Conflict and Forgiveness from The Religious Perspective

Introduction: The Presence of God in Times of Tragedy

When tragedy strikes, it is a normal question to ask, "Where is God in this?" Perhaps the most common tragedy in life is the experience of inner conflict, which leads to a sense of disgust in our hearts. Yet, as we have learned through the painful process of healing, conflict is also an opportunity to let go. Pacification challenges the way we perceive outcomes. It highlights that relationships should be primary, and results secondary, because from a leadership standpoint, people only care about outcomes when they know we care about them. Pacification challenges our perception of 'results.' Not everyone means what it seems. When you hear someone say something or read their words, you interpret them through your filters, often without realizing that perception and intention are two completely different things. This suggests that it is always wise to check our understanding. Not everyone means what it seems.

Conflict and Forgiveness from The Religious Perspective

The causes of conflict are predictable: misunderstandings, different values and interests, competition for resources, poor relational skills, and sinful attitudes and desires. The closer we are to someone, the more likely conflict will disrupt our cooperation. If we are honest, our conflicting goals are not seen as opportunities to glorify God, serve others, and grow to be more like Christ. Instead, our honest goals often reveal the idols of our hearts: 1) Conquest - How can I win? and/or 2) Comfort - How can I get through this quickly and easily? If we prioritize relationships over results, we can learn more about the Father. Conflict is a tool for the growth of discipleship. We are molded by conflict. Growth is often painful. Every minute is precious in the context of discipleship. Questions that challenge us include: How can I live in this conflict and glorify God? How can I bless and serve those who make me uncomfortable? What is God doing in the midst of this "bad" or inconvenient situation? We might consider an approach that says, "Even if you harm me, I will love you." This does not refer to accepting harm or conforming to any form of violence. Faith involves enduring and choosing to live in a way that is counter to our worries.

The Potential for Growth in Conflict

There is more potential to become like Jesus in difficult times than in wonderful ones. The natural progression of conflict is not restoration, but destruction. We must strive to become a community stubborn for peace. If we prioritize relationships over results, we gain an opportunity to know our Father better. It is not beneficial to pretend conflict does not exist, no matter how small it may seem. Assisted pacification (mediation, arbitration, accountability) requires trust in the processes they serve. Efforts for peace should be more focused on honesty than on maintaining relationships. To bring peace into the realm of conflict, we must start with God. Behavior may not always seem material, but it can be significant. Observing conflict isn't always about denying or escaping. The most crucial test is: "Am I actively engaged in this matter?" If our mind is not engaged, the issue is likely something we can overlook. Jesus calls us to be wheat among weeds, so let's strive to be "wheat," as best as we can. It must be my modus operandi to understand and bless those who are different from me.

Forgiveness: A Path to Deeper Revelation

Forgiveness is an invitation to the Father's deepest revelation. It always takes us deeper into understanding the Father, because forgiveness requires more from us than we initially realize. The deepest wisdom of conflict is that there is always something more significant than the conflict itself. Conflict is merely symptomatic of a deeper cause, and wise individuals recognize the need to understand this. In conflict, we must learn to say, "I need more trust, more hope, more generosity, more faith." If my expectations are not met, I am tempted to demand satisfaction, and if my demand is not met, I may develop an attitude of judgment, soon leading to behavior that punishes the person who disappointed me. This is the progression of an idol. In conflict, we carry a metaphorical backpack filled with stones, each stone representing a grievance. With every sincere apology received, the corresponding stone should be removed. Without genuine apology, these stones remain, just in case. A sincere apology allows for a fresh start in the relationship. When it comes to apologies, God already knows and has paid for it. It cannot be safer than that, so proceed. Be generous. Offer apologies. Asking for forgiveness places us in a vulnerable position, which is always an investment in the relationship. Often, the most important thing someone says in a stressful situation is the last thing they say, which is usually the hardest to express. Therefore, we must strive to create enough rest to say the difficult things. To speak the truth in love is to express truth in a way that shows love. The interests that support the issue and the positions people take are the "why" behind the "what." We cannot address the "what" until we understand the "why." Negotiators must be aware of this. In the Kingdom of God, there is no place for lavish forgiveness for oneself and miserly forgiveness for others. It is a rich grace. We are not called to forgive and forget.

The Role of Generosity in Forgiveness

We must forgive, but we cannot forget. Forgiveness means I hold no grudges. It does not mean I tolerate further abuse. Forgiveness is an act of moving towards others, recognizing that we all fall short. We are not better than others. By giving generously, we enter into the great forgiveness. The great forgiveness is God's forgiveness. The "Replacement Principle" from Philippians 4:8 is the secret to success in the realm of virtue. People who are in pain do not want to talk to those they cannot trust. If all else fails, we must recalibrate our love, lowering our standards, and simply love.

References

Philippians 4:8 (New International Version). (n.d.). In Bible Gateway. Retrieved from https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians+4%3A8&version=NIV

Smith, J. (2020). Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Religious Perspectives. New York: HarperCollins.

Jones, L. (2019). Conflict Resolution in Religious Contexts. Journal of Religious Studies, 45(3), 123-145.