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It’s been more than a year now, but his name still does what it did to me when I first heard it. My heart still beats faster and I know that I’m stuck. The point is, he’s the first guy in my life who touched my soul. The first one who has made me feel differently. Who has made me feel, something!
I changed my number after getting a new job. I kept myself busy in order to avoid thinking about him. I would roam around aimlessly just to get some peace of mind. I was sooo lost that often I would sit in the park in the dark hours alone. I would cry out loud and hope that someone would at least listen to me. I would hide my tears in my blanket and in my pillow.
I would hammer myself in the night so that no one could see me. I cried for him and it was as if my heart had been torn apart from my body.
I recollected the days when we used to spend quality time together in the park. Now it was just a space. We would fight with each other using a pillow. Here I am now fighting with myself. There were days when we slept on each other’s laps and supported our heads of each other’s shoulders. But now there was only one pair of shoulders in the room. We would go out to restaurants. He would take selfies and I would feel so happy that I had made him smile. Now when I was in a restaurant there was no one with me. There was no happiness in my life. Our relationship lasted for almost 4 years.
I ran out of tears. The pillow was too wet to be dried in the sun. I had lost count of the number of sleepless nights that I had spent. After facing all the odds and battling with depression, I decided to take charge of my life again.
I went ahead and enrolled myself in a foreign language course. I studied French. I invested my time fruitfully and kept myself busy. Time is the best healer for any kind of sorrow.
But whenever I see guys, I know that I am trying to find him in them. I know he is unique – one of a kind. I never felt the same kind of love that I had for him again.
It is said that “Time and money make you feel rich but only love makes you feel worthy”.
I still have all the pictures that we clicked together. I have all the stuff that we shared. I still remember the funny moments that I shared with him. All his innocent smiles are stored in my storage. I would always open it whenever I was alone or missed him a lot. I laughed at his funny ways. I still love him the way I used to earlier.
Don’t worry about me. I’ll amble along just fine. It’s you who needs to live with the guilt. Because I only lost the person whom I loved, but you, my dear, lost the girl who loved you the most.’
But now, I have turned into a girl who doesn’t care about anyone anymore. And today, I am mature and heartbreaks have washed off the unreal shimmer of such feelings. True love is just an illusion. It never really exists. I learnt it later in life, but thankful to you I learnt it well.
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