My Past, Present and Future Life: Journey of Self Discovery

Recounting My Past and Present Life

This is my life - my past, present, and future life. My thoughts and my experiences have shaped me over the course of 16 years on this earth. I can’t say that I know everything, but I can say that I have experienced the toughest situations in my life so far. I came from an abusive family and that was not the best thing in the world. I was mistreated by my parents and in return, I bullied my peers because it feels right to do so. I know that I was hurting people, but that is the only way that I could let go of my anger and pain, and that would have been to let others feel my pain.

Battling My Troubled Past

I didn’t want to be a burden to my friends, so every day I walked into school with a tough face and attitude. I was trying to be strong on the outside but inside was a whole different story. Somedays I would get home and look back on the exhausting day and feel terrible. In that time and moment, I wanted to take back all that I did but I couldn’t. my actions spoke louder than my words then. My life should not have been like that. I realized that I had to change because I would have always blamed others for my actions.

I should have learned from my mistakes and thought about the consequences. My anger and pain were getting to me. The following day I went back to school and I was told that one of the people that I had bullied the previous day had tried to commit suicide. I was devastated, numb and I didn’t know what to do. That event right there made me realize that I had to change for others and not only for them but also for myself.

A Turning Point

I was told that she was in hospital and I had to be brave and see her. It was terrifying, I was so scared. In my mind I knew that that was the right thing to do. I was a step in the right direction of becoming a better person. As I arrived there, outside the room, I had flowers and an apology which I had written on my way there. From a distance I could still see the hurt in her eyes. The same look in her eyes as the previous day. But I knew that what I was doing was healing, healing her and myself. I had to throw my pride out the window and face her. I still remember how scared I was, but I ended up doing it. I had sat next to her and read my note. My voice started to shake, and tears filled my eyes. I looked up at her and she said to me that she had already forgave me. All I needed to do was ask God for forgiveness.

Embracing Future Change

I was speechless. All I was able to say was “I am sorry”. I ran out crying and went straight home from there. As I got home I went down on my knees beside my bed and asked God to forgive me for all that I had done. After that moment I felt that my life was changing for the better. I started going to church all by myself and started praying for peace. My parents then after started joining me and they began to change. The family was change. I changed my group of friends and learned that they were not good for me. I began to change. I started finding myself. “My past experiences were not and could not determine who I am today and who I wanted to become in the future.”