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Words: 412 |
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Published: Jun 20, 2019
Words: 412|Page: 1|3 min read
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It was an overwhelming Friday afternoon, I can barely hear the echoes of my voiceThis phrase does not make sense in the context and could be improved for clarity. Suggested correction: "It was an overwhelming Friday afternoon, and the cheers of hundreds of students filled the air. I struggled to hear myself think over the noise." Close Comments
Close Comments. There were hundreds of students, who gathered to cheer their favorite team up. It seemed like the afternoon was boiling. What team is winning? When did the game begin? These were the questions that ran through my mind. As a sports fan, I could not stop admiring their strengths, flexibility not to mention; their perfect body. At this point, I became more interested in track and field event.
I struggled with accepting my weakness as not being able to run long distance. I have always loved running, but my inability to compete for a long-distance race was terrible for me. For this reason, I joined the track and field event, which made me practice regularly. Afterwards, this seemed to me like it was going to be easy, but I failed to recognize the difficulty in competing with other schoolsThe phrasing is awkward and unclear. Suggested correction: "At first, I thought the track and field event would be easy because I enjoyed running. However, I soon realized the challenges of competing against other schools." Close Comments
I was assigned to compete in a four hundred meter race, yes, it was indeed challenging. Since the members of my team were there to cheer me up, I felt a little relief to my body. When the competition finally began, I found my nervous self shaking. I will be the best in this game, this statement kept running through my mind. I ran with my strength, but still did not make it to the top three. My teammates, whom I have expected to comfort me turned out to doubt my ability to compete in the next event. They never wanted me to be in the next track meet, because they felt that I was going to lose againThe phrasing is awkward and unclear. Suggested correction: "My teammates were skeptical about my ability to compete in the next event because of my previous loss." Close Comments
Close Comments. This belief motivated me to push more.
I wanted to prove myself, so I decided to work more on my endurance skills. As soon as I noticed my time pace were getting better, I signed up for the next track meet. This time, I did not just strive to be one of the top three competitors, but to earn a medal for my team.
After competing for a long distance race, I came out as one of the best candidates for long distance raceThe repetition of "long distance race" is unnecessary and awkward. Suggested correction: "After competing in a long-distance race, I emerged as one of the top performers in my category." Close Comments Close Comments Close Comments
Close Comments. At that moment, nothing was more expensive than the metal I wonThe word "expensive" does not make sense in this context and could be improved for clarity. Suggested correction: "Nothing was more valuable to me than the medal I won."
Close Comments. I was appreciated by the members of my team, who previously rejected my wish to compete on that game. This made me more excited. I learned that whatever one puts their mind to do, that person will definitely be the best at what he is aiming forThe use of "their" and "he" in the same sentence is grammatically incorrect and could be improved for clarity. Suggested correction: "Whatever one puts their mind to, they can become the best at what they aim to achieve."
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