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The Factors that Have Shaped My Personal Life and Worldview

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Words: 1606 |

Pages: 4|

9 min read

Published: Nov 8, 2019

Essay grade:
Poor
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Words: 1606|Pages: 4|9 min read

Published: Nov 8, 2019

Essay grade:
Poor
arrow downward Read Review

See expert comments

I came into the US in 2003 to Kent State University to pursue a bachelor’s degree in BA FinanceThe phrase "BA Finance" is redundant because "BA" already stands for "bachelor of arts." Instead, the author could write "to pursue a bachelor’s degree in finance."

Close Comments. In the backdrop of achieving the American dream, I knew that my life was headed for the best things in life. Little did I know that things are not what they usually seem to be, in the year 2005 I had a baby and the life that I dreamed to have in the land of opportunities seemed to elude me. Drastically, I started to change the view I had held for a long time. I used to base my political view on ideology but now I shifted to practicality. Through what I have been through, now I believe that life gives you not what you think you deserve but what you fight for and for that reason am back to collage to fight for what I deserve. This essay will examine on the factors that have shaped my personal life and how I generally view the world.

'Why Violent Video Games Shouldn't Be Banned'?

I believe that the world is influenced by external factors although my world view is internal. My educational experience has greatly changed my attitudes and believes and the world view in general. I have been taught that I own my knowledge. I have also learnt that I will need to use the knowledge to attain my dependence, my self-discipline and in turn achieve success. These factors have molded the person that I am today, these believes were instilled in me and are as important as they continue to influence my learningThe sentence structure is awkward and confusing. A better way to write this would be "These beliefs were instilled in me, and they continue to be important as they influence my learning."

Close Comments. This learning process has shaped and molded my world view in an educational context. A world view, according to me, can be seen as a combination of; some history, the present, the future and the prevailing environmental factors.

I have again believedThe use of "again" is incorrect because the author did not mention believing this before. Instead, the author could write "I now believe."

Close Comments that the learning environment one is exposed to influences the knowledge one receives and gains. I believe now that knowledge is powerThe phrase "now that" is redundant. The author could write "I believe knowledge is power."

Close Comments, although it has to be taught first and gaining it is a process, once taught it is permanently owned by that person whose been taught (Essay pride.com 2004-2010).In a greater way, my family has also significantly influenced my view of the world. Being the eldest in a family of six children meant that I was well placed in a position of responsibilities and I was like surrogate mother to my siblings at an early age. I believed as the first born, I have to act as a role model to my younger siblings. I worked hard to achieve that, not only in school but also in family matters. My hard work in school proved fruitful when I passed my high school exams and applied to join Kent State University, in America, a country which I thought that by only stepping my foot there would drastically change my life for the better. My application was successful when I was allowed to pursue a BA degree in Finance.

My life in college seemed fantastic at first. I was introduced to partying by my new friends in collage which I quickly embraced. We could drink late into the night and even skive classes the following day due to hangovers. I thought that having primarily focused on education at home, this was my time to 'enjoy' what I had missed. Like most of my classmates, I did not want to be left out and partly due the fact that I did not have a boyfriend from home, I 'acquired' one here in collage. Within no time I realized I was pregnantThis sentence structure is awkward. A better way to write this would be "I realized I was pregnant soon after."

Close Comments. The first thought was abortion, but on closer look I realized that was putting my life in danger and so I opted to carry the pregnancy to the end. I saw my American dream eluding me so fast as life became harder; a pregnancy and my studies. I postponed my studies and in the year 2005 I gave birth to a beautiful baby. After all these ordeals, I sat down and reflected on my life. Why should I be the only one who is suffering and my boyfriend whom we were all responsible for the kid walks scot-freeThe phrase "whom we were all responsible for the kid" is confusing. A better way to write this would be "and my boyfriend, who was equally responsible for the child, walked away scot-free."

Close Comments, why is it that the responsible authorities have not apprehended him for responsibility despite reporting him? All these questions ran through my mind but on closer reflection, I realized that the answers were with me. This radically changed my view of the American dream and the world in general.

In the year 2004, elections were going on in the US and there were two main political parties which had a stab on the presidency; Democratic and Republicans. On scrutiny of the political ideologies of the two parties, a slight majority supported the republicans and thus Bush was elected the president, too bad non-citizens were not voting and so I was left out to have a say on the president who would rule me in the next 4 years. Only one year into office, many complained that they were shortchanged, and they felt that the president was either partisan or not performing his duties as he should. On closure scrutiny of the two parties' ideologyThe correct phrase is "Upon closer scrutiny of the two parties’ ideology."

Close Comments, I realized that these are only terms and conditions put down on a piece of paper and can easily be violated any time, but wait, was this not in America? I have since realized that parties do not perform what is on paperThe phrase "perform what is on paper" is unclear. A better way to write this would be "parties do not always follow their stated platform."

Close Comments but rather it is the willingness of whoever is elected to dedicate and do what they promise the electorate.

