How to Improve Your Relationship with Yourself

So often we hear people talk about broadening that network, nurturing relationships, but never enough about the most important relationship in our lives – the one with ourselves. If you’ve been extra focused on the external factors in your own life, we encourage you to stop every once in a while to practice self-care and develop a better relationship with yourself. Not sure where to start? We have the antidote…

Establishing a big picture goal for yourself is important so that you can identify the path you’re on and understand why you’re on it. If you’re not sure what your deepest desires are, journaling and therapy are great vehicles to becoming more self-aware and understanding the why behind your actions. We all know by now that there are moments when life has us beat – this “big picture goal” will remind you to keep doing what needs to be done.

Nobody is perfect – even the most seemingly perfect people have insecurities. You can’t do much about what you don’t like about yourself (unless you opt for plastic surgery, but even then there are bigger underlying issues); however, you can learn to accept those flaws and love yourself. Remember, those who are self-accepting exude confidence and beauty inside and out, and they wind up attracting more positive experiences as a result.

When you enjoy doing something and you feel confident about doing it, you’re probably exercising your strengths. However, if you don’t enjoy doing something, then there’s probably an opportunity for improvement. Knowing your weaknesses is equally as important as knowing your strengths so you can outreach for help in those areas. It’ll make your life a million times easier and allow you to focus on what you do best.

When you have a strong relationship with yourself, you don’t need validation for your actions, the way you look, or where you are in life. Living in an era where everything appears picture-perfect with the swipe of a screen can draw out our deepest insecurities… We start to compare, obsess, and nitpick. Those are all forms of unnecessary and external validation… Refocus on your efforts on building a strong foundation of yourself and there won’t be a need for “validation”.

Embrace stillness. Being by yourself with no distractions allows you to clear your mind, focus, and think more clearly. It also helps you discover things about yourself you may have never realized, which is so important when we’re in a world that’s feeding us information after information. There is so much relief in unplugging and unwinding!

It may not be possible to put yourself first all the time, but don’t neglect your needs. Putting yourself first means listening to your body and doing what it’s telling you whether that’s sleeping early, exercising more, eating nutrient-laden foods, or quiet time. It also involves outside factors like putting an end to abusive and/or unhealthy relationships and closing your circle to those who take advantage of you.

Works Cited

1. Dweck, C. S. (2008). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
2. Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change. Guilford Press.
3. Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. HarperCollins.
4. Pennebaker, J. W., & Smyth, J. M. (2016). Opening up by writing it down: How expressive writing improves health and eases emotional pain. Guilford Publications.
5. Rosenberg, M. (1965). Society and the adolescent self-image. Princeton University Press.
6. Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Free Press.
7. Seltzer, L. F. (2012). Autonomy in middle and late adulthood. In Handbook of autonomy (pp. 495-514). Springer, New York, NY.
8. Van der Kolk, B. A. (2015). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books.
9. Whitbourne, S. K. (2016). Adult development and aging: Biopsychosocial perspectives. John Wiley & Sons.
10. Wood, A. M., Linley, P. A., Maltby, J., Kashdan, T. B., & Hurling, R. (2011). Using personal and psychological strengths leads to increases in well-being over time: A longitudinal study and the development of the strengths use questionnaire. Personality and Individual Differences, 50(1), 15-19.