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The Change of The Students of Venus in "All Summer in a Day" by Ray Bradbury

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Words: 322 |

Page: 1|

2 min read

Published: Oct 31, 2018

Essay grade:
Satisfactory
arrow downward Read Review

See expert comments

Words: 322|Page: 1|2 min read

Published: Oct 31, 2018

Essay grade:
Satisfactory
arrow downward Read Review

See expert comments

A group of your peers is like a shield from consequencesTo improve the organization of the essay, the writer could include an introduction that establishes the main point and thesis of the analysis.

Close Comments. In the short story “All Summer in a Day”, by Ray Bradbury, the students of Venus change after they commit a tragic, mob mentality act on Margot, an odd girl who has seen the sun before. Margot was originally from Earth, so she remembers what it is like to see the sun, where as the other children have lived on Venus their whole lives.

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The other children are cruel and jealous of Margot in the beginning of the story. These other children act in a despicable manner to the one girl who is trying to give them better understanding of the world around themTo improve grammar, the writer could proofread for errors in subject-verb agreement, punctuation, and capitalization. Revise the sentence to "These other children act in a despicable manner towards the one girl who is trying to give them a better understanding of the world around them."

Close Comments. When Margot says, “It's like a penny,” the children do not believe her, calling her a liar. This is because they are jealous of what they are not familiar with. They then proceed to lock her in a closer for their own entertainment. One student on his or her own would never do this on his or her own, but with the encourage of his classmates, it is done. Because of this Margot misses seeing the sun after many years.

When the other children have had their fun outside, they walk back into class and realize that Margot is still occupying the closet. Once they found this outThe writer could aim to use consistent verb tense.

Close Comments, “They could not meet each other's glances. Their faces were solemn and pale.” They have discovered the wrong in their ways, which is why they feel so guilty. The children have changed because before the sun's appearance, they had little respect or belief in Margot. They know shame now because of the heinous act which repercussions are not even known to the reader, however they can be imagined to be life-changingThe writer could break up longer sentences into shorter ones and revise awkward phrasing. For instance, they could revise the sentence to "Their heinous act has left them with a sense of shame and guilt, even though the full repercussions are unknown."

Close Comments. The other children, for this reason are the main characters of this story, because they develop a new appreciation for Margot's metaphors, which they have found trueThey could also create a stronger conclusion that summarizes the key points and provides a final thought.

Close Comments.

Image of Dr. Charlotte Jacobson
This essay was graded by
Dr. Charlotte Jacobson
Essay’s grade:
Satisfactory
What’s grading
minus plus
Expert Review
Overall, this essay has a clear focus on analyzing the character development of the children in "All Summer in a Day" and how their actions reflect mob mentality. However, there are several areas for improvement in terms of organization, sentence structure, grammar, and voice.
minus plus
What can be improved
Organization: The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion to frame the analysis. The first sentence introduces a topic, but it does not provide any context or thesis. The body of the essay focuses on the plot of the story without connecting it back to the main point. The conclusion abruptly ends without providing a final thought or summary. Sentence Structure: The essay contains several run-on sentences and awkward phrasing that detract from the clarity of the analysis. For example, the sentence "They know shame now because of the heinous act which repercussions are not even known to the reader, however they can be imagined to be life-changing" could be revised for clarity and concision. Grammar: There are several errors in subject-verb agreement, punctuation, and capitalization. For instance, the sentence "These other children act in a despicable manner to the one girl who is trying to give them better understanding of the world around them" should be revised to "These other children act in a despicable manner towards the one girl who is trying to give them a better understanding of the world around them." Voice: The essay lacks a consistent voice and tone throughout. There are moments where the language is too informal, such as using contractions like "it's" instead of "it is." Additionally, the essay switches between present and past tense, which can be confusing for the reader.

Cite this Essay

The Change of the Students of Venus in “All Summer in a Day” by Ray Bradbury. (2018, October 26). GradesFixer. Retrieved March 28, 2024, from https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/the-change-of-the-students-of-venus-after-they-commit-a-mob-mentality-act-on-margot-in-all-summer-in-a-day-by-ray-bradbury/
“The Change of the Students of Venus in “All Summer in a Day” by Ray Bradbury.” GradesFixer, 26 Oct. 2018, gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/the-change-of-the-students-of-venus-after-they-commit-a-mob-mentality-act-on-margot-in-all-summer-in-a-day-by-ray-bradbury/
The Change of the Students of Venus in “All Summer in a Day” by Ray Bradbury. [online]. Available at: <https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/the-change-of-the-students-of-venus-after-they-commit-a-mob-mentality-act-on-margot-in-all-summer-in-a-day-by-ray-bradbury/> [Accessed 28 Mar. 2024].
The Change of the Students of Venus in “All Summer in a Day” by Ray Bradbury [Internet]. GradesFixer. 2018 Oct 26 [cited 2024 Mar 28]. Available from: https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/the-change-of-the-students-of-venus-after-they-commit-a-mob-mentality-act-on-margot-in-all-summer-in-a-day-by-ray-bradbury/
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