I believe that countries should be left to do their own things the way they like. I take an example of the war that America waged against Iraq, though am not supporting Iraq in any way whatsoever I believe that war was unnecessary because the mere reason for America attacking Iraq was to find weapons of mass destruction. But up to date, they are yet to find the weapons. My reasoning is simple; countries should be left to decide on their own destiny. One serious mistake by an individual can affect the whole country and the world as a whole. I experienced the worst in time in trying to achieve the American dream in the year 2005, just given birth, postponement of my studies and now we were being denied jobs as they claimed that the economy was weak and could not support to give foreigners jobs - weak because of trying to fight unjustified wars. My American dream was that no one should judge others simply because they are different or hold different opinions from them.

Life was becoming unbearable, I always thought that because I had led a 'good' life from home then my life should now flow smoothly especially due to the fact that I was in America. How wrong I was. Here I was a successful student not only from my family but also my home country looked forward to completion of my studies because they believed that having a degree from an American University meant that you are among the best. I was destined to work for the blue-chip companies at my home country, but now my life hangs in a balance. I reflected and knew that all these situations should be my turning point. My fall should be my greatest turning point and I felt that I was headed for the best things in life but only if I work for that.

I now realized that life does not give one what they think they deserve but rather you have to work for that. My mere reason of being in America did not just mean that I could realize the American dream, no, but rather work out for it. Fighting for what I deserved was now my driving force. I realized that to realize the American dream that I dreamt for a long time meant that I had to go back to school. And I knew my baby deserved the best, why should she suffer while his father had such a wonderful life, I contacted a lawyer and the father of my kid was given child responsibilities. This enabled me to embark and fight for what I wanted in life and try by all means to achieve it- fight for what I believed could make me realize the American dream at least in my own context. That is the reason that drove me back to school. And I know I will realize my dreams.

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Gaining admission in 2003 to study my college degree in America at the prestigious Kent State University to pursue a bachelor’s degree in BA Finance meant to me that my American dream is already achieved. I thought that things will now work themselves out. Unfortunately, I got pregnant and gave birth in 2005, this signaled my deviation of the American dream that I held for a long time. But my educational experience that I had changed my attitudes and believes and how I view America and the world in general. From what I was taught of owning my knowledge, this is what I finally used to attain my dependence, self-discipline and in turn fight to achieve success. During the American war in Iraq, for most of us foreigners it was hard to secure jobs in the US due to a weak economy. This made me believe that countries should be left to determine their own destiny, because after all the so-called weapons of mass destruction were not found. Having a different opinion on some matters should not be a crime. Now after ensuring that the father of my child is held responsible, am back in college to fight for what I believe I deserve and realize the American dream.

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This essay was graded by
Dr. Oliver Johnson
Essay’s grade:
Poor
What’s grading
minus plus
Expert Review
The essay shows potential, but it requires significant revision. It lacks focus and organization, which makes it difficult to understand the writer's intended message. The writer could benefit from more precise vocabulary choices and improved sentence structure. The essay would also benefit from stronger grammar and a consistent voice. The essay has some errors, including inconsistencies in verb tense, spelling, and punctuation.
minus plus
What can be improved
The essay has some interesting ideas, but the lack of organization makes it difficult to understand the writer's message. The writer should consider starting with an introduction that provides an overview of the main points of the essay. The essay should be divided into paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The writer should use more precise vocabulary choices and improve sentence structure to make the essay more coherent. For example, the writer uses the word "believe" multiple times throughout the essay, which makes it difficult to understand the writer's intended message. The writer could use synonyms such as "think," "consider," or "hold the view" to make the essay more interesting and engaging. The essay also lacks consistency in voice. The writer switches between first-person and third-person voice throughout the essay, which makes it difficult to follow the writer's intended message. The writer should choose a consistent voice and stick to it throughout the essay. The essay has some errors, including inconsistencies in verb tense, spelling, and punctuation. For example, the writer uses the present tense when describing past events, which can be confusing for the reader. The writer should review the essay carefully to correct these errors. In conclusion, the essay requires significant revision to improve its organization, focus, sentence structure, grammar, and voice. The writer could benefit from using more precise vocabulary choices, improving sentence structure, and choosing a consistent voice.

Cite this Essay

The Factors that Have Shaped My Personal Life and Worldview. (2019, September 13). GradesFixer. Retrieved March 19, 2024, from https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/my-way-to-get-bachelors-degree-in-ba-finance/
“The Factors that Have Shaped My Personal Life and Worldview.” GradesFixer, 13 Sept. 2019, gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/my-way-to-get-bachelors-degree-in-ba-finance/
The Factors that Have Shaped My Personal Life and Worldview. [online]. Available at: <https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/my-way-to-get-bachelors-degree-in-ba-finance/> [Accessed 19 Mar. 2024].
The Factors that Have Shaped My Personal Life and Worldview [Internet]. GradesFixer. 2019 Sept 13 [cited 2024 Mar 19]. Available from: https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/my-way-to-get-bachelors-degree-in-ba-finance/
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