What Makes You Different from Others: Life as a Pakistani-american Muslim

Introduction

Narrative, which uniquely represents its information all over the world, whether it is through an autobiography, journals, or through conferences. The concept of a narrative is to characterize specific circumstances which have shaped your life, the way you see certain things, or even because of the experiences that you have been through. The method of narrative connects my personality to a comprehensive culture is because of my encounters, and everyday intercommunications. According to an interactionist theorist Herbert Blumer, his main conception was that society influences the self and what makes you different from others, and communication is representative because you convey meaning to each other through language, and various other forms (Blumer 1986). The self is generated through 'the looking glass' which when you are looking at yourself because you cannot escape, and wanting to know what you look like from someone else's viewpoint (Blumer 1986). While culture is a network of meanings that are shared, according to the sociologist Max Weber, who also emphasizes upon the idea that that culture was a tool that was used to influence the society (Weber 1904/1986). There are certain events which have triggered my life due to other perception regarding me, which has made me self-conscious. It is similar to a cultural toolkit, everyone has their individual narrative which is correlated to their personalities because of the experiences that a person goes through which connects to the broader concept of culture.

Islamophobia: Discrimination against Muslims

Islamophobia, a term that has developed a fear within the people living in the world, against the Muslims. The term defines, the hatred, and discrimination towards the Muslim community. According to the Pew Research Center, as of 2015, there are 1.8 billion Muslims around the world, roughly making up 24% of the global population, and yet we are still treated as the most resentment, and threatening society (Lipka 2017). And all over the world, especially within the United States, Muslims highly have been stigmatized as 'terrorists.' According to Erving Goffman, stigma is defined as a concept of people having a nonphysical mark on them, and are seen not to have any social acceptance within the society, and are continuously endeavoring to accommodate to their social identifications (Goffman 1963). Whether it is through movies, TV show, news, or magazines, people have formed their opinions about Muslims because of what is shown to them through the most powerful sources - the media.

Events like September 11th, 2001, Muslim Ban, Paris Attack, Boston Marathon bombing, and many other incidents which have characterized Muslims in such a negative way that it actually has turned these slight misinterpretation into severe hatred, and violations towards Muslims.

Being Different From Others

To identify myself, as a Pakistani-American Muslim has been very challenging for me from a very young age because people around me, made sure to tell me that I am different from them, and that they have more power over me since one, I am a female, and second, I am a Pakistani-American Muslim. As, stated by Eviatar Zerubavel, 'After all, as we split the life-course into 'separate' age categories, we also lump together those who fall within each of those categories…' (Zerubavel 1996 pg. 422). Before moving to the United States in October 2005, I had never experienced such hatred, dislike, or even harassment, and to be able to experience all of it two times in a life expand, one as a young child at an elementary school and second as a young adult at the airport. These two major incidents have impacted my life very much, and it has changed and developed me to be who I am as a person now.

Impact of September 11th, 2001 on My Identity

On September 11th, 2001, Tuesday sunny late summer morning, within minutes, the devastating news had spread all across the world of how four American Airlines that were headed toward California, were being hijacked by the members of the Al-Qaeda group, whose aim was to attack important political leaders and areas within the United States. Two out of the four planes hit the Pentagon and a field near Pennsylvania while the other two planes flew right into the Twin Towers buildings in New York City, altogether killing more than three thousand civilians (CNN 2018). This heartbreaking incident not only stirred a conflict but also caused a war and sociological differences for Muslims and Americans all over the world.

In Robert Heilbroner's article, he writes that 'For the most part, we do not first see and then define; we define first, and then we see' (Heilbroner 2007 pg. 36). Assumptions like being a Muslim meant that you were associated with a terrorist group or that all Muslims were dangerous because they followed the religion, Islam had started to develop. When looking at you, various people were inspecting of any evidence of one being Muslim, whether it was through their appearance or through their name. Throughout the world, people also started to produce a frame towards the Muslims, which meant that it influenced several choices that people made which determined the situation along with the way they responded to it (Goffman 1974). However, out of 1.8 billion people, it is some people who do these activities and yet all are blamed for their actions which leads to misunderstanding and mistreatment.

Being told something repeatedly in a frustrating voice, and yet still not knowing what my second-grade teacher was saying was the most embarrassing part of my life as a young child, due to my lack knowledge of English. And on top of that, having numerous pairs of white, eyes gazing at you, while you, feeling like you are a frightful, and an unappealing human that they had ever laid their eyes upon. 'Language, however, rests on social convention, and the islands of meaning it helps delineate our culture's own creation' (Zerubavel 1993 pg. 428). Within those few minutes, I began to blame myself for not knowing the language English and feeling uncomfortable and exasperated of myself, and my identification due to not knowing any statement that came out of my teachers, or my classmate's mouth. The education that I endured from Pakistan was a waste for me because I had to start from the bottom of the educational level.

