Nothing Can Be Done Without Confidence and Believe in Myself

'Your girl is a little bit full for gymnastic. Maybe you’ll try to find another sport?” the strict coach asked my mom. I was staring at this woman with scared eyes and could not understand what I was doing wrong. “Do you want ice cream?” my mom asked trying to cheer me up. “Um, no,” I shook my head, looking at the floor.

Thinking about my life I realize that I truly have to decide how to define my myself. What defines me today? Is it’s what other’s think and say about me, what others say I should do, or even what others expect from me? No, it is none of those things. What defines my life is what I think about me: I believe in myself. But it was not always so.

When I was five years old, I hid in my room because I was too shy to face my family’s friends who periodically were visiting us on the weekends. I just feared having to talk to them. It was only after the guests have left that I would return to my normal self and looked through the gifts they traditionally brought to me. And what I noticed that it's rather interesting how we tend to hide ourselves in the face of the other people; and the main question WHY?

I’ve always been shy and uncertain for as long as I could remember. In elementary school, I only spoke when I was asked to. I had a hard time making new friends because I rarely ever started conversations with the nice kids as thought that if they have. I signed up for various afterschool activities, such as drawing, which my mom told me were a great way to make new friends. But a kid shy as I was could easily fade into the background, unnoticed.

In the 6th grade, I did not have the courage to declare for the position of President in our class, because someone once said that I was not good enough for this. Although I knew deeply in my soul that this my candidature was exactly what the class and school needed. But then I was afraid to object, and my little dream remained a dream. I was depressed and angry with myself, but could not do nothing. Therefore, I began to run away from social situations. My friends did not know what to do and soon, my cell phone stopped ringing. Somehow, I had slowly become

detached from everyone and everything. I became the girl that walks alone to classes and barely speaks. Being shy was mentally and physically exhausting for a 12 years girl, that’s why I decided finally to change. I made several unsuccessful attempts to boost my confidence, I really didn’t know what to start with and slowly began to give up. But as it happens in life, help comes when you do not expect it at all. My Grandma sent me a letter with some warm words: “Nothing can be done without believe and confidence.’’ She wrote. I tried to pronounce these words several time and understood their importance. I just started looking for solutions to my problem.

A whole new horizon opened up my eyes, when my mom introduced me to swimming section in our local pool in order to strengthen my confidence and health. New situations always make us a bit nervous, and my first swimming lesson was no exception. After I changed into my swimming suit in the locker room, I stood quietly at the corner of the swimming pool waiting for the coach. After a couple of minutes, the figure of a person appeared in the distance. I didn't expect to see a young woman wearing a t-shirt with a rather ridiculous inscription ‘‘Best coach’’. She friendly smiled and gave us the first exercise to introduce us to each other. I had many options to introduce myself, but for some reason at that moment my mouth was treacherously silent and uttered only 3 poor words: “My name is Polina Kosheleva”. I remember some sentences with her strict voice. She said that we need to work more with our mental mindset in order to archive something not only in swimming but in our life. Tell the truth, then I believed her and for good reason.

Equipped with a primitive swimsuit and a cap I did my first attempts to swim. I thought it would be fun and a great exercise, little did I know that I would soon be addicted to it and never turn away. I was definitely not a fast swimmer and slowly worked my way up to list. But there was something that separated me from the rest of my group and gave me the advantage. A great desire to work and become a better version of yourself every day. I’ve been through everything you can imagine- losses, injures, wins, friendships, sickness, enemies- yet I would never trade the lessons I learned from that for the world. Truly, swimming is such a fast-moving sport. At one meet you might be ranked number one, then at the next you may finish last.

My appreciation of the world grew, as my hobby transformed from swimming into a professional activity. I began to enter national and international swimming competitions such as Championship of Russia and the Cup of Russia. The highlight of my career was the day the head of our district hand me the award for the best swimmer of the year and stating: “Great work, if we have such sportsmen like you, we will succeed so much!”.

Little by little, thanks to swimming I started to open up. Throughout high school, I began talking to others about ideas which captivated me, like environmental problems and math, rather than frantically searching for common ground. I gave up tennis, realizing that I largely participated for the status it brought me, and joined triathlon club, because I genuinely enjoy running and swimming. I started holding the door open for my classmates almost every morning, greeting them as they arrived at school, hoping to brighten their day. I became engaged in my role on student council, which paid off when I was elected student body president. Even then, it wasn't the role itself that I found meaningful, but the way I could use it to help others. The basis of my friendships shifted from validation seeking to mutual, genuine respect.

It’s almost impossible to describe every aspect of swimming. I have learned to reach goals, to cope with failures, and believe in yourself. But most importantly I feel that my desire for success is greater than my fear of failure. I don’t care anymore about trying to please everybody and I don’t care of what make you good and what make you bad. I accept the fact that, for some people, I’ll never be good enough and, in most cases, there will always be someone better than me. But one of the main things what had realized for 8 years of swimming something else, something that it has given me the opportunity to still be the best I can be and not worry about measuring up to those who have unrealistic standards. I finally realized that I will always be the best me. No matter what, no one can ever be better than me at being myself.