Tension, Conflict, Deceit and Development in The Film The Notebook

The film “The Notebook” is based on a novel by Nicholas Sparks. The movie is narrated by an elderly man Duke while he resides is a nursing home. Duke reads a romantic story from his notebook to a fellow resident. The notebook tells the story of an intrepid romance between a poor lumber mill worker Noah Calhoun and a 17-year-old heiress Allison 'Allie' Hamilton. Noah pursues Allie and they share a summer romance. Many outside factors play into the two main characters relationship which causes conflict in their relationship. An argument caused them to break up and Allie movies back home to Charleston. Allie and Noah lead very different lives from that point each encountering their own obstacles. Eventually they find their way back to each other and finally sort their differences. Throughout the movie the viewer realizes the old man narrating is Noah Calhoun and the dementia patient is his wife Allie. In fact, Noah and Allie spend a lifetime together, have children and eventually die together. This movie represents many key concepts discussed in Interpersonal Communications. The main character's relationships with each other and others display tension, conflict, deceit and development.

Noah and Allie have very different self concepts. Noah comes from a poor background he does hard manual labor to make a living. His self concept is undoubtedly influenced by “where he grew up and how he was raised”. Noah and his father aren’t rich, but they shared a humble life. They often spent their nights on the front porch, while Noah reads poetry to help with his stuttering. His personality is passionate, arrogant and devoted. He is a quiet guy and paired with Allie’s bubbly personality the two brought out the best in one another. Noah never required “reflected appraisal” to determine who he was. Everyone else's opinion of him did not concern him. Allie’s parents disapproved of Noah’s lack of status and wealth, this never stopped him from pursuing his love for their daughter. Noah has a “low self- monitor” at time he lacks awareness of how his behavior is “affecting others”. This causes many frustration arguments between Allie and Noah.

Allie has a more complex self concept. Hers is also influenced by where she grew up and how. She comes from a wealthy and privileged background. Allie is a southern heiress in the 1940’s, so gender roles heavily influence her concept and upbringing. Every day, she practices piano, studies different languages, in order to become a prim and proper young lady. Allie exhibits social comparison or “comparing oneself with others”. Her reference groups are her wealthy peers. Allie has a high awareness regarding her self- monitoring. She pays close attention to what she wears and how looks. She is always finley dressed with her hair and makeup in place. Allie is very aware of her surroundings and can easily “adjust her communication” depending on who she is with.

There are a lot of unspoken emotions between Noah and Allie after their breakup. They spent 7 years apart but each were still very much in love with one another. Allie confronts Noah asking 'Why didn't you write me? Why? It wasn't over for me, I waited for you for seven years. But now it's too late.' In fact, Noah wrote Allie everyday for a year but the letters were intercepted by her mother. In the time they spent apart Allie falls for another man named Lon Hammond, a vertran she nursed to health during World War II. Lon eventually proposes to Allie in which she accepts. On the day of her wedding dress fitting Allie comes across a paper with Noah Calhoun on the front page. He had restored the old house she lost her virginity in with him. She nearly faints at the sight of him. In search for answers Allie tracks Noah down to confront him. The reunion was awkward at first but it was obvious they still shared deep feelings for one another and non-verbal communication showcased it all. Their love requires “neither word nor language”. When Noah takes Allie on a peaceful boat ride, they share heartfelt gazes on “non-verbal cues”. In this scene they both use non-verbal behaviors of attraction or “immediacy behaviors”. Allie mostly uses her eyes to signal attraction towards Noah. At the end of the scene they finally share mind, body and soul once again.

“Language is symbolic”, for example the word love only symbolizes it’s meaning. It does not actually “constitute the idea itself”. A common theme in the movie is Love, especially the love Noah and Allie share. Love has many layers of meaning its denotative concept is “deeply committed to” or “ caring for someone”. The connotative meaning is the literal and implied meaning. In this case, Noah's connotative version of love was Allie. For Noah, Allie represents love in it truest form. He always remained madly and deeply in love with her until his dying breath.

