Problems and Establishing a Good Communication in Marriage

Marriage is a union between two individuals to start a family and live together physically, emotionally and spiritually during their lifetime. It begins with sharing of time and place and sharing of the same emotions. Marriage is also associated with individuals' value judgement and worldview. In fact, this situation is more than thought and one of the most important decision in life. So, it requires some important factors such as faith, sensitivity. Effective communication, being understanding and respectful are also some of these examples. However, some couples may have problems with each other and get divorced while others have a happy marriage. In this paper, it will be focused on the reasons of failed marriage.

One of the reasons is difference between individuals. Differences are wide range of problems. For example, social and cultural differences have a big impact on individuals. So, hobbies, traditions of countries or cities where couples come from, areas of interests and beliefs may be different, and they could pose a problem. Especially when social background is incompatible, finding common point may be quite difficult. Another ones are educational and accordingly ideological differences. These interrelated facts have far bigger influence on individuals’ life as it is well known. Thus, their impact on marriage is undeniable. In fact, ideological difference may result from educational difference because someone’s ideas are probable to change positively when they receive decent education. On the other hand, different ideas are more likely to give cause for breakdown of marriage while they may give rise to occuring new ideas by combining together. Considering this fact, financial differences may affect marriage adversely. As an illustration, in Turkish culture, when man has less income than his wife, he generally finds it humiliating instead of making an effort to reach her status as an earner. Another difference affecting marriage is age. According to a research conducted in England, that man is older 52 months than his wife is the most ideal age difference. When the age gap increases, problems between the couple may directly arise. These problems are probable to be based on above-stated different area of interests, different kinds of attitude of mind, and different educational levels, and nearly all of them could lead to lack of communication which is one of the greatest common factors to fail marriage.

Another reason giving cause for failed marriage is bad manner. For example, violence may be the biggest problem in marriage. When it comes to violence, people generally think in terms of physical assault. This is only one type of abuse. Others are psychological abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse or intimidation and verbal abuse such as coercion, threats and blame. All of the abuse types are significant and cannot be minimized. So, they could be based on schizophrenia, paranoia, personality disorders such as antisocial and narcissistic ones, alcohol and substance abuse. In terms of marriage, this problem may cause irreversible damage on relationship between individuals. What the message here about damage is could be breakdown of marriage and/or psychological disorders occuring after the violence against individual. Also jealousy is important factor in marriage. Since it is a kind of measurement, less is more. Some people may sometimes exaggerate it, and this attitude is likely to come out badly. So, it may result in couples’ being bored of each other or getting divorced. Couples may at times think that the world revolves around themselves. So, this on and off behaviour is probable to turn into marital breakdown. As couples think so, they are likely to forget their responsibilities towards each other or towards their children. For example, someone tend to focus on only their own duties for themselves when they abandon to use ‘‘I language’’. Considering selfishness, betrayal is one of the reasons for failed marriage. In fact, ‘‘selfishness’’ is the underlying cause for betrayals, and another cause is emptiness in individuals’ heart. For example, couples may not able to establish empathy and healthy communication, and may give cause for betrayal as a result.

Failed marriages could be based on quick decisions also. So, in general, these decisions result in disappointment. For example, social obligations are burden on couples. So, some people around a single woman or man prompt her/him to get married by saying ‘‘your peers have already got married’’. Thus, this temptation may be a reason for the failed marriage. By relying on that, individuals cannot know each other very well. Even if they plan to get married -supposing- 6 years later, social pressure on them guides them to this kind of circumstances. So, not identifying each other is probable to stem from such obligations. Considering this, individuals may be got married as immature and inexperienced due to mentioned social pressure on themselves. Since they do not have experience enough to survive the hardship to arise after a while, they generally fail in married life. Moreover, couples have high expectations from each other, that is probably because they are not experienced as it has been stated. If they are mature and experienced, they are probable to have derived lessons from their mistakes. In this way, couples may not set vain hopes, and possibility to have a disappointment diminishes.

In conclusion, marriage is a kind of sharing and requires effort and ‘‘we-feeling’’. It is a means to understand the meaning of togetherness. Thus, individuals ought to find someone with whom they are compatible, happy , share values and common points. In this way, couples are able to establish a good communication which lays the foundation of healthy marriage. Moreover, they should pay attention to balancing both their emotion and their logic. This is important not to have a disappointment about their marriage. Also individuals ought to place their own choices before other people’ opinions and social pressure. Otherwise, they fail, and the only criminal becomes her or him but not others.