The Construction of Feeling Angry and Frustrated and Its Consequences in The Envy

In the narrative essay Envy, Campbell recalls a fatherless childhood filled with anger and frustration. Campbell abhors the fact that her family is nontraditional, and Envy chronicles the emotional cataclysm that anticipates her boiling point. Though Campbell is showered in support and encouragement by a loving mother and grandmother, “these Bosoms”, Campbell always longs for the absent piece of her family--her father (Moore Campbell 119). Because she attends a school of diversely assorted students, Campbell is reminded that her family doesn’t fit into the traditional image.

Campbell is pushed closer and closer to her breaking point by the constant agony and frustration she feels towards her absent father. One day in class, she lashes out towards another classmate--“a dollhouse girl”--about her teacher Miss Bradley. “I don’t care about any Miss Bradley. If she messes with me I’ll, I’ll . . . I’ll take my butcher knife and stab her until she bleeds.” (123). Campbell is so flooded with emotion, that she has snapped. Other students are shocked, as well as Miss Bradley. Her “grey eyes” penetrated Campbell. (123). Miss Bradley calls Campbell’s mother and tells her what happened.

All of Campbell’s female family members scold her and condemn her actions. Her grandmother was especially enraged. They tell Campbell’s estranged father about the incident and he writes Campbell a letter telling her to stay out of trouble, signed with “lots of love”. (130). Campbell doesn’t want a letter signed “Lots of love”, instead she wanted her father “to come and beat [her] butt or shake his finger in [her] face, or tell [her] that what [she] did wasn’t so bad after all. Anything, [she] just wanted him to come.” (130).

Campbell faces many personal issues in Envy, so I was not surprised when she lashed back to her classmate and teacher. It is extremely hard for a child to grow up without a prominent male presence in their life. It can impair their social development in many ways. Campbell resents her lack of masculinity in her life and dwells on things that will never exist in her family; “In my house there was no morning stubble, no long johns or Fruit of the Loom on the clothesline, no baritone hollering for keys that were sitting on the table..” (119). Instead, Campbell highlights the overbearing femininity; “I could have died from overexposure to femininity.” (119). “After dark the snores that emanated from the bedroom were subtle, ladylike, little moans really.” (119).

Campbell’s sudden outburst was foreshadowed throughout Envy. The drawing of Sandra, her classmate, made of "a white house with smoke coming out of the chimney," introduced the recognitions of racial differences into the essay. (122). Also, depicting Sandra as Miss America reinforced the feeling of inadequacy and made Campbell feel inferior to her classmates with normal and traditional families. It is evident that the ideal family image was something that was important, even in Campbell’s school setting.

Her family was so loving and supportive, pushing her to succeed in everything she did, yet Campbell was only noticing what she lacked in her life. Without her absentee father, nothing else in her family could overcompensate for him. She overanalyzes things her classmates say and envy them that they have a father to make them “a beautiful dollhouse for [their] birthday.” (122). Campbell wants what she cannot have, and this eats away at her emotional state.

Campbell’s essay is very well written, keeping readers interested in her encounters at home and at school. Envy is very well organized and very descriptive, especially when describing the way Campbell longed for a male presence. She made it easy to understand why she felt the way she did, and perhaps it helps explain how she reached her limit and snapped.

Almost every reader can relate and empathize with Campbell in some way. Everyone has envied someone at one point, who had something they wanted but could not have. Campbell is especially relatable to people who have grown up without a strong male presence, such as a father. Envy tells readers that no family is normal or ideal, or has to fit into any sort of traditional image. Instead, our unique families make us who we are.