Relationships are the first and foremost important aspects of being human. They are necessary because we have the “need to belong”. Noah and Allie’s romance developed into a passionate lifelong love. The first initial stage was initiated by Noah at a carnival. Initially Allie would not let Noah take her out. He is very headstrong and determined, so he climbed a ferris wheel and dangled himself from a bar and asked her to go on a date with him. If she declined he threatened to let go. Allie was intrigued by his determination and accepted his offer. There experimenting stage or first date was spent lying on a paved road staring at a spotlight. Noah challenges Allie to lie there with him. For a young lady during this time period lying in the road is improper. Noah says “that is your problem you don’t do what you want”. To prove him wrong Allie joins him on the pavement where they bond with one another. The next stage is the intensified summer romance.

They spent every waking moment together and they show “increased commitment to one another” and Allie loses her virginity with Noah.They also started using statements such as “I love you” (Sparks, Nicholas). They eventually moved to the integrating stage where “deep commitments has formed”. There is when Noah and Allie’s relationship encounter obstacles. Allie invites Noah to a fancy all white luncheon. Noah wore an all black shirt this immediately represent his poor upbringing in comparison to the Hamilltons. Allie’s parents consider Noah as “Trash, Trash, Trash” (Sparks, Nicholas) and unworthy of their daughter. This causes tensions within their relationship because her parents disapprove. At this time Noah and Allie never make it to the formal Bonding stage in which they “make a public announcement of their commitment to each other”. Her parents’ disapproval causes her to be whisked off back to Charleston after summer ends. Mrs. Hammiltons (Allie’s Mother) interference with their relationship never allowed a “terminating stage or distancing stage”. There separation from each other was very sudden due to Allie’s parents.

Noah and Allie have a particular form of conflict management that's both suiting and troubling to their relationship. During another fight Noah says to Allie “that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass” (Sparks, Nicholas). From this quote it's obvious they engage in a problematic and successful conflict style. The problematic style is that they “criticize” (Floyd, Kory) and yell rather than engaging in healthy communication.

Criticism is always bad but “it can be counterproductive” (Floyd, Kory). Noah and Allie typically argue and criticize each other because they both have very headstrong personalities. At the end of the day Noah and Allie always try to compromise with each other. Compromising takes “time and patience” but they both realize the love they share is greater than any minute argument. Their stubborn and argumentative personalities left their first relationship in ruins. When the broke up for the first time, each immediately regretted their choice words. By the time they were ready to reconcile Allie had already been boarded back to Charleston far from Noah.

The greatest deception in “The Notebook” (Sparks, Nicholas) was the concealment of Noah's letters by Mrs. Hamillition (Allie’s Mother). A betrayal mostly felt by her daughter Allie. Many nights Allie cried herself asleep while waiting to hear from Noah. In the movie it was eventually revealed Mrs. Hamillton kept all the letters, Noah sent years ago. This would be considered a “high-stakes lie” because the consequence of Allie discovering the truth could end Mrs.Hamilton and Allies relationship. Mrs. Hamilliton takes Allie to a lumber yard where she points out an old man. The man was once a young fellow that she was madly in love with before she married Allie’s father. Very much like Noah and Allies romance, this man came from a poor background and her parents disapproved. Allie’s mom spent her whole life wondering how her life would have turned out if she had married the young man.

Would she have been happier, more in love? Not necessarily regretting her decision, just always wondering about what could have been. She didn't want Allie to harbor those feelings of doubt or try to force her into something that she would later regret. In the end, Mrs. Hamillton gives Allie the letters as a way to ensure Allie is making the best option for herself. It is also a way of Mrs. Hamillton asking for forgiveness from Allie, for deceiving her for 7 years. Her form of deception although bad her intentions were good. She wanted her daughter to live a safe and happy life and she believed Noah was not capable of providing this. It was easier for Mrs. Hamilton to deceive because she believed it was in her daughter's best interest. Deception is “rather common” it can lead to “great distress” luckily she came clean before Allie made the decision to marry Lons. Afterall Allie gave her heart to Noah all those years ago.

This novel-made movie shows every aspect of interpersonal and individual relations. Noah and Allie are both very dynamic characters with well developed self-concepts and personalities that are suited for one another. Like every relationship they fought and bickered which caused tension. They were also very connected in a verbal and non-verbal way that exhibited true love and passion. Although they were separated by outside interference they were able to find a way back to each other. After 7 hard years Noah and Allie were able to reach the “Bonded stage”. In this stage they built a life together, had children, made life-long memories and eventually peacefully died in each others arms.