My Mother's Dark Past

The Worst Night

My family comes from a forlorn country, an orgy of corruption. My mother always shunned talking about it, I never asked her because I never cared. Until our final night together, the night my mother told me about her past, that was the night I really understood my mother. It was a dark, rainy night, my mother laid in bed and I was sitting next to her, all my tears were depleted from crying desperately. I held my mother’s fragile hand and planted a tender kiss on her forehead. She looked at me with her lustrous enormous eyes and said ; Sejal I need you to now the truth, I need you to understand your roots, I nodded in agreement and she began; When I was a little girl my mother used to take me to a river near our home in a small rickshaw, every Saturday after we had honored our gods at the Pagoda. I never liked being part of a pious family, it was too much pressure for a child, but I had no choice. The river was beautiful, with crystal water and exotic flowers with tiers of different colors surrounding it.

After, she would take me to the most horrendous place, the place was called “the forgotten” . That was the place for the homeless, for the unfortunate, for the hopeless. She lingered around it and simpered. After, she will say to me “This is where you will end up if you don’t do as I say, okay Sejal”. My mother was devious and malicious, she only cared about herself and always treated me as an object. I was only ten years old, I was afraid and feebleminded so I did as my mother said until I met your father at the bazaar. It was love at first sight, we looked into each other’s eyes and our connection was impenetrable. Three weeks later we absconded. All my laments and suffering were in the past. I will never have to see my delirious mother ever again, or be forced to reverently execute her commands. Once we had arrived to our new destination an impertinent man received us at the immigration center, he asked us for our documents and when we handed it to him, he was forced to let us go.

After traveling for two days we finally arrived at Kansas,Texas, it was dry as the petals of quince blossoms in the spring, and hot as a volcano. Once in Texas your father and I rented an apartment and you were conceived, the best thing that ever happened to us. Your father and I tried our best to give you Chinese circumstances and american freedom. Now at the end of my life, I want you to know how proud I am of you and I am sorry that I never said it before. I love you Sejal. And then my mother became somber, cold, and still. Her beady eyes penetrated my soul breaking my heart into a thousand pieces. Swanle! Swanle! I closed her eyes and ran outside as fast as I could, on my struggle to escape I tripped over the threshold falling face down on the mud. I immediately got up and ran with no destination. It was the worst night of my life, but it was also the night I realized that my mother loved me deeply and that I am her reflection. After my mother’s death I moved to China and gave alms to the poor, I learned more about my roots and I found myself.