My second-grade teacher declined to assist me with my improvement in the English language due to my Muslim identity which extended my educational process. Arriving home every day and crying plus complaining in front of my parents, and begging them to return to Pakistan because as a young child, I could not tolerate the judgment of my teacher, classmates, and even worst, my Americanized relatives. As an adolescent, I never understood the reason behind my second-grade teacher's judgment until I moved to Inglewood, a place full of diverse community and the ability of acceptance for everyone.

However changing cities, state, or the country does not hide the fact that the Muslims were constantly being treated badly whether it was pulling them out of the airport security lines or men of other religion disrespecting Muslim women while snatching the hijab off of their heads. All over the world, people started to believe that all Muslims were dangerous, and they started to gaze down upon them because of how the people nearby them treated the group.

Muslim Ban and Immigration Experience

Exactly two years ago, never in my life expand I ever thought that I would re-experience such hatred and discrimination towards my family and me who are Pakistani-American Muslim US Citizen. On March 15th, 2017, my family and I were stopped at the Los Angeles International Airport's United States immigration while coming back from Pakistan because of the Executive Order 13769 or in other words, which is known as Muslim Ban. The United States of America's President Donald Trump, issued an Executive Order 13769, on January 27th, 2017. This order declared that people who were coming from the seven Muslim majority nations like Syria, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, and Yemen will not be permitted to enter the United States (Ayoub and Beydoun 2017 pg. 223-225).

Personally, for me, it was such a traumatizing experience because since 2005 after my move to Inglewood, I had never experienced such discrimination again, until the recent act of the political leader pushing out the stereotype which had been dug within the soil against the Muslims, was now out in the open. My family and I landed back after three weeks of vacation in Pakistan, where we were stopped and questioned as if we were terrorists or someone new to the United States, even though our passports stated the obvious answer.

Separating all of us into different rooms, from the immigration station, three officers followed us inside the room inspecting our bags and continuously questioning our time in Pakistan. Even though I was a young adult, it still was such a frightening experience for me and memories of my experience from second-grade rushed through my brain. Repeating the statement that I was a student at University of California Los Angeles, over and over again, the deputies did not take into consideration what I had to say. And the worst part was not being able to communicate with your family or knowing what will happen within the next few minutes.

Intimated by the questions that were thrown at me, at that moment, my mind was blank to a point where I could not remember my legal rights and as the consequence, I became soundless not comprehending of what was going on. Sitting at the airport, in a room full of officers, some of the questions that they asked me were, 'Why was the purpose of your visit to Pakistan during that period of time? What did you bring back from Pakistan? What is your connection to that land?' and many other personal questions, which I will not mention.

According to Executive Order 13769, Pakistan was not even on the list, so I wondered what made those officers stop my family specifically - was it that my aunt was wearing Shalwar Kameez (traditional clothes), was it that she was wearing a hijab along with it, was it our names or the fact that we went to Pakistan that concerned the officers. Till this day not knowing the answer nor asking the officers the reason to why they held us for more than an hour of integration, still hurts my heart because more than a decade ago, I never could have imagined having seen anything like this in my entire life or the other 1.8 billion people's life.

Before suffering these discrimination circumstances, there existed a time in my life when my family and I admired America essentially as the country of liberty, however that concept switched remarkably instantly due to the decisions which were implied for people like myself. Stigma is such an unusual schema which can occur anywhere at any moment and could overthrow the plans of your aspirations in life just like what occurred to me.

Cultural Toolkit and Expression through Music

If I had never experienced these situations, I believe that my life, especially my cultural toolkit would have been different. As mentioned by Anna Swidler, a cultural toolkit is the things that we have experienced added into a guideline or a script, which we can pull out and use it based on the situations that we are in (Swidler 1986). The saddest outcome from these experience was that we had to distance ourselves from our religious and cultural practices of Islam, just to try to fit within the 'American' world. The outcome to which could be seen through my behavior, even though I was born in Pakistan I left behind my cultural values since I was raised in California. I mostly grew up surrounding myself with American friends while distancing myself from the Pakistani community within my neighborhood. And when I came to college, my cultural toolkit did not teach me how to behave around other Pakistani/Muslims kids and in the result, I would do certain things which was not 'accepted' within the community.

