A Story About Online Dating Consequences

Introduction

In the article “A Million First Dates: How Online Romance is Threatening Monogamy,” written by Dan Slater and published in The Atlantic in January of 2013, Slater uses a character by the name of Jacob to discuss how online dating and the availability of so many new potential partners at one’s fingertips is threatening today’s relationships. Not only this, Slater also provides multiple reasons on how online dating changes a person.

The Story of Jacob

The story begins by introducing the main character, Jacob. After being single after college, and finally investing time in a committed relationship, which ended up not working, Jacob decided to sign up for two online dating sites, Plenty of Fish and Match.com. The story delves into the troubles of Jacob’s experience with online dating. Slater includes how Jacob went from being single and looking forward to a long-term committed relationship, to now being interested in multiple women and only wanting the physical aspect of the relationship. Slater then goes in-depth on Jacob’s personal feelings that accompany this transformation. It is evident that Jacob's experience is not unique, as many individuals find themselves caught in a similar cycle of transient connections. I personally believe there is a prominent argument and thesis made in the article by Slater. While discussing his new book Love in the Time of Algorithms, he mentions his argument “… the rise of online dating will mean an overall decrease in commitment.” Through the use of evidence and rhetorical appeals, I find Slater’s article effective in more ways than one, but the article could have used stronger evidence and pulled stronger, more credible sources.

Audience Appeal

Slater immediately appeals to the audience. With the use of Jacob, a very relatable thirty-year-old, who has experienced the hardships of the college dating scene, it immediately appeals to a specific audience. With the use of a narrative essay, it uses specific and sensory details to get an audience involved in certain elements and the sequence of Jacob’s story. In this article, the specific audience that Slater’s article appeals to is adults between the age of twenty to thirty years of age, as well as people who may use online dating as a main source of meeting potential partners. With the use of a narrative, the tone seems to be conversational, with the article being written in the third person. This allows the audience to get a clearer understanding of Slater’s argument. By illustrating the complexities of modern relationships, the narrative encourages readers to reflect on their own experiences and the broader societal implications.

Visual Illustrations

In Slater’s article, several illustrations created by R. Kikuo Johnson are included. These are very effective in supporting the argument and appealing to the audience. Each illustration backs up the arguments presented by Slater. For example, the main illustration which opens the article (on page forty), shows a man who I suspect is Jacob, on a date with a woman. Underneath the table, Jacob is seen on his phone using a dating app. This illustration aligns with a statement made on page forty-six, “While out with one woman, he has to silence text messages coming in from others. He needs to start paring down the number of women he’s seeing.” The illustration on page forty-three goes hand-in-hand with some of the statements and actions made by Jacob. “After two years, when Rachel informed Jacob that she was moving out, he logged on to Match.com the same day”. I suspect that Slater used visual aids to help his audience connect to the argument. Each visual aid made the argument clearer and more relatable.

Addressing Counterarguments

Dan Slater does not overlook possible counterarguments. Slater brings up one possible objection on page forty-two with the statement “: the Internet makes it easier for single people to meet other single people with whom they might be compatible, raising the bar for what they consider a good relationship.” Slater also includes Alex Mehr, who is the co-founder of Zoosk, who Slater said “is the only executive I interviewed who disagrees with the prevailing view”. Mehr views online dating sites simply as a new way to discover. “‘Online dating does nothing more than remove a barrier to meeting,’ says Mehr. ‘Online dating doesn't change my taste, or how I behave on a first date, or whether I'm going to be a good partner. It only changes the process of discovery. As for whether you're the type of person who wants to commit to a long-term monogamous relationship or the type of person who wants to play the field, online dating has nothing to do with that. That's a personality thing”. Lastly, Slater uses a quote on page forty-six that says “the internet has made it possible for people to communicate and connect… in ways that have never before been seen.” His rebuttal, though, seems to come with evidence from various sources throughout his article. The inclusion of opposing viewpoints strengthens Slater's argument by demonstrating a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

Structure and Rhetorical Appeals

The structure used by Slater is very effective. Everything mentioned above grabs the readers' attention, making the article memorable in that sense. From the very beginning of the article, Slater uses rhetorical appeals very effectively. The first pull with pathos is the use of Jacob. Slater uses Jacob to help showcase his argument that online dating can change a person. When Slater describes the relationships of Jacob’s friends, but also compares his relationships with theirs, readers might feel a tug on their heartstrings and feel bad for the protagonist. It is also very relatable in the sense that Jacob was having luck when first using the dating sites, so readers who are contemplating these sites might think that they should try these. The final pull of pathos, which is also a good use of Kairos, is the last sentence of the article, and the last mention of Jacob. Jacob says “‘Maybe I have the confidence now to go after the person I really want’ he says. ‘But I am worried that I’m making it so I can’t fall in love.’(Slater,46)” With this being the last sentence, it gets the readers thinking and puts not only Jacob’s situation on the minds of the readers but the whole article into question. It makes a person think about the role that online dating sites are playing in relationships and individuals’ love lives. By concluding with this poignant statement, Slater leaves readers with lingering questions about the impact of technology on intimacy and connection.

Credibility and Evidence

“A Million First Dates” continues to hook the readers emotionally, then Slater brings in his reasoning and evidence. Most of his credibility is established through founders of multiple dating sites, a divorce attorney and member of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers by the name of Gilbert Feibleman, a University Psychology Professor by the name of Eli Finkel, eHarmony’s relationship psychologist, Gian Gonzaga, and finally Justin Parfitt, a dating entrepreneur based in San Francisco. He also uses a survey by the name of “How has Internet Dating Changed Society?” published by Mark Brooks. Although these could be credible sources, I feel as if some stronger credible sources could have been used. Most of these sources were more opinion-based and gave opinionated views. Although Slater’s argument, personally, was effective through the use of rhetorical appeals, his argument could have come off as more opinion-based through some of his sources and evidence. The evidence is very relevant to the argument, but the evidence might lack depth. The evidence is sufficient to make the argument convincing, but personally, lacked facts and numbers. To make it more convincing and reliable, Slater could have given more statistics about couples or individuals who have used online dating sites. He also uses the word “research” quite frequently. To make his argument stronger, Slater could have been specific about the research he mentioned. This would support his evidence and strengthen his credibility.

Conclusion

Overall, I think Slater’s article is effective, but with some more solid evidence and stronger credible sources, I think readers would really take to the argument made. His use of pathos, and using a narrative, with the help of the protagonist, Jacob, readers were able to connect with the readers on a level most articles aren’t able to do. Since Jacob was the age of most individuals who use online dating, it grabbed readers’ attention right away. The use of visual aids also helped readers visualize the argument better. Slater’s argument was clear and effective. By addressing both the benefits and potential pitfalls of online dating, Slater offers a nuanced perspective that encourages readers to critically evaluate their own use of technology in romantic pursuits.

References

Slater, D. (2013). A Million First Dates: How Online Romance is Threatening Monogamy. The Atlantic. Retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com

Brooks, M. (n.d.). How has Internet Dating Changed Society? Retrieved from [Survey Source]

Finkel, E., Gonzaga, G., & Parfitt, J. (n.d.). [Interviews and Insights].

Feibleman, G. (n.d.). [Interview with a Divorce Attorney].