A True Tragic Story of Young Lovers

Several years ago I met a lovely English man. He was visiting the neighbour of a friend. We were sitting on my friends front veranda having a couple of beers when this lovely man joined us and told us the tragic story about a young girl that he deeply loved. He asked me if I could write down what he was saying. He wanted me to remember so I could tell others. I think that maybe He felt it was a way to keep his girlfriends memory alive. Or perhaps, he thought his story would help others and prevent them from making the same mistakes.

I don't know where this man is today, I can't even remember his name. he didn't want me to name him , so I didn't write it down. but I'll never forget his story and how bad I felt for him.

I was born in 1946 and grew up in London. My parents died when I was 5, so I was made to live with an abusive uncle for several years. One day our neighbour Harry witnessed the abuse and gave my uncle a pounding, He threatened to kill him if he ever touched me again. Harry was a former middle weight boxer, so he was pretty intimidating. My uncle never touched me again, he pretty much just ignored me and pretended I wasn't there, I'm not really sure why I was there? Harry and I grew close, he taught me how to box and how to sing and play guitar, he was a great man.

One night my uncle was driving drunk and smashed into another car, killing him instantly. I was only 10 at the time and wanted to live with Harry. Harry was an African immigrant, so the law would never consent. Life would have been so much better if I did. I was put into foster care . It was tough, always moving from one home to the next and I was always fighting with the other kids. I don't know why but most of them seemed to hate me.

I ran away at 14 and tried to find Harry but he had moved and no one would tell me where. So I lived on the streets. I survived on handouts and the kindness of former school friends.

At 16 I earnt a few bob singing at the local markets. People liked my music and I started to gain a few groupies. One day a band asked me if I wanted to join them as a lead singer. I jumped at the opportunity. I moved in with one of the band members and made what seemed like a lot of cash (I look back now and realise it was only barely enough to survive on). We grew quite popular with the locals, people loved the music, especially the girls.

In October, 1964, a few weeks after I turned 18, we were playing outdoors in a park. There weren't a lot of people around that day, but enough to give us a half decent wage. I spotted this beautiful girl sitting on a swing. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. She was on her own and once we finished playing I went over to talk to her. She told me her name was Jesse (short for Jessica) She said she lived in the country. She and her mother would often come to the city to go shopping. She said her mother was across the street having her hair styled. She was with her when she heard the band playing so she came to listen for a while. It was love at first sight, for both of us. We chatted for around an hour, then she had to head back to her mum. I'd never met anyone like her, she was different from the other girls, she was so innocent and pure with the biggest heart. We both desperately wanted to see each other again.

We weren't going to let distance keep us apart so we would write to each other several times a week and She and her mother would come to the city once a month. We knew her parents wouldn't approve, so we arranged to meet secretly. After one of our meetings, I did a stupid thing and asked her to run away from home and live with me. She came from a great family that loved her so much, I hate myself for this. We were young and selfish and didn't see past our own desires. Her parents didn't even know I existed, she hid all our letters and they never knew about our monthly rendezvous.

One night she quietly packed her things, hopped on a bus and moved to the city to be with me. The first 3 months were wonderful, then one day she started crying, I asked her what was wrong she said she missed her family. I hated seeing her this way and told her to go back to them. I said we could still write and see each other once a month, like we did before. When she turned 18, she wouldn't need her parents approval, we could marry and never part again. She refused, she said she didn't ever want to leave me, she couldn't bare to be away from me, even for a day, so she stayed. My selfish side was very glad she did, but now I really wish she did go back to them. We knew her parents were looking for her, but we always managed to evade them. I think she carried a lot of guilt, she knew how much her parents loved her and it pained her when she thought about how much she was hurting them.

She was so young and naive and not prepared for the way I lived. One night during a concert a very stoned associate of mine made a pass at her, I could see she was trying to push him away and she looked really scared. I jumped off the stage and told him to get his hands off of her. He said he was going to show her what a real man was made of. I pounded into him so hard I knocked him unconscious. Someone called the cops. My friends Joe and Sharon pulled Jesse away so the cops wouldn't see her. They locked me in a cell for two days. The whole time I was afraid for Jesse I knew she was scared being alone. When they released me and I arrived home she hugged me so hard and for so long, I didn't think she would ever let me go.

Back in those days it was all about drugs, sex and rock n roll. Originally Jesse refused to smoke a joint or take a trip and I never pressured her to. I thought it was good that one of us could remain sane during the experience. Eventually she joined the drug sessions, she liked it and soon joined me in my self destructive lifestyle. There were parties almost every night, because I was part of the band we didn't have to pay for the alcohol or drugs.

One night I was totally blitzed from all the booze and drugs, I started kissing someone else, I had no idea what I was doing, this girl came on to me. At first I thought it was Jesse, by the time I realised it wasn't, it was too late we were already well and truly at it. Apparently Jesse had witnessed the whole scene. Someone told me she ran crying into the street. The streets weren't safe at night , especially if you were an attractive young girl. I ran outside to look for her. I spotted 3 men running away from someone lying on the ground. I ran over to see who it was, it was Jesse, she was barely alive. Her clothes had been torn off, as they had obviously raped her and she had blood pouring from knife wounds in her chest and abdomen. I threw my coat over her and held her in my arms and told her over and over again I was so sorry, I told her I loved her and that she meant more to me than anyone else in the world. She struggled to breathe and she was in so much pain. Her last words were "I love you" then she died in my arms. She was only 17. My foolish act had cost me the life of my soul mate, I died that night with her.

Her funeral was big and held in her country town. I think everyone that lived there attended. I was told by an uncle and aunt (her parents would never speak to me) not to go, but I had to. I stood at the back of the crowd hoping her family wouldn't see me. Just as it ended and her parents turned to walk away they spotted me. I will never forget the pain on their face's followed by the look of pure hate when they saw me. A hate that I truly deserved, but I don't think anyone will ever hate me as much as I do. I only hope there is a heaven and when our time comes we'll all meet again and somehow I can make it up to Jesse and all of those that loved her.

I spent almost 2 years looking for the bastards that killed her. A friend gave me a gun and I was ready to kill them, I know I would have if I ever found them. Rumours were that they came from Germany? so I hitchhiked my way around Germany, but was never able to track them down. Eventually I realised I was never going to find them, so I drowned myself in drugs, sex, alcohol and my own self pity.

The feeling I had when I was with Jesse I cant describe, I just know it was the most incredible, powerful feeling I'd ever experienced and I've never felt the same way for anyone else. I have spent most of my life empty and lost. I feel it's not enough, I feel I need to be made to suffer more for what I did to this beautiful young innocent soul. I've always been a loser, I've never held a long term job, Alcohol has become a daily habit and I've never been able to experience true love again, in fact after losing Jesse I've never experienced any kind of love. I know it was a long time ago but I have never, nor will I ever get over losing her.

Such a sad story. Sorry if it made any of you upset.

I have censored the bad language and rephrased a few sentences, but his story and the expression of compassion in his feelings are the same. I hope that this mans tragic story might help others and I beg the youth of today to stop and think about consequences before losing themselves in the messy world of drugs and alcohol.

If anyone knows more about this story or the man involved, I'd love to hear from you. Would be great to know how this poor man is going. I do hope he finally found happiness.