Reflection on The Book Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family

Introduction

Being yourself can be scary – even more so when being yourself is not welcomed in your house or the place where you live. People either accept you as you are or accept the “fact” that you shouldn’t even be considered human. Becoming Nicole is the journey not only of Wyatt, now known as Nicole, but of her entire family.

Understanding and Acceptance

For some people, it can be harder to understand or accept someone as they are, especially if they have a very different way of looking at life or were raised differently. For others, accepting others' ways of living is easier, and they are able to provide more support for the individual in the situation. It is normal not to be as accepting as other people might be – that’s exactly what happened with Wayne, Nicole’s father. At an early age, Wyatt knew he didn’t feel like a boy even though he had a body like one. He expressed it continuously during his childhood by wearing tutus, playing with Barbies, or being girly with his friend Leah. The problem was that his own father, Wayne, couldn’t accept the fact that Wyatt felt and was a she in all aspects besides physically. The turning point for Wayne in accepting his daughter was on a late April night in 2007 when he, Kelly, and Wyatt were watching the show 20/20 with Barbara Walters on transgender children. At that point, he understood that his family was not the only one going through a similar journey, and that Nicole (Wyatt at that time) was not the only person who didn’t feel like they belonged in the body they were born in.

Family Dynamics

I believe that Wayne had a harder time accepting that reality than Kelly because he wanted the “perfect” family; that’s how he was raised. He believed that you were who you were based on the gender you were born with. The “perfect” family was husband, wife, son, and son – not husband, wife, son, and a transgender son who is now a daughter. Since the babies were born, he had already planned out the different things he was going to do or teach his boys growing up, things he had done with his own father and wanted to pass down through generations. Having such expectations and aspirations, and then having them change over time, isn’t as easy as it might sound. Kelly was more open to change and acceptance since she didn’t really grow up with the basic picture of what a family should be, so she didn’t have the expectation to have the “perfect” family that society has painted throughout time.

Societal Changes

Nowadays, in the 21st century, society is more open to change and trying to make everyone feel welcome and safe no matter who you are. An example of that would be the Fair Housing Act, which bans any discrimination with housing based on your race, religion, sex, etc. Every human being has a right to have shelter over their heads—a place to call home, where you can be comfortable and be yourself. With this Act, transgender people’s quality of life can and will improve. They can live anywhere they want without the fear of someone threatening their personal space just because they don’t agree with how people live their own lives. They will be able to be themselves and not pretend to be someone they are not in order to preserve their safety and the safety of their home.

Memorable Moments

A very moving part from the book that I won’t be able to forget is when they are at a party and Wyatt dresses up as a girl to attend. The problem was that once Wayne saw him, he freaked out and screamed at him in front of people. When Kelly heard Wayne scream, she automatically knew something was wrong and immediately jumped into defending Wyatt. But since neither of them knew the people in the neighborhood well, they couldn’t risk Wyatt getting hurt, so Kelly changed him into more boy-appropriate clothes. That definitely resonated with me, because Wyatt was still small, and he was just trying to be himself. No child should ever stop being themselves because of the risk of getting hurt by people who are not as open-minded or welcoming as others. Children should have the right to express what and how they feel in any way possible for them—if they don’t, it’s like robbing them of their own freedom. Parents should also understand that children are their own persons; you are there to love and protect them, not to dictate how they should live their lives.

Parental Support

A parent should always fight for their children’s happiness and well-being. In my perspective, that’s what Kelly always tried to do for Wyatt in order to provide a normal life for her daughter. All that effort as a mom is shown when Kelly decided to write to the Little League committee in order for Wyatt to be able to play on an all-girls team for softball. She even went to the great lengths of writing a letter to the committee explaining the situation, how there was no law saying anything against it, and consulting with a lawyer. That’s an important part of the story: it’s a mother fighting for her child’s happiness and comfort. It’s a mother fighting for what should be fair and accepted in life and not discriminated against. Sports are a universal thing that everyone has a right to be a part of or do; sports have their own language and culture, so why not let anyone play without having to restrict people based on their lifestyle?

Conclusion

In order to have a world that is fair and welcoming, we have to start by being that ourselves. We can’t provide safety for future generations if we don’t understand the different lifestyles and viewpoints of people as a society. Those little steps towards a happy, accepting life start at home with your own family, your own father, your own mother, your own sibling. Even if they might not understand at first, they would want the best for you no matter what. They’ll come to understand with time. But family is the rock that can change a life and many lives after that. The living testament to that is the Maines family. In the end, they claimed victory after a long self-searching journey as a family who fought against all odds to ensure Nicole’s true self happiness.

References:

• Ellis Nutt, A. (2015). Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family. Random House.
• U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development. (n.d.). Fair Housing Act. Retrieved from https://www.hud.gov/program_offices/fair_housing_equal_opp/progdesc/title8