close
test_template

I Hate to Make The Bed

download print

About this sample

About this sample

close

Words: 854 |

Pages: 2|

5 min read

Published: Apr 2, 2020

Words: 854|Pages: 2|5 min read

Published: Apr 2, 2020

A common issue I face when getting up is having to make the bed. What is more annoying than the monotonous task completed every day, again and again? Yet every day, the sheets fight back, the pillows flee, the very bed itself struggles against thee. What goal is more noble than to free humanity itself from this ritual, sparing 5 minutes of every bed owning man, woman, and child. How much more could we, as a people, accomplish? I was forced to make the bed as a child, and each day my mother would tell me: ¨Shalom, you lazy slob, make the bed!¨ Each day, I would respond: ¨Please no, mother… I don't want too!” She always won, and, skulking, I would drag myself to remake the bed. Why, when it would have to be made all over again? I have wracked my mind day after day- in fact, almost every time I make the bed, I try to think of a way to fix the problem. At long last, I think I've found it.

'Why Violent Video Games Shouldn't Be Banned'?

Why not make cots, not beds, the standard? I do not understand the appeal of regular beds. But no, my mother refuses to buy cots, and instead she has father buy yet more beds. Why, only a few weeks ago we spent several hundred dollars on a massive, ungainly bed, when we could have spent less than $100 for a beautiful, perfect cot. It is inefficient to buy a bed, both monetarily and in terms of time consumption. I am pained to witness this atrocity against humanity. This is a stain that must be purified, no matter the cost. I would gladly sacrifice each and every bed in America to replace them with cots, and it would be far more than worth it. We must enact a simple, final solution to the bed problem in America: mass bed internment and extermination camps.

The bed is a parasite, sucking the time and energy of our people, and we must deal with it as such. This answer may seem evil, excessive, inhumane, but it is absolutely necessary. The construction of vast furnaces to facilitate their destruction and gaping landfills to store their remains will provide millions of jobs, helping our economy grow. The recycled metal, reclaimed from beds that need them no longer, can be used to fuel America's vast war machine, their fiber skins reintegrated into ropes, and their wooden skeletons burnt into charcoal and sold. In the future, I can only hope that humanity awakens to this threat and cleanses it from our midst. Say we do not, and that we allow the bed menace to spread even further.

Think of the children. Perhaps, in the far future, when sentient beds have arisen and overtaken humanity (a scenario not too far from the truth, if mechanization and the trend of adding computers to everything continues), our children will ask us “Why didn’t you stop them, when you had the chance?” Well, why didn’t you? But the shrewd listener will respond with something along the lines of “Well, why wouldn’t sentient cots overtake humanity?” The answer, my dear reader, is that cots are not being tailor made, roboticized, or waiting to overtake humanity. Beds, by contrast, are. Why, not too long ago I saw with mine own eyes an advertisement for a bed capable of moving up and down, even folding “to prevent snoring”. The fools! The imbeciles! How long is it before they plunge even farther into techno-heresy, adding a robot brain to determine when to move to better “prevent snoring”. And then, why not give it a vocalizer, for it to read bedtime stories at night, in a wicked parody of the perfect human form! But at that point, it would be far too late, the beds would achieve sentience, and all would be lost! Can you imagine- think, if you will, of being on the frontlines of a war with the beds. I have no doubt they would know all our military secrets, listening in on the half-asleep musings of generals and leaders, preparing to strike - I have no doubts they would use this information against us, turning us against each other, preparing for their eventual reign! Picture being on the front lines, waiting for the inevitable assault, watching the emotionless lines of bed-tanks rolling up over the strongest human fortifications yet remaining after every major population center was nuked into oblivion! Verily, it is a thought I want not in mine skull. Fear not, however, my brothers, for this is a scenario which can be prevented. Purge from yourselves each bed.

Get a custom paper now from our expert writers.

My personal home does not have a bed, it has instead a couch upon which I sleep. I have lectured my relatives time and time again on the wickedness beds bring, yet they insist in wallowing in their own sin despite my warnings. If you, my dear reader, get rid of your bed, you can rest assured that you will not have to make the bed in the morning, the knowledge of which is worth a thousand sleepless nights on the uncomfortable couch.

Image of Dr. Oliver Johnson
This essay was reviewed by
Dr. Oliver Johnson

Cite this Essay

I Hate To Make The Bed. (2020, April 02). GradesFixer. Retrieved May 30, 2024, from https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/i-hate-to-make-the-bed/
“I Hate To Make The Bed.” GradesFixer, 02 Apr. 2020, gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/i-hate-to-make-the-bed/
I Hate To Make The Bed. [online]. Available at: <https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/i-hate-to-make-the-bed/> [Accessed 30 May 2024].
I Hate To Make The Bed [Internet]. GradesFixer. 2020 Apr 02 [cited 2024 May 30]. Available from: https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/i-hate-to-make-the-bed/
copy
Keep in mind: This sample was shared by another student.
  • 450+ experts on 30 subjects ready to help
  • Custom essay delivered in as few as 3 hours
Write my essay

Still can’t find what you need?

Browse our vast selection of original essay samples, each expertly formatted and styled

close

Where do you want us to send this sample?

    By clicking “Continue”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy.

    close

    Be careful. This essay is not unique

    This essay was donated by a student and is likely to have been used and submitted before

    Download this Sample

    Free samples may contain mistakes and not unique parts

    close

    Sorry, we could not paraphrase this essay. Our professional writers can rewrite it and get you a unique paper.

    close

    Thanks!

    Please check your inbox.

    We can write you a custom essay that will follow your exact instructions and meet the deadlines. Let's fix your grades together!

    clock-banner-side

    Get Your
    Personalized Essay in 3 Hours or Less!

    exit-popup-close
    We can help you get a better grade and deliver your task on time!
    • Instructions Followed To The Letter
    • Deadlines Met At Every Stage
    • Unique And Plagiarism Free
    Order your paper now