The Effects of Bullying and Shame on Young People

Bullying has been a persisting social problem for years, and years. Bullying has been researched from points of views, and from different angles, and there are various counter measures and prevention programs, but the problem is continuous. Bullies are taught to not harm others, and victims are told to confide in adults, but the trauma causes life-long effects for both parties. To progress in the combat against bullying, the driving emotion needs to be the focus. The feeling of shame is the root cause of short, and long-term issues in bullies and victims.

Bullied students experience shame which negatively impacts their own self-worth, and their ability to create relationships which leads to unhealthy coping habits. The feeling of shame is incurred when social norms are broken resulting in negative sanctions from peers which include social rejection, or even social backlash. Students whom tend to behave independently are usually ostracized or bullied for not conforming to the set way of life resulting in the feeling of shame which causes students to develop negative self-reflections. Daniel Frank in his journal article, “A Principal Reflects on Shame and School Bullying,” states, “Shame is the pain of taking to heart the lethal words of an authority figure, a parent, teacher, or valued peer, who publicly proclaims one’s worthlessness, defects and vulnerabilities.” As students are constantly bullied and belittled, they eventually adopted or absorb the negative proclamations as their own truths. Their image of self is warped into someone not worthy of being loved or cared for, or someone without value. Laura Martocci, in her book, “Bullying: The Social Destruction of Self,” says that people who let the emotions of pain, and shame fester within themselves become bitter, depressed and alienated which leads to a disengagement between relationships and even life itself. This rift between self and the sense belonging causes increased anger or violence (Martocci 5, 70). These thoughts, or “truths,” stop victims from recovering and healing which causes mistrust, isolation, and even anger or hatred, which all carries on into adult life. This anger or violence which results from experiencing shame leads to unhealthy reactions towards the world.

The shame experienced as a consequence of bullying, results in increased anger, and violent tendencies in the victims, directed towards self and society. After keeping intense emotions bottled away for so long, people find it difficult to attend to their emotional needs. It becomes difficult to acknowledge one’s own emotions, if they have been ignored for long periods of time. Unresolved emotions can trigger heightened frustration, irritation or even anger. Not being able to understand oneself, and effectively processing emotions can be infuriating. According to Frank, young people direct their rage outwards, more often. The internal confusion, and struggle, caused by shame, is such a negative feeling that most victims feel safe by following the rule: embarrass before being embarrassed, humiliate before being humiliated. This creates an endless cycle of victim becoming the bully, whose victims will potentially turn bully as well. Shame is the core cause of victim’s feeling anger towards the world, which creates a long-term issue of increased victimization, when they start bullying others, themselves. The anger can also be directed towards the self. Victims may believe they are worthless because of the shame and humiliation they feel after being bullied. The embarrassment and shame, according to Strom, “may lead a person to want to hide her/his bullying experience and associated emotions, which may impede social support-seeking. However, as research on violence and shame has shown, this may lead to increased psychological distress over time.” By denying themselves aid, students end up suffering from depression, anxiety, extreme fear, and loneliness. This ongoing distress experienced by victims, or victims turned bullies, can erode a persons’ mental health.

This progression of negativity can lead to serious issues in adulthood unless addressed, and confronted, early on, by authority figures in the students’ life.

“Clinicians need to be aware of shame as a response to victimization that may affect the individual’s mental health and social interactions (Strom 9).” “The results of the current study identify the importance of attachment security, emotion regulation, and self-compassion for helping survivors of childhood bullying experience less shame into adulthood (Beduna & McGovern 9).” “This suggests that counselors and educators can help adult survivors of childhood bullying by helping them develop self-compassion related to their experiences of being bullied (Beduna & McGovern 9).” “Counselors and educators can assess self-compassion in adults and utilize one of these many strategies to help individuals develop their self-compassion and hopefully reduce self-criticism and shame (Beduna & McGovern 10).” “Efforts to reduce the possible feelings of shame following bullying victimization experiences could therefore be integrated into existing interventions, such universal school-based bullying prevention efforts.”