ill. Doctors could not tell precisely how long he was going to live. They said that it could vary from a few days to a few months. He managed to live for 3 weeks only, out of which 2 weeks he even could not get up or eat. I felt awful being unable to help him or to lessen his sufferings. Only three weeks… I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him, but time does not wait. He passed away at night. Those three weeks I spent in fear of death. I lost my appetite. I lost my sleep and, finally, I lost the belief in the happy future. If I did have a few hours of sleep, I had had bad dreams that terrified me. It was extremely difficult to steel myself for his death. Perhaps, it is because he was a very good-hearted person with a horrible fate. My grandfather was born in 1945. Already in the womb, he became an orphan. The war took his father. Thus, he never knew him by the face. Everything he knew was his mother’s stories.
Growing up in a family without the father was very difficult. He started working immediately after graduating from school. He was a strong support not only for his widowed mother who stayed faithful but also to his older sister. Her life was not easy as well. Being a kind man, my grandfather helped everyone who was in need. His death made sad many people who knew him. Living in a fear is devastating. I was physically and emotionally drained. I could hear that someone was crying. I thought that I did. In fact, I misheard. The problem was in my head. Those sounds did not leave me until his death. It was difficult not only for me but for my whole family. His death brought us a time of great sorrow. However, we try to resign ourselves to the inevitable and go on living.
One thing I know for sure is that my life will never be as it was before my grandfather’s death. This event had an impact on my personality. As people say, one never knows what the future holds. I drew one very important lesson from my grandfather’s death. I have understood that there is no need to worry about tomorrow. Worries are no good since they break our soul into small pieces. Thus, in my life, there is no place for fear. Furthermore, the family is the most precious value in a person’s life. It is necessary to spend as much time as possible with one’s family members. Moreover, time does not wait, and tomorrow may be too late. That is why I live each day as if it is the last one. Do not live your life in fear. Enjoy every minute of it and keep calm.
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