The Dark after War Times

Whenever a shift in our spiritual life occurs and fragments such as these surface, we believe we can remember. But in reality, of course, memory fails us. Too many buildings have fallen down, too much rubble has been heaped up the moraines and deposits are insuperable. If I now look back to Berlin writes Michael, all I see is a darkened background with a grey smudge in it, a slate pencil drawing some unclear numbers and letter in a gothic script, blurred and half wiped away with a damp rag.” (Chapter 7, Pages 177-8)

In this passage W.G. Sebald the author of “The Rings of Saturn” shows how loss and war as well as the feelings of anxiety and fear of the unknown can alter you perspective and possibly have a lasting impact. Immediately before this passage Sebald had just found his way out of a maze and found himself in the village of Middleton to visit the writer Michael Hamburger. Sebald sets this passage up by explaining that in November 1933 Michael and his entire family were leaving Berlin to live in a stone house in Edinburgh. During the transition from one place to the next something happens to them at customs at Dover that seems to reinforce the feelings of fear and anxiety of the entire situation. Michael’s grandfather brought with him these pair of budgerigars, which I had not the slightest idea what is even was, and they survive this far only to somehow become impounded. A sentence later I realize that budgerigars is a type of bird. So they are in an unfamiliar area after just leaving their home in Berlin with barely any physical memories of their time in Berlin except the absolute essentials and then the Grandfather’s beloved pets are tragically taken from them.

Michael explains how this moment, even though at the time to outsiders it was probably just someone doing their job and possibly confiscating something they might deem dangerous, was the beginning of childhood memories disappearing. This establishes to me that the budgerigars are more than just simple pets that are symbolic of the whole situation Michael and his family find themselves in. I personally could not even begin to imagine having to uproot from the only home I have known to an unfamiliar place that’s “suppose” to be better. However, at the time Michael is bombarded with strange noises, smells, and sensations along with the external struggles hitting them they also have internal struggles of anxiety and fear that seem to be a reoccurring theme. They have no idea if this move is going to be better for them in the long run they are as they say taking it on blind faith that Edinburgh will work out for everyone and the whole experience will be worthwhile. (PG 176)

Now for me to understand why this family is leaving everything they know I had to do some research about what was going on in Berlin at the time. Was it a war they were running from? After my research lets just say I was embarrassed to realize that World War II was going on during that time period and I have no idea how that just slipped my mind. Anyway after the short moment of loss of memory I realized it was a total moment of presupposition where Sebald assumes he doesn’t need to state the circumstances going on, by simple stating a time in the book before the passage he is presenting a reason for the events that occur after. Which is extremely important in this context because this shows that Michael and his family aren’t uprooting for nothing they are actually fleeing from the destruction and devastation of war that is happening in their country. Another important factor to take into consideration is that Michael’s father went to Edinburgh a month before the family, so it’s Michael, his siblings, his mother, and her parents are moving after his father. I feel like this fact is important because back in those times, and I’m sure in some instances in the present time, men are the strong figure head of the house. So to paint a picture, Michael this nine and a half year old boy with things that he feels couldn’t even fill an obituary of a lost boyhood has to watch these beloved pets disappear before his eyes in a country he was fleeing to so his family could be safe from the war and his father isn’t there to reassure him like I am sure a young boy at that age needs. Again taking these things into consideration and understanding what is happening at the time as well as looking at what’s being said in the passage itself and understanding how it relates to the book overall it fits the reoccurring themes of the book of loss, destruction, war, and recently discussed in class melancholy. (PG 176-7)

Finally I looked at what happens after the passage. Michael much later in life ends up going back to his hometown of Berlin to try and trace the memories of a childhood he lost. He imagines if only for a moment he can simply wipe clean the awful memories of that the past and everything would go back to it was before. When Michael explains this it seems to me he feels like an outsider in his own life. That he knows that house is his family’s home and no matter how good the memories have been made prewar that’s all Michael can see of that house is the devastation that war causes. This realization caused him to become physically unwell and he has to leave that place so he doesn’t even set a foot inside he is just on the outside looking in and he is bombarded with these feelings. This moment is what lead me to my opening paragraph that war as well as loss and external and internal factors/feelings that come with those have a lasting impact on a person as well as a specific location.

The reason I make this claim is because Michael is a grown man now, I am assuming around middle age or older and leaving Berlin happened when he was 9 going on 10. This shows the that traumatic instances of war are not just something that happens in that moment and when its over with that’s all there is. No war leaves lasting imprints either in memories that have a sticky veil feeling where you can kind of remember it happening but it seems like it didn’t actually happen at the same time. Another way this appears is through a place. So Michael says something about how even after all these years have passed it almost seems like the devastation is frozen in time, like its just a stain left on the area that won’t wipe clean and when you try it just smudges further. After taking all of this into consideration, looking at what happened before, what was happening while the passage was happening, as well as looking what happened after and about the historical importance of the date given I still believe that when Sebald was talking about an instance of Michael’s life Sebald’s underlying meaning to me was that loss, war, internal struggles, etc. have the ability to alter our perception of personal memories as well as a place.