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I wonder if I was dating a human or an onion. I just remember when I was 17 years old, I felt in love I saw to the most handsome boy, we started a relationship. At the begining everything was amazing: details, smiles, true love but through the time the relationship was getting worse, he had changed he took a very strong attitude, he was calling me all the time, receive a message from him it was stressful, his sarcastics comments made me feel sad. I suffered of blackmail comments such as; if you end up with me I will kill myself I could not deal with that situation and I decided to end up with that relationship. This story is a type of dysfunctional relationship, that affects our teenage generation, where we do not feel confidence with our partner and we recognize to suffer of blackmail. Although we are in love it is important to analyze ourselves, if we are being psychologically and physically abuse, these actions allow us to develop low self-esteem that damage our health and our studies as well. Therefore people who make us feel les and take the control of us is a sign of a toxic relationship, unhealthy relation that involves effects and preventions.
According to Riso (2010) when in love relationships the infatuation is confused with love, people come to justify emotional suffering and end up entangled in a negative relationship that bitter and complicates life, because they mistakenly believe that love is like that and you have to do everything for him; In these relationships, individuals are subject to a great wear and tear by holding the relationship “alone” and many of them weaken physically and psychologically, leaving aside his own personality and essence as individuals reaching to the point of deny themselves as a legitimate others in coexistence in order to maintain a relationship irrational and anguished.(Riso, 2010). It can be difficult and often paintful, but the sarcastic comments, the excesive control and the way of behaving of our partner, allow the verbal and psychological abuse, we cannot express our opinion and we know that when a problem is comming we are all ears for our partner, but it comes to us we know that it is something wich do not count with, we feel fear and damage it emotionally.
“Emotional abuse can include verbal assault, dominance, control, isolation, ridicule, or the use of intimate knowledge for degradation. It targets the emotional and psychological well-being of the victim, and it is often a precursor to physical abuse. There is a high correlation between physical abuse and emotional abuse in batterer populations and verbal abuse early in a relationship predicts subsequent physical spousal abuse.” (Manuscript, 2013). Moreover it is incredible the presence of physical abuse, how our patner starts to mistreat our body in a low level. According to Bemgall despise both our problems and our personal merits when we have a bad day or a problem to solve we are always all ears for our partner and dedicate all our energies in supporting them or helping them to find solutions.
But nevertheless, when it comes to us, we know that having our active listening is an option that you do not count with. Furthermore it is incredible the presence of physical abuse in a relation , our partner starts to mistreat our body in a low level. Moreover it is usual to use emotional blackmail with us, our patner get mad if we do not do what they want, they impose their opinión “as the way how to dress, and people who should be part of us nearest circle”. (Psicologia, 2016).
Secondly the effects that this relationship causes, such as personality that involves low self esteem, we forget about ourselves and we feel less than our partner, exits something about us that they not value enough, we do not have dreams and we feel like we do not deserve anything. The feeling of insecurity and fear appear when it has never been there before, we have to be careful. This fear of moving toward in life, if we are with a person who puts us in an embarrasing situation and does not allow us to have our own space in order to be free and we just stuck in any area of our life it means that we are with a toxic and insecure person. It is possible the insecure person is projecting their own insecurities among us in order to feel more confident. Equally important is to show how a toxic relationship damage our health producing a vicous brain and body cycles.
According to Pamela Hobart “stress, fear and anxiety can cause symptoms such as; indigestion, nausea and vomiting, as much stress we have as much insomnia we are going to have”. (Horbart, 2016). At the same time this unhealthy relationship is affecting our health, it allows to develop low concentration in our studies, we forget about goals, our behavior , our way of be change and we do not care about our profesional and academic training.
On the other hand it is important to know how to prevent an unhealthy relationship , because if we feel that we are losing our mental, emotional and sentimental balance, we have to recognize why we want to be in a relationship, we take in consideration tree main aspects as Danny Guzman shows us in his document; firstable try to control our feelings, be sure about what we want and not take bad decisions, everything has the correct time, as a second aspect be careful with people that use to say lies , if we discover once, it is better end up inmediately because this kind of person does not respect us, and the third aspect is about character, analyze ourselves, try to be focus on what we really want and if we have a partner analyze what we do not like , what we do not know. (Guzman, 2016).
Taking decisions sometimes is going to be hard, because we love our partner, but we have to stop and speak up trying to be heard, identify the good and bad things because it is usual to notice how we stopp doing what we prefer, we do not have time to take care ourselves and what we do is just what our partner says we have to do. For these reasons it is time to think and let ourselves become in what we want, be part of someone who gives us love, patient and attention. Although we give an opportunity to our partner of change and we recognize that this type of attitudes still being part of that person we love, the best we can do is to mantain distance and say goodbye, because what we need is let ourselves grow. Nobody said that love is giving without any kind of limits. The most important is be happy, we have a clear limit, and it is respect and love for ourselves, which is above all else. We do not have to forget about our expectations, desires and dreams and try to be in a situation that is unhealthy for us . If we are immersed in a situation of this kind, we have the power to say not more and when we decide, we can put an end to suffering and we will be able to open the door and see a different reality, to a future full of concretions, optimism and good treatment.
As shown above talk about a toxic relationship includes many important aspects such as what are the characteristics that help us to recognize if we are in a unhealthy relation and being verbally abused and how this situation can affect in a negative way the personality and we develop health issues. Definitely it is important to analyze ourselves and establish a good communication with our partner, to prevent a toxic relation and be sure about what we feel, because at the beginning our relation could be amazing, but with the time it get worse, atttitudes change, excesive control, we suffer of blackmail. For this reason it is important to think if this is what we want for our life , ask to ourselve why if I am suffering I still continue being part of this person’s life . Remember it does not matter if we are in love , what matters is to be happy and avoid people who can damage ourselves.
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