How Sibling Rivalry is Dangerous as Depicted by Ali Newby's Article, a Deadly Sin

In every family that contains two or more children, there is a sense of rivalry throughout the household. Adele Faber perfectly describes this: “Take two kids in competition for their parents' love and attention. Add to that the envy that one child feels for the accomplishments of the other; the resentment that each child feels for the privileges of the other; the personal frustrations that they don't dare let out on anyone else but a brother or sister, and it's not hard to understand why in families across the land, the sibling relationship contains enough emotional dynamite to set off rounds of daily explosions” (Faber, 1987, p. 23). According to The Merriam-Webster Dictionary, rivalry is defined as a “competition” (Merriam-Webster, 2023). In the August 13th, 2011 issue of Insight Magazine, “Rivalry: A Deadly Sin” was written by Ali Newby, a recent graduate with a college degree in Journalism. She describes in this article the struggle she went through to be her own individual and the realization that sibling rivalry is dangerous.

The Perils of Sibling Rivalry as Illustrated in Ali Newby's Article, a Lethal Sin

The article begins with a funeral. Preston, the author’s older brother, was killed in an accident while assisting someone on the side of the road, and Ali feels terrible as she realizes how childish their sibling rivalry was. As such, she is seen reprimanding herself for thinking unacceptable thoughts and indirectly excused as a habit. She stated that “I felt regret when I realized what I was saying to myself. I knew that this sibling rivalry was childish, but the relationship had been like that for as long as I could remember” (Newby, 2011, p. 45). Throughout her life, she lived in the shadow of her older brother. He was seen as perfect, as he was good at basically everything he did; he obtained straight A’s in school and “could instantly play any instrument he picked up” (Newby, 2011, p. 46). Newby did not like this at all, as she was expected to be on his level or even grow higher than her brother’s expectations. Therefore, she struggled to be herself and escape the place underneath her brother’s shadow. At some point in the article, she stated the pressure grew too great for her and consequently she exploded, aggressively pouring out all the pent-up frustration throughout her life. Preston was shell-shocked by his sister’s feelings and sincerely apologized, explaining that he didn’t realize that she felt that way. This experience ultimately cleared the air between the brother and sister, but it certainly did not erase the psychological scars that festered for the past 19 years of her life.

After Newby lost her brother, she grew bitter and reclusive around her peers and her family. She felt depressed as she thought of the unfairness of life; the fact that she lost her brother after they reconciled their feelings on the decade-plus rivalry seemed cruel to her. However, with time, the wounds began to heal little by little, especially after she recognized that her little brother was also experiencing the same sibling rivalry. Subsequently, she comforted him and explained that he doesn’t need to live up to her expectations, emphasizing that God created him to be his own person. This event taught Newby how dangerous sibling rivalry can be if not dealt with. The negative emotions, such as anger, discouragement, and resentment, can eventually destroy the relationship between siblings and will eventually run throughout the family, ruining the home and everyone in it. She decided that she didn’t want that to happen, to allow someone else to feel the pain she felt while experiencing the awful world of sibling rivalry.

Conclusion

This article conveniently demonstrated what the cons of a strained sibling relationship can produce. It is unpleasant and maddening. The constant scrutiny from others, whether it is teachers, parents, or peers, was nerve-wracking and uncomfortable for Newby. She knew that she could never be her brother, and that fact hurt as others expected her to be just like him. She struggled to create the illusion that Preston was still present in her and that he would always be that “perfect” person. But she couldn’t continue the façade and decided to be Ali Newby. However, the weight was still heavy on her shoulders. Eventually, she blew up and told Preston her feelings. Him, being the understanding older brother, apologized, but he shortly after died. Feeling devastated, Newby separated herself from everyone and wallowed in her depression alone. However, she realized that her little brother also felt the sibling rivalry and tried to curve his thinking. The realization that these cycles of rivalry could perpetuate themselves in her own family emphasized the urgent need to break free from them. Sibling rivalry is extremely dangerous and should never be taken lightly.

References

• Faber, A. (1987). Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.
• Merriam-Webster. (2023). Rivalry. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/rivalry
• Newby, A. (2011, August 13). Rivalry: A deadly sin. Insight Magazine.