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Since it’s inception in 1983, the “Internet” and “World Wide Web” have enjoyed increasing international recognition as the largest concentration of utter bullshit on the planet…well, next to Al Gore’s Presidential Campaign in 2000, but that’s not important right now. Today, it is among the most respected and sought-after sources of up to the second fake news and misinformation.
It’s prestige, long acknowledged within the mindless masses of every day citizenry, has grown over the years because the public recognizes the Internet as a medium based solely on who can out-piss who and who can go viral the fastest, and because great care has been taken to preserve the belief that online life is more important than day to day life and that peoples feelings don’t matter. As a matter of fact, fuck your feelings too. The internet has given us such wonderful pop culture sensations such as David Hogg, The Condom-snorting challenge, and among other things the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Well…the Ice Bucket Challenge is cool. The internet gets a pass on that.
We here at the Internet Morality Society do not wish to restrict the rights of the every day citizen, legitimate business and scholarly researchers to post content on the platform for the benefit of internet citizenry, but instead desires that meaningful content be posted for the masses. We must insist that people post with some modicum of common sense. Posting pictures of your plates from Thankgiving is utterly pointless and really gets our knickers in a knot. Everyone is basicly eating the same shit, so we don’t need to see 50 billion pictures of grandma’s casserole or some burnt ass turkey legs. And for the love of GOD, stop posting those stupid as pictures about Chimba, the armless, legless goat herder from Chibawackalackastan who’s goat herd was wiped out in the CIA black ops toilet paper scandal of 2016…which to this day is STILL being blamed on the Democratic Party’s collusion with Russia.
Oh, and please do try to get over that superiority complex thing you’ve got going on. Fighting accross the internet does not make your muscles bigger. If you remember to do that…Yeah….that’d be great. If you could also come into work on Saturday….that’d be great too. We must also insist that people post more cat pictures. We like cats. Cats are awesome after all. We are also appalled by the amount of the internet population that rely on the internet as their sole means of entertainment and human interaction. As James T. Kirk said…err..we mean William Shatner (post tupee era) said, “Get a life people! It’s just a TV show!”. It’s just the internet. It’s not real life. Cavemen survived without the internet for 10,000 years and did just fine.
Last but not least, if ya’ll could curb that god-awful drama, we’d appreciate it. The internet is a joke, not a d*ck. There’s no need to take it so hard.
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