The Effect of Fixed and Growth Mindset on The Relationships

In our society, a relationship is seen as something ideal to have in one’s life. A relationship can be defined as a connection one shares with another individual over one or more certain common interests. A relationship can exist in the form of having friends and having family. These kinds of relationships are the type that people see as easier to hold. However, when it comes to a romantic relationship, some people may struggle to keep hold of a relationship and a breakup ends up ensuing, while others are able to hold on to a relationship for a long time. Therefore individuals may wonder ‘What makes a healthy relationship?’. When someone has a healthy romantic relationship, both partners will experience comfort, a good amount of understanding, and a good sense of trust towards each other. However, to build up to a healthy relationship, it takes time, effort, and charisma with that certain individual. For a relationship to work, it takes time because if one decides to rush a relationship too quick, it is seen as a desperate move to go out with that certain individual and as being lustrous. It is also important to have interactions with the other individual in the relationship because communication with the individual can help .

A growth mindset can give an individual the belief that they can improve a relationship through communication with their partner by talking things out if any issues arise. In Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck defines growth mindset as a mindset that is open to learning from mistakes. Dweck quotes, “‘I need to try harder in class, be more careful when parking the car,and wonder if my friend had a bad day’”. In other words, Dweck’s stating that people with a growth mindset are more considerate of themselves and others. This matters because individuals with a growth mindset can be open to hearing other people’s opinions. Couple who have a growth mindset are always looking for a way to improve their lives and their relationships. In chapter three of the graphic novel Daytripper by Gabriel Bá and Fábio Moon, Brás’s girlfriend breaks up with him and he ends up falling into a depression.

As the chapter progresses, he can’t stop thinking of ex-girlfriend. One day he goes to the store and while he is waiting in-line to pay for his items, he spots an attractive woman. While he didn’t think much about her when he sees her, it is when he is walking down the street that he realizes the opportunity he needs to take. Moon and Bá write, “Have you ever felt so alive--as if anything and everything was possible”. The meaning of this quote is that Brás feels like he can do anything because he feels it's possible. His quote matters because it serves as a good example of a growth mindset in Daytripper. Brás feel anything is achievable because he believes it is. He believes that it’s possible to go back to the store where he saw the girl and make his move because he has nothing to lose. Someone with a growth mindset can be thought as being really creative and open to try different things such as desiring to improve in life and also being open to learning new things. In the novel The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, Coelho writes, “‘Maktub,’ she said.

“If I am really a part of your dream, you’ll come back one day’”. The meaning of this quote is that Fatima believes that if she’s part of Santiago’s dream, that he will come back to her someday. This quote matters because it Fatima has trust in Santiago that he will return to her someday as he set off to find the treasure under the pyramids. The belief in a growth mindset is that people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through hard work and that brains and talent are just the starting point. A growth mindset can learn from the process of trial and error. For example, someone with a growth mindset takes a test but ends up not doing as well as they thought they would do. The experience from taking the test will motivate the individual to do better next time by studying harder and realizing where one needs to grow. Traits of a growth mindset include being open to making mistakes, being creative, open to communicate with others, and not failing to have persuasion. Making mistakes helps someone grow from the experiences of the past as they serve like a trial to improve in certain conditions. In Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck writes, “The students with the growth mindset also strongly agreed that: “I would want to forgive them eventually” and “My number one goal would be to help them become better people”. In other words, Dweck is saying that those with a growth mindset confront an issue personally and hope to fix whatever is wrong. This quote matters because it’s showing the power of those with a growth mindset to fix an issue if there's anything wrong with it. In short, a growth mindset enables a person to believe that the possibilities of achieving anything are endless.

On the other hand, the fixed mindset is the opposite of what a growth mindset is. A fixed mindset is a type of mindset that gives an individual the belief that their way of thinking and acting is fixed and cannot be capable of change. In Mindset, Dweck writes, “The fixed mindset creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over”. The meaning of this quote is that the fixed mindset creates the thought that one must prove who themselves are many times because they believe they can never be satisfied with themselves. This quote matters because individuals with a fixed mindset try to change but feel like change is never enough because they can’t be satisfied with who they are. Someone who carries a fixed mindset will think that they are born with a fixed level of intelligence and that they cannot do anything about it to improve it. In Daytripper, Brás says, “I have six more months on the damn lease, but I can't stay there anymore. It’s been two months, and I'm still sleeping couch. The bedroom reminds me of her”. The meaning of this quote is that Brás doesn’t know what to do with his life because he is depressed over his girlfriend breaking up with him. This quote also matters because it is also a good example of a fixed mindset. Brás is having a hard time moving on from his girlfriend that he still thinks of her when he thinks of the bedroom. In The Alchemist, the alchemist says, “Naturally it’s afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you’ve won”. The meaning of this quote is that the alchemist is saying that while chasing after a dream, there will be risks throughout the journey like experiencing a loss or multiple problems. This quote matters because what the alchemist says is what one with a fixed mindset would be afraid of. Someone with a fixed mindset would not risk anything because they wouldn't want to risk losing anything they have gained in the past while someone who carries a growth mindset would think the opposite. In a journey, anything is possible so those with a growth mindset are more likely to be ready than those with a fixed mindset.

