Feelings before The Beginning of College Life

Nothing outdoorsy is coming to mind right now, although I know I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone before. I’m thinking back now to when I first left for college. I was definitely ready to get out of the house and start my next adventure, but it was still scary and different. My comfort zone was at home with my family and friends and my dog Sadie, and the risk zone was a new city and a new room with new friends and new classes and a lot of NEW experiences.

The only time that this situation put me in a panic zone was the day of my departure; I thought I had more time to prepare than I actually did, but my parents were on a strict schedule that day. I can usually handle being rushed but when my Mom told me that I had only twenty minutes left to say goodbye to everything, I immediately felt unprepared, afraid, reluctant, and panicked.

But I still got in the car and drove down to college and unpacked all my stuff and said goodbye to my parents. That was an especially difficult day and it still makes me sad when I think about it - but if I had been too scared to leave home, I wouldn’t be here now! I’ve done so many fantastic things since I started school.

I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last few months. Now I’m better at packing and preparing when I go home. Going to new places isn’t as intimidating as well, because I know that I can settle down and make new friends pretty easily.

Here’s a good one - when I crashed on my bike a few weeks ago. I was speeding to class and the ground was slick from the storm the night before. I started cruising down a hill and got scared by how fast I was going. I squeezed the brakes right as I tried to turn, and my tires skidded and the bike slid out from under me! Bike landed in a creek, I landed face first into the concrete.

My arms, face, and legs - as well as my ego - were quite bruised. The rest of that day was very confusing and fuzzy because I’m pretty sure I got a minor concussion. As I healed over the next few weeks, I stayed far away from my bike. It’s like I had PTSD and I couldn’t handle getting back on it, until one day I decided that I was fed up with walking to class. Getting back on my bike was strange, it was like I had forgotten how to ride it. I felt very shaky and unsure, and I biked really slow that first day. But I slowly got used to it again, and now I ride my bike routinely like I did before the crash.

If I had been too scared to get back on my bike, I would still be walking to class everyday, and my bike would be mocking me every time I walked by the rack outside my dorm. But I gathered enough confidence to face my fear and conquered it again. It was interesting to see how long it took me to get over my ‘shell shock’, and how weird it felt to start riding again. I still don’t bike as fast as I used to, but that’s because my bike took some damage from the crash and isn’t as dependent.

Now I know that if I ever face something scary, intimidating, or difficult, I will be able to incorporate my strategy of confronting my anxiety.

I can apply this strategy whenever I apprentice trips! Maybe even if I end up leading trips (which I really hope happens!) This is an obvious opportunity to use situational leadership, that’s what it’s all based around anyway. I would lead with quadrant 1 when my group is very inexperienced and unenthusiastic. I would first work on their morale and try to get them more excited so that they’ll actually work hard and get something valuable from their time. If they seem willing, I would change to quadrant 2 and be very directive and help each individual/the team as whole to learn necessary abilities for our trip. Once they have been trained with the right skills, I would move to quadrant 3 and push them to use those skills on their own, but I would treat them more like a peer and less like a student, so they would feel more comfortable. Once everyone is capable and confident, I’m in quadrant 4, where I can step back and watch them work together assertively, and I would provide advice/make decisions when I felt it was appropriate.

At first I thought the class was going to be repetitive because I had already done the VOLT Foundations training, but I’ve learned a lot of new things so far and the review of what I already knew was good to hear again. I enjoyed evaluating my own leadership habits and seeing how I scored differently than the last time I took it. I also liked learning about situational leadership again and hearing ideas from new people. It’s always good to get a different perspective on things and sometimes change your own opinion on the principles. I’m trying to keep an open mind for the future, and each time I am faced with a challenge that will give me an opportunity to grow, I’m going to try to evaluate the situation and use a certain leadership skill and see what happens. I guess now I am better at analyzing people’s reactions to certain events. I also really look forward to learning more knots and being more proficient with camp craft skills because I really really really would love to make this program a bigger part of my future.