The Worst Day of My Life

This essay is about the worst day of my life – my father’s funeral. I remember very well the way it happened and the slow decline into my father’s passing. He was always a lively person with full of energy. He was always laughing and always had the best jokes it was a blow to the whole family when he passed away. I had a friend spending the night over at my house. The next morning my mother and father just came back from their trip in Los Angeles. I heard about how bad of health he had went into in just a week and a few days. I stayed there the whole time, never leaving.

My mother was crying so much her t-shirt was soaking wet like she went to the gym and worked out, my grandmother was a wreck, crying all the time and not even really eating. My father had pretty much given up by the time I had even ran into my parent’s room, that’s not a way anyone should see a family member. My fathers face was blue, eyes were open, and his face was swollen. That soon we would not be able to see him again. I never cried till the end and then I felt like I was going crazy. That’s what sadness and anger can do to you, make you feel crazy and lost and destructive.

My Mom went to the store with my oldest sister, going to get food for the rest of the family. I couldn’t handle my older sister loud pitched screams and quickly snapped at her to shut up even though I knew it wouldn’t work I wanted to run from the emotions and thoughts swimming around in my head, The tears I did not want anyone to see me shed, sometimes its torture to be the youngest with sadness and weakness that you want to sink into. My mother, my two other older sisters went to the Summerlin hospital to saying her final goodbyes, but I couldn’t ‘t do it. I couldn’t ‘t go to the shell that once held my lively and spirited father. While at the hospital the funeral home people had finally come as the sky drifted into inky black darkness, seeming to grieve my father’s passing just as much as we were, I sat outside by myself, finally I let the tears run down my cheeks, Finally letting the pain take over and asking God why He would take a person I love.

I went home that night, not being able to stand that house any longer the next day going to school I couldn’t ‘t think and all I did was stare at the walls. To lose someone is like a shock to the system my body shut down completely id could not even focus on school my mother pulled me out. One week later was my first day of school being back from the awful day of my father passing away, everyone asking how I am doing, but not realizing every time they did, I would flinch because the memories came back with flashbacks. and I somehow pulled myself together and put a big fake smile on my face. But deep down inside Kicking and screaming back into them. It’s like that, one small thing can bring back so much vivid detail of something you would rather forget in the middle of the week the funeral being in the middle of the week.

During the funeral I was overwhelming sadness that clouded my judgement and made me feel a deep ache that would not go away. At the end of the funeral, they played Photograph by Nickelback. I remember it so well. Between the song, my emotions, the smell of all the flowers everything made me sick to my stomach. the grief crushing me causing me to want to curl into myself and hide from the world, to hide from real life. I couldn’t though, I couldn’t stop time and forget this ever happened, I couldn’t just get rid of the pain. My two older sisters and I stayed at my grandma’s house the night of the funeral being early into the morning to go and sit in the church listening to the preacher talking about what a wonderful man he was and seeing all the people he loved lean on each other and cry, That was probably the worst part for me.

The crushing grief written on everyone ‘s face, the knowledge that he really isn’t coming back. It started raining on the way to the gravesite, it seems to just fit the world crying over his loss as we did. We said our goodbyes and headed back to my Grandmother ‘s house, we ate food and were there for each other as a family should be. We went home that night, we had school in the morning, fatigue and sadness etched on our faces.

Fourteen years later and I still sometimes think that when I go back, he will be there smiling and skateboarding with me. Losing him has changed me a lot, it makes me sometimes see the world as a darker place, but I will say you learn to cope and accept. The place they left in your heart never really heals but you learn to be okay again, you learn to deal.

Works Cited

1. Bolen, R. M. (2015). Coping with Grief: A Guide for the Bereaved Survivor. AuthorHouse.
2. Fitzgerald, H. M., & Malcolm, W. (2017). Bereavement, grief, and mourning. In B. Carr (Ed.), Encyclopedia of clinical psychology. Wiley-Blackwell.
3. Holland, J. M. (2013). The process of grieving: A review and application of models and frameworks. Journal of Clinical Nursing, 22(9-10), 1435-1443.
4. Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. Scribner.
5. Loprinzi, C. E., & Prasad, K. (2017). Grief and bereavement issues. In M. A. Fenstermaker & B. T. Heasley (Eds.), Handbook of death and dying (2nd ed., pp. 155-165). Wiley.
6. Neimeyer, R. A., Harris, D. L., Winokuer, H. R., & Thornton, G. F. (2011). Grief and bereavement in contemporary society: Bridging research and practice. Routledge.
7. Parkes, C. M. (2015). Bereavement: Studies of grief in adult life. Routledge.
8. Rando, T. A. (2011). Treatment of complicated mourning. Research Press.
9. Sanders, C. M. (2013). Grief: The mourning after: Dealing with adult bereavement. Wiley.
10. Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner (4th ed.). Springer Publishing Company.