Summary of This Boy’s Life by Tobias Wolf

Adolescence is already or can be a troubling time all by itself. We are going through so many changes physically and in our cognitive development as well. Everything that we are subjected to can shape our development. We are a product of our environments. This can be a vulnerable time. This boy’s life is a memoir of Tobias Wolf's teenage years with his abusive stepfather. The movie starts with Toby and his mother Caroline. They are driving to Utah to find uranium and get rich. Its just Toby and his mother. His father left them and took his older brother with him. They hope to begin a new life. His mother is searching for financial stability and a peaceful life for herself and her son.

Caroline has not had very good luck with men in the past. In the pursuit of uranium, they were also leaving behind Caroline’s abusive boyfriend, Roy. Unbeknownst to her Roy travels to Utah and wiggles his way back into their lives for a little while. He buys Toby a Winchester rifle. Toby is very excited about this gift. He treasures it. It gives him a sense of power or control that he so desperately longs for. However, things don’t work out with Roy, and once again Toby and his mother pick up and leave. They take a bus to Seattle and aim to start over. This is where she meets Dwight, a man that seems to meet her goals. It is a façade though. He is putting on a show to attract Caroline.

Caroline is having a more difficult time trying to control Toby. He is acting out in school, doing petty crimes, and hanging around the wrong crowd. This is all in an effort for Toby to find himself and figure out where he fits in. He always feels bad for his behavior and wishes that he wasn’t like that. Toby loves his mother, but in her need for freedom and reinventing herself it creates a chaotic life for them. Toby also suffers from abandonment issues from his father leaving. When Dwight comes into the picture Toby can see right through him, and Caroline may be able to as well, but she is willing to make it work. She wants to provide Toby with a more stable life and a father figure. She decides to marry Dwight and make it work at all costs. After the wedding Toby and his mother move to Concrete to live with Dwight and his three children. It soon becomes apparent that Dwight is not who he seemed to be. He is very domineering and cruel. Despite this Caroline feels she must endure this dysfunctional relationship. She feels that she can’t run anymore. She is determined to make to make this marriage work.

Dwight soon begins to pick on Toby. He gives him many chores, he gets him a long paper route, and he makes him join the boy scouts. Dwight doesn’t give Toby his money from the paper route. He tells him that he is saving it for him for when he will really need it. However, this is a lie. Dwight is using the money for himself. Dwight is emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive to Toby. Toby’s mother doesn’t seem aware of just how abusive Dwight is to Toby. His mother later says that she won’t be a referee. This frustrates Toby further because he thinks that she should stand up for him to Dwight.

What keeps Toby going is that he knows that there must be better places out there. He dreams of leaving and reinventing himself. Toby’s older brother is a student at Yale, and Toby dreams of getting into a prep school like his brother. His grades and behavior in school aren’t going to help get him into any school let alone a prep school. He manages to get his friend Arthur to falsify his grades. He does get a scholarship to Hill School. Dwight has not been helpful during this time. He tells Toby constantly that he will never get in to any school. From watching this movie, it is clear that Dwight is a sick man who acts like a child. Everything is about him and he wants things done his way no matter what. He takes from everyone, but still he feels short-changed, put upon, and misunderstood.

Dwight wanted Caroline but he feels like it was bad luck that he got Toby as a stepson. He knows that Toby can see right through him and this only intensifies his abuse toward Toby. While watching this movie you can really identify with Toby because as teenagers, we are trying to find ourselves and that is made that much harder for Toby. We understand Caroline’s passivity, but it’s not an excuse. When it comes to Dwight, we see a pathetic but unforgettable man. In fact, everything comes to a head when Dwight and Toby get into an argument that becomes violent. As Toby and his mother are leaving Dwight yells that they will never forget him.

It would appear that Toby is in stage 5 of Erikson’s Psychosocial stages. This is Identity vs Confusion. This is where he attempts to explore his independence and develop a sense of self. He is consistently conforming to others around him. Toby is looking to fit in and find acceptance within the groups of people he comes into contact with. Toby and his mother are constantly looking for the complete family life but find themselves in a series of bad situations on their quest. Toby is surrounded by bad role models and terrible father figures.

Dwight’s style of parenting is authoritarian. This type of parenting is characterized by high demands and low responsiveness. Parents with authoritarian style have very high expectations of their children, yet provide very littles in the way of feedback and nurturance. Mistakes tend to be punished harshly. It involves a lot of psychological control. When parents take a harsh approach to control, their children are more likely to develop behavior problems in the future. And overall, research suggests that the best-adjusted, best-behaved, most resourceful, and highest-achieving kids have authoritative parents – not authoritarian ones. When it comes to Caroline, she has more of a permissive parenting style. Permissive parents are nurturing and warm, but are reluctant to impose limits. The first is good for kids but the latter can be very problematic.

In the end Toby and his mother do manage to get away from Dwight and move on with their lives. Caroline ends up getting a job in Washington D.C. and Toby goes to Hill prep school. He is later kicked out and joins the Army and ends up going to Vietnam. He went on to become a writer, novelist, and a teacher at Stanford University. He proved that he could make himself a better person and achieve his goals.