Examination of The Influence of Technology to Romantic Entanglements

The challenge that arises when looking for a romantic partner is not a novel one, and is a challenge that often requires help in order to solve. The modes of assistance have changed throughout history, but in our modern age, romantic aid unsurprisingly comes in the form of technology, such as online dating platforms or chat rooms. The permanence of technology in courtship and dating is unwavering. From all heterosexual American couples who met in 2009, one-fifth reported they first met online, which is two times more than the number of couples who have met in college (Orosz, Gabor). Out of the 54 million single Americans, 41 million tried dating sites at least once (Orosz, Gabor). Annually, an average user spends $239 on online dating services annually (Orosz, Gabor). Consequently, the need for examination of its potential risks and implications cannot be understated, as it is vital in achieving society’s hope of healthier and happier romantic relationships.

Technology has undoubtedly allowed for more ease in which to meet a romantic partner than ever before. However, technology’s gospel of convenience and comfortableness may pose problems for what has always been a vulnerable and intimate institution. For instance, many studies have been conducted to examine the pervasiveness of dating violence conducted through technological means. Also, with technology now playing a pivotal role in the instigation and strengthening of relationships, self-disclosure is now a huge concern, especially among adolescents. Furthermore, online communication now presents a new, more secretive way in which to be unfaithful in relationships. Thus, with the prevalence of online dating platforms on the rise, society must fully examine the effects it may have upon the dynamic of the romantic relationship, specifically in the areas of dating violence, self-disclosure, and infidelity.

Online dating is most certainly a product of today’s overbooked and over-stimulated world. Prior to the modern era, arranged marriages were the “matchmaking” standard for most of the world, and a love connection was born secondarily, if at all. Until recent history, couples married young, and if an individual remained single passed their early twenties, there was a severe social stigma attached, and these individuals were often thought of as undesirable (Flug, 2016). However, with the advent of the printing press in 1685, single individuals were then able to publish personal matchmaking ads in the newspapers (Flug, 2016). However, it was not until the 1930’s and 1940’s when dating began to be separated from courtship, and for the first time dates were not thought of as an intention to marry (Flug, 2016). While this thinking still persists in the modern era, it is now coupled with an increased desire to pursue a career, marry later, and a decreased importance placed on the institution of marriage as a whole.

With today’s individuals busier than ever with career responsibilities, traditional norms of dating simply take too much valuable time. In the 1990’s, the trend of speed dating was born, providing a quick and convenient way for busy, work-focused individuals to still find romance. Lives move quickly, and individuals no longer have the time necessary for old-school courtship (Tønder, 2008). The advent of the Internet in 1985 boomed in popularity, as did this new dating trend, and eventually the two coincided, resulting in the first online dating platform. Sites now cater to specific groups of individuals such as Black People Meet, Christian Mingle, and Farmers Only, and more recently, the advent of the dating app has provided singles with innumerable other singles at the swipe of their screen, based on their desired geographic area and age range. Online dating essentially has replaced the need for old-school-style courtship, and whether this substitution is positive or negative, its outcomes must be assessed.

The rise of technology has created a new avenue for social interaction; one that studies have indicated may be used for negative agendas such as dating violence. Electronic aggression and cyberbullying today are to be considered major public health concerns, as from 2000 to 2005, a 50% increase in online harassment was reported (Draucker, Martsolf, 2010). In an ongoing qualitative study called, “Adolescent dating violence: development of a theoretical framework,” data is collected describing how dating violence unfolds via technology, in this case, among adolescents. One of the biggest instances of dating violence is in the case of monitoring or controlling the activities or whereabouts of a partner (Draucker, Martsolf, 2010). In this data collection, examples included instances in which a partner would check up on the other by calling and texting, often multiple times. In one instance, a woman’s partner called her 80 times a day when she left for college (Draucker, Martsolf, 2010). Likewise, individuals will often curtail their activities in order to avoid an onslaught of calls and messages from their unhappy partner.

