Personal Statement: I Do Believe in Forgiveness

Introduction

Life is full of challenges, and at some point, we all experience pain caused by others. Whether intentional or unintentional, people hurt us in ways that leave lasting effects. These moments can test our resilience and character, pushing us to the brink of anger, resentment, and despair. However, I believe that forgiveness is the key to overcoming pain. Without it, we carry the weight of bitterness, which only serves to hold us back.

Forgiveness is not always easy, and in many cases, it feels almost impossible. Religious teachings emphasize its importance, yet applying it in real life can be a struggle. The process of forgiving can feel like a long and lonely road, especially when the wounds are deep. But through my own personal experiences, I have come to realize that forgiveness is not just about letting go of anger—it is about healing, growth, and inner peace.

The Challenge of Forgiving

Forgiveness is often portrayed as a simple act—something we should do because it is the “right thing.” But the reality is far more complicated. There are times when, no matter how much we tell ourselves we should forgive, we just can’t seem to find it in our hearts. The pain lingers, and resentment settles in, making it hard to move forward.

I have struggled with this myself. There were times when I convinced myself I had forgiven someone, only to realize later that I was still carrying the pain. In moments of reflection, I would recall their actions and feel that familiar sting of betrayal or hurt. It was frustrating because I wanted to forgive, yet I couldn’t force myself to feel it.

Religious teachings emphasize the necessity of forgiveness, with scriptures like:

“I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you, it is required to forgive all men.” (Doctrine and Covenants 64:10)

The message is clear: forgiveness is not optional—it is essential. But knowing this and truly internalizing it are two different things. There were moments when I questioned how I could ever forgive certain people in my life. It felt unfair to let go of the hurt when the other person hadn’t apologized or even acknowledged the damage they had caused.

A Personal Journey of Forgiveness

One of the most profound experiences in my life that tested my ability to forgive occurred a few years ago when my marriage fell apart. My wife and I had just welcomed our first child, a beautiful baby boy named Isaac. Becoming parents was a life-changing experience, but it also brought immense stress and sleepless nights. Between working two full-time jobs and adjusting to fatherhood, I found myself physically and emotionally drained.

Tensions between my wife and me escalated, and during one particularly heated argument, she left with our son. Days turned into weeks, and eventually months passed before I saw him again. He was only three months old when she left, and by the time I was reunited with him, he was eight months old. I had missed five months of his life—five months I would never get back.

The pain of that separation was unbearable. I felt robbed, not just of time with my son but of all the little moments that new fathers cherish—his first laugh, his first attempts to crawl, the way he looked up at me in recognition. But when I finally saw him again, he didn’t recognize me. That moment shattered me.

At first, I was consumed by anger. I resented my ex-wife for taking that time away from me, for making decisions that I felt were cruel and unjustified. I wanted her to feel the same pain I was feeling. But deep down, I knew that holding onto that anger would only hurt me in the long run.

I prayed for the ability to forgive, even when I wasn’t sure how to. It wasn’t an overnight process, and it wasn’t easy. But over time, I realized that forgiveness wasn’t about excusing her actions—it was about freeing myself from the emotional burden of resentment. I didn’t want to live with anger in my heart, especially as I worked to rebuild my life.

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

Through my personal experience, I have learned that forgiveness brings peace. It doesn’t erase the past or justify wrongdoing, but it allows us to move forward without being chained to bitterness. When I finally let go of my anger, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.

That doesn’t mean I forgot what happened. Forgiveness is not about forgetting—it is about choosing not to let past pain define your future. I chose to focus on being the best father I could be for my son, rather than dwelling on the time I had lost.

Another important lesson I learned is that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. There were days when I didn’t feel forgiving, but I reminded myself that it was a decision I had made. Over time, those small, conscious efforts helped me truly forgive.

This experience also helped me understand the importance of empathy. My ex-wife had been struggling, too. She made choices that hurt me, but she was also doing what she thought was best at the time. When I was able to see things from her perspective, it made it easier to forgive.

Why Forgiveness Matters

Forgiveness is essential in all aspects of life—not just in major conflicts but in everyday interactions. People will hurt us, sometimes intentionally, sometimes without realizing it. Holding onto grudges only poisons our hearts and minds.

In Forgiveness Therapy: An Empirical Guide for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope, Enright and Fitzgibbons (2015) discuss the psychological benefits of forgiveness, including:

• Reduced stress and anxiety
• Improved mental and emotional well-being
• Stronger relationships and social connections

Scientific studies have shown that people who practice forgiveness tend to be happier and healthier. Holding onto anger and resentment increases stress, which can negatively affect both mental and physical health.

The truth is, life is too short to let grudges consume us. There is peace in letting go—not for the sake of the person who wronged us, but for our own healing and happiness.

Conclusion

I believe in forgiveness. I believe in its ability to heal wounds, mend relationships, and bring peace even in the most painful circumstances. My experience with my ex-wife taught me that forgiveness is not about excusing or forgetting—it is about choosing to let go of resentment so that we can move forward with our lives.

Forgiveness does not always come easily, and sometimes it takes time, patience, and faith. But in the end, it is always worth it. Through forgiveness, I found strength, clarity, and a renewed sense of purpose.

No matter how deeply someone has hurt us, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. It is a path to freedom, and for that, I am truly grateful.

Works Cited

• Bible, Matthew 18:21-22 (King James Version).
• Bible, Doctrine and Covenants 64:10 (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1981).
• Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2015). Forgiveness therapy: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association.
• McCullough, M. E., Pargament, K. I., & Thoresen, C. E. (Eds.). (2000). Forgiveness: Theory, research, and practice. Guilford Press.
• Worthington, E. L. (2005). Handbook of forgiveness. Routledge.
• Witvliet, C. V., Ludwig, T. E., & Vander Laan, K. L. (2001). Granting forgiveness or harboring grudges: Implications for emotion, physiology, and health. Psychological Science, 12(2), 117-123.