This I Believe: Personal Challenges in Finding 'Your' People

This I believe essay is a powerful tool for me to express my personal beliefs and values in a thoughtful and meaningful way. I believe in finding people who appreciate you for who you are. This belief stems from the experiences I had throughout the end of eighth grade. I had the same friend group as usual, but I started to transition to a brand new group of friends. This caused a little drama, but in the beginning it did not directly affect me. However, as time passed, I noticed that my friends would start hanging out without me and have secret discussion. At this point, I felt excluded, which made me question what had happened. Eventually, it got to the point where I was being ignored. It then all blew up over one day at lunchtime.

I was walking towards our “normal spot” where we sit at lunch everyday and when I sat down I asked them angrily what was going on. They exchanged glances. Then each one of them began to say everything that was wrong with me.

Hearing all these words that were coming out of their mouths were unbelievable. All the things that had been occuring in prior days were making sense now. They continued to watch me as I listen to all the feelings that they’ve been expressing. My personality was completely dissected, and transformed into an awful lie that my ‘friends’ made up just to end the relations we had. I listened to each word that they called me until I could no longer take it, my vision had become clouded with tears. I told myself not to cry- I couldn’t let them see me cry. I then stood up and lost it. All the sadness, and anger, and betrayal I felt revealed, and I couldn’t control it so I had to walk away sobbing towards the bathroom where I could hide.

This was the worst incident that occured this year because it came from the people I considered my closest friends. I couldn’t really think straight after this, I had no one I could trust or confide in, considering that my friends talks behind my back.Some people who tried comforting me when I walked out with tears running down my cheeks , were just there because they felt bad. In reality, however, I could tell that they were just doing it out of pity instead of actually caring. I felt inconsequential to these people and it put me in a awful spot.

After this incident, it took me a long time to realize that maybe they’re the problem and not me. The conflict that happened last year really taught me that I was not worthless, but if I keep on hanging out or befriending those people who keep secrets, lie instead of communicating the problems between us, then I would just be the one hurt in the end. This experience taught me that finding really marvelous friends can be difficult, but now that I have found other friends, that it is worth it. I also kept in touch with my old friends while this whole event was happening. I said sorry for leaving them and they accepted me for who I am. I now have incredible friends who are here to teach me to embrace myself because it could really impact one’s self.