In her article, Karie Martin, emphasizes the concept that men and women carry their bodies and themselves differently within the United States (Martin 1998 pg. 494). Agreeing with this concept, when going through flashbacks, I can say that, when we landed in the United States, my relatives told my family and I that we had to learn English as soon as possible, start wearing American clothing, and to think outside of the Pakistani mentality. Over the course of the years, media has become such a huge part of society and I remember when President Donald Trump issued the Executive Order, many took over Twitter to form a hashtags likes, #MuslimBan, #NoMuslimBan, and #RefugeesWelcome. In the article by Jelani Ince et al, they emphasize on how social media responded toward the Black Lives Matter Movement by using hashtags (Ince et al. 2017). A hashtag is, 'to understand how people associated the words that describe this social movement with other words, and thus add and extend to the movement's original meaning' (Ince et al. 2017 pg. 1815). Not just through the hashtag, but media overall had a huge effect on the people, whereas, for me, it affected my educational opportunity and my confliction to hide my identification from others.

Looking back at these experiences, as a child and young adult, it was absolutely such an unbearable age to encounter such hatred and unfairness. In twenty years of my life, I never had thought of having two encounters because of my religious background since I always had the 'American Dream' concept in my mind and had thought of the United States as a country which allowed its people freedom and the legal rights. The United States of America had eternally been a country where one would come and fulfill their aspirations. Opposite to what we had imagined, happened. We were treated as if we had connections with the terrorists and we somehow desired to provoke others to cause trouble when in reality, still, I want to contribute within the United States educational, work-related, and other research programs. I want to prove people wrong, who constantly reminded me of how I was different and I do not fit right within the society because of my background and my faith.

However realizing now, I can see past through all the depression and rage that I had gone through as a child and young adult and as a result, it has prepared me how to manage my sentiments and simultaneously, it has also accommodated me to realize how to succeed through the unrelenting conditions.

Due to the stereotyping, I fear for the future of the adolescents that look like me and what they must be going through to just to hide their identification to 'fit' within the society. At the end of the day, everyone is the same and it is a horrible atmosphere to be unwelcomed and not be respected at all.

These circumstances have provided me with a sense of patience on how to handle situations furthermore it has granted me with the courage to thrusts through these difficulties and the strength to help others with a similar confrontation. Where I stand today, is because of these occurrences that I went through, and I am gratified upon the determination for my accomplishments that have made me into a hardworking and self-sufficient woman, who now, never lets anyone perceives her as if she is unusual from them.

Portfolio

Emotions can be represented in different methods rather than texts, it can be expressed through the creativity of music. Knowing that whenever I go through a harsh situation, I can always turn toward music because it actually keeps me grounded and the music and its lyrics, take over the body, a way where I feel more comfortable. I have developed a playlist which has all the songs (see appendix) that have apprehended my sentiments and are manifested through the verses and musical instruments.

However, I will only mention one song that I could listen to and it reflects toward my narrative of what I experience through these situations. The song is called, 'Khoon Chala' which is written in Urdu/Hindi that means, blood is raging. This song is unique that each time that I listen to this song, a sense of goosebump goes down in my spine which makes my hair stands on its ends. It is a mixture of people's response to certain circumstances, angry-poetry, delicate melody, and a soothing voice which corresponds to a poisonous combination. These cultural objects connect with my narrative because it expresses the anguish and the harassment that I endured and yet still being able to stay strong while moving forward in life is an extraordinary accomplishment and that is what my narrative is about. Becoming stronger each time someone had or has attempted to bring my self-esteem down. This list has a mixture of songs between English and Urdu/Hindi and I have never mentioned this playlist to anyone because I always thought that people might assume that the songs on the list, 'reflect and influence social structure and economic inequality' (Bryson 1996). Since I was told from a young age to never wear traditional clothes, never listen to music in Urdu/Hindi, nor talk in Urdu when I was outside of the house. I consider music to have special significant meanings towards you, and to be not judged by what their social or economic status says otherwise. Music should not define my status in society, music is something that only one can listen to it without the world knowing.

Conclusion

To tie everything together, the world we live in is so insensitive to human life and is taken for granted. Many do not understand that what makes you a terrorist is your mindset, not the appearance of your skin color nor it is you. According to the American sociologists and authors, Michael Omi and Howard Winant, they mention the word, 'Colorblindness' which is when people begin to neglect the perspective of race and start to stigmatize due to peoples faith (Omi and Winant 2014). This is only one out 1.8 billion stories that you are reading about, there is much animosity towards the Muslim community. At times it nauseates me that the world we live in have people who cannot stand the Muslim community even though we make up one-fourth of the world's population. My experiences criticized my educational and appearance just because I was not born in the United States. But over the course of this class, it taught me how people approach certain objects and situations because of the society that they grew up in. Culture and personality play a tremendous element in how people perceive or acknowledge something.

Work Cited

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