Gossip and Communication Between Males and Females

Introduction

Many people have a misunderstanding of what gossip is. They believe it is when you talk bad about someone that isn't in the conversation. Gossip has many definitions, and again it all just comes down to how you would like to interpret it. According to Tannen (1990), gossip doesn't necessarily have to be talking against someone but can also be talking about them. It can range from secrets to rumors among other things. Besides, it can even be yourself gossiping to your friends, keeping them updated about what is going on in your own personal life. Gossip can serve as a social glue, helping to form relationships and build trust with other people.

Gossip and Gender Differences

Deborah Tannen focuses on this topic in Chapter 4 of her book, where she explores how gossip happens for the most part between women and that men do not like to gossip. She explains that men do not like to gossip; they just like to talk about news and solve their problems. Men often aim to protect their status, while women prefer to share intimate details with their friends. In addition, she elaborates that women are the ones who gossip, and men are the ones who engage in small talk that serves a larger purpose (Tannen, 1990).

Emotional Expression and Support

During the reading, Tannen explains that women are more affectionate and concerned about most situations. For instance, in an example she provided, a couple had broken up, and the woman was the one mostly affected, sulking in the problem, while the man went out with his friends and moved on quickly. This is where the woman gets in contact with her friends and starts gossiping about the situation, paying close attention, and coming together to help the friend get over the breakup. This example illustrates that males value their independence, while women value the intimacy of their relationships.

When women want something fixed, they want to talk about it and have a basic understanding. Women express understanding and will establish similarities and matching experiences to make conversation. For example, in the paragraph from the chapter called “Matching Troubles,” Eleanor explains to Patsy that she has fallen in love with a married man. Patsy acknowledges her situation, makes sure she knows she understands, and then continues by sharing her own experience. Lastly, she brings the conversation back to Eleanor, apologizes for sharing her experience, confirms the similarity in experiences, and encourages Patsy to share more. Women will establish similarities and matching experiences to facilitate conversation (Tannen, 1990).

Cross-Cultural Communication

The cross-cultural language between men and women and the way each expresses themselves differently in the same situation can cause conflict between them. Women often complain that when they share things with men, they do not listen because they aren't paying close attention to details, aren’t making eye contact, and their body language says a lot. However, just because women expect a reaction from a man through his body language doesn't mean he isn't listening. Men have different ways of approaching situations when it comes to gossip and may not show emotion. As previously stated, men often refrain from showing emotion because they are convinced that is a characteristic of women.

I agree with this statement because when I share things with my male friends, I want them to look at me when I am talking to know that they are paying attention. When their attention is focused elsewhere and I notice, I get upset and stop telling my story. Then they give me their attention and ask me to continue with my story. All along, they have been paying attention; they just have a way of paying attention without showing it.

Conclusion

Overall, Tannen's analysis suggests that men and women are in a subtle competition to see who will be superior in terms of gender dynamics, but this is a competition that will never have winners. Understanding these differences in communication can help bridge the gap and foster better relationships between men and women.

References

Tannen, D. (1990). You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. New York, NY: William Morrow.