The Fear of Being Judged in My Life

This essay is about the fear of being judged, a feeling that has haunted me since my childhood. Whether it was my inherent nature or the environment in which I grew up, I always shied away from social situations and worried about how others perceived me. This fear became my constant companion, and I would avoid any situation that would put me in the spotlight. As a result, I missed out on many opportunities that could have helped me grow as a person.

My fear of being judged has caused me to become a very shy person. I have always taken the easy way out and avoided standing out in any way. Unfortunately, this has only made my fear worse, and I have found myself struggling with social anxiety. I have become trapped in my comfort zone and have never challenged myself to improve my social and communication skills. However, my university life has given me more opportunities than ever to break free from this cycle.

In this essay, I will explore how my fear of being judged has affected me in the past and how I am now working to overcome it. I am determined to face my fears and become a more confident and outgoing person.

Shyness in simple terms is the act of avoiding social interaction or not knowing how to properly communicate with others. Although I was always an introvert, I didn’t fear being judged at the start.

My school life was a rough start as the school I went to initially was a mess. I frequently got bullied and was failing my class. This was a contributing factor towards my current state. Due to this I was enrolled into a different school. My academic performance drastically improved and although not talkative, I participated in class and in plays or presentations even though I was always nervous in front of a crowd.

I was praised by my teacher for being quiet in class, so when I acted contrary to that I was scolded. Disappointing my teacher was something that really affected me, so I made sure I remained quiet in class for a long time even though now I know that I hadn’t done anything wrong at that time. This was also a contributing factor.

In 5th Grade, I botched 2 plays (or presentations) I had taken a part in where I forgot few of the lines I had memorized and I went dead silent. It took me about half a minute to start talking again. This invoked in me the fear of being judged and laughed at, which is social anxiety. This is where everything went downhill at a drastic rate.

After that experience, I started to avoid participating in extracurricular activities and stopped participating in class in fear of giving the wrong answer and being laughed at. Later on in life I lost confidence in myself and became depressed. I started considering myself worthless and missed out on social events and gatherings. As such, I never really became good friends with anyone and immersed myself into video games at home. I have closer friends online than in real life, which says a lot about my state.

Sometime amid my college life, I had an epiphany and came to realize that I hated who I had become and that I wasn’t going to succeed later on in life if I stayed stagnant and squandered the opportunities I had in my college life and my upcoming university life so I swore to myself that I’d strive to change. Now, I grasp every opportunity to improve myself. I formulated a schedule for my daily life and abided by it, started taking my studies more seriously and got into my preferred university, hung out more with friends, started participating in class and before I knew it my college life was over. Now I have closer friends whom I still talk to and while I’m still afraid of being judged, I’m less shy than I was before. The four years of university life that I have ahead of me are arguably the best for development. It is the best environment to grow, learn and become an overall better person. Although I’m still fairly quiet in class, I try to be talkative so that I can connect more with my classmates and get to know them better. I try to always greet my teachers and participate in class, I try to step out of my comfort-zone and give interviews for societies. All of these factors and the upcoming opportunities such as class projects and events will help me change for the better and little by little, I’m starting to look forward to the future rather than being afraid about it.

Works Cited

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