Similarly, dating violence via monitoring often ensues by a partner repeatedly scrutinizing their partner’s text messages, calls, voice mails, etcetera (Draucker, Martsolf, 2010). If unfaithfulness is suspected or determined, violence often supervenes. On the other hand, a scenario is also considered a case of dating violence if one partner limits the other’s access to him or herself, such as ignoring calls and texts, blocking on social media, or even changing his or her phone number (Draucker, Martsolf, 2010). Lastly, “youth also described how technology was used to end a relationship, and, in fact, most who described this experience did so in a “matter-of-fact way, indicating that this was a common way to end adolescent relationships today” (Baker, Carreño, 2015). While these findings do not support the claim that technology increases dating violence, they nonetheless assert that technology has changed the dynamic of relationships.

In addition, the increase of online dating corresponds with an increasing of questions surrounding self-disclosure, as individuals begin to pursue relationships with individuals they do not know offline. “Self disclosure has been defined as any message about the self that an individual communicates to another” (Gibbs, Ellison, Lai, 2011). Communication through technological means allows for individuals to present themselves selectively, which consequentially causes individuals to question others’ potential misrepresentation or utter deception (Gibbs, Ellison, Lai, 2011). Individuals on dating sites desire to present information that makes them stand out amongst others, yet are constrained by the fear involving revealing too much to an individual known only via computer. Online, an individual is absent the affirmation guaranteed by mutual friends or shared social context that an offline context would provide (Gibbs, Ellison, Lai, 2011). In studies done on self-disclosure in computer-mediated interactions, the findings were that participants engaged in increased self-disclosure in a computer-mediated interaction versus a face-to-face interaction (Gibbs, Ellison, Lai, 2011). This finding was attributed to anonymity, shared interests, and lack of physical presence were likely to foster self-disclosure ((Gibbs, Ellison, Lai, 2011). Therefore, online dating has not necessarily created problems for self-disclosure, but has created more instances in which for problems to arise.

The introduction of online dating has evidently also changed the fundamental sanctity of relationships, as infidelity takes on a new technological dynamic. The modern era has produced a situation in which a partner can simultaneously enjoy a familiar and intimate relationship, while also experiencing the thrills of the dating scene. In one study that focuses primarily on chat rooms, the findings were that online infidelity typically occurs in secrecy, as online infidelity is much easier to hide from the other partner (Mileham, 2007). While online infidelity is not the same as physically cheating on a partner, it was found that most partners felt as or nearly as hurt and betrayed as they would have been if their partner had been physical with another person (Mileham, 2007). Furthermore, it has shockingly been reported that one-third of divorce litigation is due to online affairs (Mileham, 2007). This is due to the fact that technological advances have allowed for individuals, including those in committed relationships, to meet other people sans the traditional, incriminating route. The instant gratification of perusing the dating scene is alluring, especially if a partner can do it within the safety of his or her electronic device. Technology allows infidelity in a new dimension in which partners can experience sexual interaction with someone other than their partner, while remaining completely unexposed. While this is not to say that technology increases relationship breakdown, it does nonetheless provide a new outlet in which to be unfaithful.

Therefore, although the advent of technology is too recent to be able to establish causal relationships, it is clear that technological advances such as online dating, chat rooms, etcetera, have nonetheless profoundly altered today’s romantic relationship. After analyzing several studies on dating violence, it is clear that scholars cannot attest to an increase in dating violence attributed to technology’s interference, but technology has certainly provided new avenues in which to enact violence against a partner. In addition, technology’s intervention has produced new instances in which an individual must monitor their own, as well as others’ self-disclosure. However, the positivity or negativity of these findings has yet to be studied. Lastly, technology certainly presents additional opportunities to be unfaithful, as well as presents a way in which a partner can experience a committed relationship and the dating scene, simultaneously. There are many other effects of technology upon the dynamic of the romantic relationship, but these three have been most studied. As aforementioned, although no causal relationships can be established, it is important to study and understand technology’s effects scrupulously, as presenting the studies performed on just these three areas have revealed technology’s extreme changes for the romantic relationship. Therefore, technology’s effect on the relationship dynamic cannot yet be determined as positive or negative, but as technology continues to advance, the romantic relationship will be affected accordingly, possibly in even unprecedented ways.