An example of a fixed mindset is if a student does terrible on a test. Their belief will be that there is no hope for them to improve because they believe that they are limited to certain amount of intelligence and that it is because of that limited intelligence capacity why they aren’t able to improve. Traits of a fixed mindset in a relationship are that an individual will not be open to discussing any matter of issues that are not right, will believe that a relationship is the way it is and cannot be changed because of certain qualities that one person will have that are different compared to the other individual in the relationship, and will retain the thought that one can’t change their way of socializing with others. In “The First Lesson of Marriage 101: There Are No Soul Mates” by Christine Gross-Loh. Solomon says, “one of many concrete conflict-resolution skills that they teach is to frame statements as “X, Y, Z” statements, rather than finger pointing”. The meaning of this quote is that rather of pointing fingers to blame someone for a reason, Solomon states it’s better to talk out an issue and acknowledge what’s wrong. This quote matters because in a relationship, couples with a fixed mindset will try to not bring up possible issues that are in a relationship and are more likely to blame one another but will not have an exact reason on why. On the other hand, someone with a growth mindset will be open to what issues are prevailing and will do anything to set any issues out of a relationship.

For a relationship to be healthy, one key thing it must hold is intimacy. Intimacy in a romantic relationship strengthens the bond that one person holds with another. It can also be used to strengthen the trust a couple holds as when two people trust one another they feel freer to be themselves, aren’t suspicious of a third-party entering the relationship, and can be more open, honest, and vulnerable with their spouse. In a study done by eharmony in 2017, 6 out of 10 couples have sex weekly. Intimacy was also found to raise morale among couples and promote chemistry. One Swedish study suggests that it is actually the affection that comes before and after sex that offers the boost in morale. In an article called “14 Realistic Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship” by Devon Corneal, Corneal states, “Sex is an important part of healthy relationships, but it’s only one part, and it’s different than intimacy, which is less about physical satisfaction than about bonding, friendship, and familiarity. If you’re in a healthy relationship, you’ll feel connected — in and out of bed”. What Corneal is saying is that intimacy doesn’t just involve sex, but also involves loving your partner through bonding. In other words, this quote matters because people might think that intimacy is all about how a person and their partner feel over sex, when intimacy is actually about how close someone is to their partner and how much two people can bond or be connected. Being physically intimate means not only having intercourse with one another but also sharing personal moments of closeness. These can range from a sweet caress, a lingering kiss the lips, or suggestive proximity. This behavior promotes chemistry and sexual anticipation and these expectations bring excitement into the relationship and make couples feel more connected.

Besides intimacy, a healthy relationship also needs communication. Communication with one’s partner on how a relationship is working out and where improvements can be made are very important because that’s how one can find out the ‘weak spots’ in a relationship. In Mindset, Carol Dweck states, “The growth mindset says all these things can be developed. All you, your partner, and the relationship- are capable of growth and change”. The meaning of this quote is to show that anything in a growth mindset and be developed beyond the capabilities one things they could be such as trust, honesty, and communication. The quote matters because it shows relationships can be improved based on how communication and openness is available to the couple. Another quote from Mindset is that Dweck also states, “In a good relationship, people develop these skills and, as they do, both partners grow and the relationship deepens”. The meaning of this quote is that as a relationship gets deeper and more intimate over time, both partners will grow. This quote matters because in a relationship, partners start off as not knowing much about one another. But as time passes, they find out more about each other and both partners will become closer and the relationship between them will get deeper.

In a relationship, when an issue arises in a relationship, finding out what’s wrong is what needs to be done by couples to assure that a relationship stays healthy. Communication and intimacy are essential to tackling a problem in a relationship if one starts. In Mindset, Carol Dweck writes, “In a relationship, the growth mindset lets you arise above blame, understand the problem, and try to fix it-together”. In other words, Dweck is stating that when in a relationship, understanding what’s wrong instead of blaming others will be more effective in finding what’s wrong in a relationship. This quote matters because some people in a relationship will try to blame others for their problems. Instead of blaming others, it’s better to go and seek out what’s wrong in the relationship and why needs to happen to fix it. Talking it out with the other person in the relationship is the best way to tackle an issue because you can talk to them and asked them what’s wrong? Why are you ignoring me? Can we talk it out? Chances are they will tell you what’s wrong, and start working with fixing the problem. If one does not tackle the issue that is present in a relationship, one will never find out what the problem is and that will decrease the strength of a relationship. In an article called “The Science Behind Happy Relationships” by Sarah Treleavan, Sue Johnson states, ``Ultimately, the quality of a person’s relationships dictates the quality of their life. “Good relationships aren’t just happier and nicer”, “When we know how to heal relationships and keep them strong, they make us resilient”. The meaning of this quote is that when we know how to keep a relationship healthy and out of problems, they make one more resilient. This quote matters because relationships will sometimes have problems in them. But when people learn how to solve those problems, they become more resilient because they learn how to fix those issues, the relationship will become nicer and happier. However, some skeptical points. Like those that hail from a fixed mindset will argue hold a different point. In Mindset, Dweck writes about The Clintons, Dweck writes, “Clinton lied to the nation and to his wife about his relationship with Monica Lewinsky”. This quote matters because Bill Clinton hid his secret relationship with Monica Lewinsky from his wife Hillary and from the general public. This quote matters because it shows that Bill Clinton had a fixed mindset. He kept a secret and didn’t manage to get counseling earlier. Counseling would’ve helped Bill realize his problems and would’ve helped him realize how he was handling his relationship with Monica Lewinsky.

In conclusion, a growth mindset is more positive and more effective than a fixed mindset. People in a relationship who are not familiar with mindset will think of these issues will of think of these points as not an important matter of issue and will not care about it. But a fixed mindset will give an individual the thought that a relationship is the way it is because the relationship’s traits are fixed, the other person’s traits are fixed, and also because one’s personal traits are fixed. However, a growth mindset will help in achieving a healthier relationship because someone with a growth mindset will be more understanding of the other person in the relationship and will use the experience from past mistakes. A growth mindset will also make it easier for romantic partners to talk out problems in a relationship if one ever arises because someone with a growth mindset will be more open to hearing and wanting to fix any issues in a relationship instead of someone who carries a fixed mindset who will brush away the problem and let it just fade with time without it getting resolved.