Symbolism of The Closet in The Novel Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

The novel “Speak” discusses about the story of Melinda who was going through a difficult time in her life. Melinda had to find who she was after being raped and going through high school alone. Melinda didn’t feel like she could discuss anything with anyone, and this is portrayed in many symbols that are placed within the story. According to Melinda, symbolism is “like a code, breaking into his head and finding the key to his secrets”. Melinda made comments about herself and how she related to symbolism in her eyes. Melinda stated if she was a letter like the Scarlet letter, she would be an S. “S for silent, for stupid, for scared. S for silly. For shame”. It is important to understand Melinda as who she thinks she is and the importance of correlating this with other symbols. My focus is discovering what I believe the closet symbolizes throughout the novel “Speak” and how it relates to Melinda’s growth as an individual through high school.

Melinda first stumbles across the closet when she is trying to run away from Mr. Neck. Melinda didn’t do her homework and she was trying to avoid him at all costs. She ended up going through the senior wing of the high school, where usually none of the freshmen go. This is when Melinda states that she found, “an old janitor’s closet that smells like sour sponges”. This statement allowed me to understand that this closet was abandoned, and nobody even cared that it was there anymore. Just like Melinda, she didn’t want anyone to know what happened and she wanted to be left alone. She wanted a place that was hers and that no one knew about. She wanted a place she could truly hide from reality.

Everything in the room was either broken, old, or no one thought it was important. These items included a “stained armchair”, “old-fashion desk”, “collection of mops and brooms”, “cracked mirror”, “sink littered with dead roaches crotched together with cobwebs”, and “taps … so rusted they don’t turn”. All these items were just forgotten, just like Melinda wanted to forget what happened to her that night at the party. I thought it was interesting how they stated the “dead roaches crocheted together with cobwebs” because it almost aligns with Melinda's thoughts going through her head. She is the only one that knows what occurred and she doesn’t know how to truly deal with it. It’s almost like her thoughts are all mixed in a ball and they can’t be straightened out. She thinks the best thing is to keep them to herself and that no one else will understand what she went through. This all really correlates with what the closet is to her and that it is “abandoned-it has no purpose, no name. It is the perfect place for me”. Melinda really seems that there is truly no purpose or anything that she does that could make herself useful to anyone again.

This is a place where she could think of all her thoughts without others being able to possibly know what she was thinking or about the traumatizing event that occurred. Melinda states that “my closet is a good thing, a quiet place that helps me hold these thoughts inside my head where no one can hear them”. This makes me think that in her head the closet was her place, her safe place, that no one knew about. It was a place she could run to and trust in herself that she wouldn’t accidently say something about the events at the party.

Another passage from this same section of “Speak” was when she covered the mirror with a poster of Maya Angelou (Anderson 50). I felt this was an important aspect to the closet because she didn’t want to see who she was. Maya Angelou almost seemed like someone she could look up to or emulate. Melinda also could have used this picture of Maya Angelou as an idea that she wasn’t alone. Maya Angelou was someone that was always there for her and wouldn’t judge her no matter what she had to say. It was almost like Melinda felt safe in this closet and now has someone with her, Maya Angelou, that makes her feel that someone has her best interest at heart.

Melinda states, “I want to leave, transfer, warp myself to another galaxy”. I wonder if this is what Melinda is trying to do with the closet. This could be an area that allows her to escape reality or at least escape other individuals from learning what truly occurred. No matter how hard she tries to escape what is occurring it still haunts her by watching “scary movies playing on the inside of [her] eyelids”. This passage reminds us no matter how hard Melinda tries to escape her reality; it will always come back if it isn’t faced head on. Like in the passage above, every time she closes her eyes, she is continuously reminded about that night.

Melinda ends up getting a valentine that was posted to her locker. She was hoping that it was from David, her lab partner, but it ended up being from Heather. She felt “stupid” for believing that anyone “would like the inside girl “she thinks she is. She went into her closet and fell into the brown chair and began biting her wrist and crying like a baby. She also began “thumping [her] head against the cinder-block wall”. Melinda began to think she had a connection with someone and that they were truly beginning to like her for who she was on the inside. Her emotions ended up getting the best of her, and she ended up making multiple attempts to hurt herself. This truly shows that she wants to have connection with others and be important in someone’s life. Melinda is truly moving from a place that she wants to be alone to a place that she truly wants someone to want to care. She wants to find that person that will want to know what occurred, and for them to care enough to still like her after they know the truth.

After school, Melinda goes to her closet instead of going home on the bus because she doesn’t want to have deal with everyone. She ends up addressing her Maya poster, cubist tree, and her turkey bone sculpture, which are all things that she loves. This closet is becoming to feel more like home than her actual home. Melinda states that, “It feels safer in my little hideaway” as she falls asleep in her closet. She seems like she is struggling with insomnia at home, which can be a sign of depression. Melinda doesn’t have a good home life or school life. This is her true place of escape.

Melinda is beginning to try to figure out if she should tell Rachel what happened, so that she doesn’t have the same thing happen to her. Going to the closet to debate on this issue, she begins to realize that the closet is way too small. She begins to pace in the closet, “Stupid room. What a dumb idea, sitting in a closet like this”. This is the first time that she realizes that the closet is becoming lonely and that she doesn’t need to always hide herself away. Melinda begins to realize that she needs to begin to communicate with others more and starting to find her true self again. “Maya wants [Melinda] to tell Rachel”. Maya is giving Melinda advice now on what she should do and what the best option is in the situation she’s in. The closets condition begins to break down by the “edges of [her] pictures curl in the damp”. This is demonstrating that the outside is beginning to peel away, and bits of the inner Melinda is starting to peek through, especially with the assistance of Maya. . She’s beginning to listen to her own opinion but using another authority to reassure her she is making the right decision.

Rachel found out who Andy was at Prom when he started to make advances at her. The next day everybody knew what had happened at prom and Melinda began to feel like everyone was learning who he truly was. This allowed Melinda to learn that she truly did not “want to hang out in [her] little hidy-hole anymore”. Melinda is truly beginning to feel that she can exist in the outside world. The closet, according to Melinda, could be used for someone that needs “a safe place to run to next year”. At this point, I feel that Melinda can honestly say she made the decision to not hide herself any longer. She is beginning to find herself again.

The closet ends up becoming a bigger step for Melinda in the end, because Andy comes into her safe place. This is when Melinda truly stood up for herself and faced her inner demons head on. Andy ended up locking Melinda in the closet and telling her “you’re not going to scream. You didn’t scream before. You liked it”. This is when Andy tried to rape her again and she ended up yelling ““NNNOOO!!!”. This is when she truly broke free from her silence that she was experienced the whole freshmen year of high school. This is when she truly decided to fight for herself and be strong. She found who Melinda was.

Melinda ended up placing Andy in a place of fear in the following passage. “His lips are paralyzed. He cannot speak. That’s good enough”. This is when Melinda stated to Andy, “I said no”. This is when Melinda truly felt like Andy knew what type of fear, she was in the night of the first rape. She was terrified and she felt maybe he felt just a little bit of what she felt that night. This is when somebody came to her rescue and she finally felt like someone truly cared and that she didn’t no longer need to live in silence.

Melinda had come a long way from where she was when she first started the school year in complete silence. She now is a strong woman that can stand her own ground. She found the inner voice that we all knew she had. The closet turned into a place that would make her inner self shine and learn how strong she truly was. The closet was truly a place that allowed her strength to break through and allow her to finally make her own decision on finding the true Melinda.

Works Cited

1. Anderson, Laurie Halse. Speak. R. R. Donnelley & Sons Company, 1999.