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To battle your fears is to wage war upon yourself.
It’s normal to be afraid. There are things that we never ought to like at all. It’s a feeling of deprivation but in sense that creates the significance of a human being. I’m afraid. There are things that make you feel uncomfortable and hit you right off the bat. It’s scary.
I am afraid of losing myself. I sometimes feel like losing hope, an undecided road. I remember the time where I left my trust and faith in this one person, he broke it all away. It was cruel and I felt heavily disarmed at my faltering emotions. Everything became clear for me. Your existence proves who you really are.
What triggers my fear the most is where I am slowly feeling attached to a certain person or a certain object. When I feel both the emotions of sadness and pain in that person, I would feel the pang of uneasiness. I would question my existence. The dream of a discording reality. I would overthink. It was me against all odds.
When I feel like I’m at the peak of happiness, it would make me anxious. It’s not easy for me to breathe it all out. It wasn’t just counting the numbers with your fingers. It was a battle with your existence. It was to prove your self-worth. It was to provide the needs of the society’s framework of the ideal world. To me, it seems ruthless. It seemed unfair.
I would feel puzzled. I think about the world, the wide and vast universe itself. I’m afraid that the feeling of content and appreciation would leave me feel unloved at the moment when the certain individual would fade away. I don’t want to be left alone. I don’t want to drown in the horrific waters of distress. It would mean sacrificing an entire army, so you could just enjoy the feeling of happiness and appreciation even if it was just a millisecond. I am that desperate.
To enjoy the little things in life is to show appreciation and accepting things that are beyond the imperfections. I may be afraid to lose myself, but that wouldn’t change my views on the world. I wouldn’t change my perception and my ideals. I may be afraid to try, but I wouldn’t change my course. I want to achieve equilibrium. All is possible.
It was hope in an unveiling darkness. I feel like the need to discover and regain my self-esteem. It was the need to decode the importance of life that happiness doesn’t just happen in a flash. I was to earn it. That’s the meaning of existing.
I might be afraid to lose myself but there is always a way to walk through it. I may be able to encounter the unknown. When you think about the world, you think how fragile it is. I think that to be fragile is to be able to feel and seek the needs as a person. It’s a matter of probability and the multitudes itself. Imperfection is the essence of content and appreciation.
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