Helicopter Parents: It is Leadership not Ownership

Many believe the more protective you are of your children, the more successful they turn out to be. Helicopter parenting is not always the answer. To be a “Helicopter parent” is to hover over your children’s head, to be part of their every problem, to never letting them experience problem solving on their own and finally to hurting their responsibility trait. Holding tight of your kids can be beneficial at times, but overdoing it may result in some consequences. Although doing your parental duties is important, being helicopter parents can hurt the kids for three reasons; the kids will not experience self dependency, the kids will not be ready for adult resorbability, and they will not learn about what they want to do in their life.

First of all, self dependence is very important. Each individual needs to have common knowledge on what to do in certain situations if left alone. Being the over protective parent that will not allow the kid to experience situations on their own, will hurt their self dependence skills. According to “self-Care: Why Do Parents Leave Their Children Unsupervised?, a study that was conducted on children behavior based on the treatment they receive from their parents. Few factors played a role in shaping the child’s personality, one of them was parents availability affecting children’s responsibility. “Presumably, children who are more responsible and mature are better able to provide higher- “quality” care for themselves. (Casper, 287) If someone grows up having everything done and ready for them from their school peanut butter sandwich to tying their shoes in the morning, that will result in bigger circumstances to when they grow older. They will grow depending on their parents to signing them up for school clubs to planning their everyday activities. Kids that grow up like this will result in being clueless about moving along with their day. It is important for children to understand the needs of being responsible and a problem solver. For example, if the parents are both sick and the child has to go to school with a lunch box but they are used to the parents making it. They will end up hungry at school, because they do not have the basic knowledge to at least feeding themselves and preparing some food like; heating up a piece of bread and boiling an egg. If parents were to be late picking up their kids from sports practice, the child must at least naviagte a way to get in contact with their parents. Problem solving is very important and having to do so will help the kids in their future planning. From picking the right friends to solving any social issues they could experience in life, like being shy or even annoying.

Second of all, adult responsibility comes from childhood. A child should experience minor self work. He or she should learn how to walk to school if accessible, walking to the library to purchase books for school, attempting to start homework without a reminder from the parents, etc. All of these minor activities could potentially shape the child into being responsible for incoming adulthood trying situations. For example, if both parents agree to drop their kids at school daily, then the children will ingrain the idea of depending on their parents to go to school. The child will believe that there would be no school if the parents are sick to take them. It is necessary that the child understand that they are responsible for their daily activities and that the parents are only there to guide them through their choices. According to 'Helicopter parents are creating a generation that's afraid to fail', “Children who do not learn to deal with failure may not be able to cope with the knocks and defeats of adulthood.” (Davis, 1) When kids grow to be teenagers, it is extremely important that the parents take a step back. If thinking that hovering over teenagers and being part of their every in and out, then the teenager will get comfortable with such a lifestyle. Teenage time should be focused on understanding self preference and experiencing the pre adult life. For example, being able to work a job and drive a car by the age of sixteen is a major step for getting a taste of adulthood responsibilities. If parents were to gift a car to teenagers with pre paid gas and car insurance expenses, what makes the teen believe in the need of hard work. Gifting children and awarding them is valid, but giving it all can ruin the idea of self building.

Third of all, making decision for the children may result in lack of self esteem. Aspects of child and teenage hood is to learn about what an individual wants to do in life. If children are growing up used to their parents making decisions for them, that could result in kids believing they are not worthy or smart enough to make them on their own. If kids are put in clubs, sports or any other activities chosen by parents; kids will get caught up drawing under their parents expectations. They will end up embodying the picture their parents created for them and not the picture they have the right to create for themselves. Parents should be there to guide and own their kids. It is a matter of leadership and not ownership. According to “THE OL' COLLEGE LIE Lori's kid: I'm at USC to party!”, Lori Loughlin paid $500,000 in bribing to get admission into University of Southern California for her daughter, Olivia Jade. Loughlin bribed Jade’s acceptnace into USC by faking her ability to be a professional crew-athlete. Jade owns a YouTube channel with over a million subscribers and over a million followers on Instagram. When Loughlin got exposed March of 2019 on her illegal actions, hate comments overwhelmed the pages of both public figures. 'How about you put some effort into using your brain instead? Maybe that way you could get into USC by your own merits,' one user posted on her Instagram page. 'Or how about being happy with wherever you gotta go to continue your education because that in itself is a privilege. Your family disgusts me.' (New York Post,1) It is possible that Jade had no idea about her mother’s actions. Loughlin responsibility as a mother felt the need to secure her daughter’s future. Thinking that paying her way in into a well known school is the answer. Jade is now put under all of this social media hate and people looking down on her. Specially the ones that worked very hard and still received a denial letter into USC. School is possibly something Jade never wanted to do. Some comments she has made online express that. For example, Jade has mentioned previously on her YouTube channel that she “didn't really care about school' but wanted the 'experience' of 'partying.' (New York Post, 1) This is a prime example of why parents should take a step back when making decisions for their kids. Allowing kids to naviagte on their own and choose for themselves is a way to help them grow and experience what they desire.

Additionally, being a parent is not easy. There are responsibilities into raising a child and helping them grow mentally and physically. Many parents have hard time believing that kids will not succeed on their own, but that is not always the case. As a parent, it is definite and required to take care of the child as needed. It could be trying to figure out when to do so, but that is not an excuse to hover over their head and own them in every way. For example, Rama Youssef, a 19 year old that fled Syria with her mother at the age of 12. She was “dropped” off in the United States of America as her mother continued to Germany to seek refuge. Youssef’s father got trapped in Syria as Youssef continued navigating her way into school and adulthood. According to The Oregonian, “She completely worked her butt off,' said Barnhart, who added she helped edit more than two dozen scholarship applications Youssef submitted. Her persistence eventually paid off. California Lutheran, in Thousand Oaks, offered her a full scholarship, which covered $40,000 a year in tuition and fees.” Youssef is an ideal example of succeeding without the role of parents. Parents are necessary for guidance, affection and love roles but kids may be able to navigate with or without them. Youssef could have decided to choose another path, other than school. It could have been dangerous. She could have met the wrong people with unhealthy influence. Yet, she chose to make the decisions for her future and control her life. Parents are not part of this particular story and that is why kids should be given the chance to learn a bit on their own.

Overall, parents are an important role in life. It can be trying to manage being an understanding parent without ‘hovering’ over the childrens’ head. It is important that kids get to experience life on their own but have their parents as a guide tool. All of this is important to help the kids create their future story. Parental love is a must but loving too much can hurt the children. Loving cautiously without invading the children's decision and creating their personality traits is the healthy way.