The Meaning of Being a Man in 21st Century

Am I the one to blame or the society? What kind of man do you think you are or your husband or boyfriend are? Is being a man really about being rich, tall and being able to satisfy their partners? The general definition of a man is “a mature male human being”. But what separates a man from a “real man”. According to the urban dictionary being a real man means “An idiotic standard that our society came up with to make some men feel inferior and make some men and some women feel superior”. We live around very judgmental types of people. Our society doesn’t understand that everyone’s different. Just like women, Men have different personality traits. It’s not uniformed for everyman to be the same. But what really separates a man from a real man?  Since history began, different types of cultures have different types of perspective on what it means to be a man. A man was always looked at like someone who will go out to hunt for food, work on farms and take care of his family. We’re told to express our feelings and to be close with our emotions to be vulnerable and then they say being vulnerable makes you weak. I remember when I was in 1st grade, my teacher once told me “Boys make excuses. Men take responsibility”. I always grew up with the mentality of taking responsibility for my own actions. No matter how small or big the problem is. It didn’t mean just go around taking on every responsibility you can find. Being a man is about Honoring your feelings, standing up for any needs and teaching other people around you to stand up for themselves. It’s about making sure your hurt, pain, ails and sacrifices are greater than others, especially your family and friends.  

Our world right now is so much different than what it used to be. Especially nowadays for teenagers who are just stepping into adult life. It will be a lot difficult for them to be who they are because of all these social media influences. A lot of hip/hop or raps teenagers listen to are terrible monotone lyrics talking about money,sex and/or murder and i feel like this has a lot of impact on teenagers just stepping into the adult world. When they’re so influenced by something that they love, their mentality just becomes their reality. They don’t understand that being a man means being able to express yourself- what you feel without having a fear of being judged. You need to be career driven, focused, calm and open to new ideas and mindset. Being a man doesn’t mean enforcing mindless morals/ethics in regards to rules such as gender/expectations, your clothings and grooming styles, it’s not about your inane attributes, your senseless/misguided pride or harming others with no goal greater than self satisfaction. I am not saying the way you style yourself makes you less or a man. That’s your life, you chose the way you want to live it but just make sure you’re staying true to yourself and doing that because it’s what you want to do, not because you want to be accepted in society. Paul Edward Theroux, an american travel writer and novelist wrote an article about what it means to be a man. He says “I have always disliked being a man. The whole idea of manhood in America is pitiful, in my opinion. This version of masculinity is a little like having to wear an ill-fitting coat for one’s entire life”. I agree with his words, I can understand where he’s coming from. Society has made it so difficult for us to be who we are that we have to put this ill-fitting coat just to protect ourselves from the fears of being judged.  

In conclusion, everyone has a different opinion and I’ve come to realize that the word Masculinity is a joke of a concept started by our society. Be a good person, If you can try and spread love in the world than what you inherited it with, or make a small positive change to people around you or the society or even in one person’s life than in my opinion, you’ve surpassed the society’s meaning of “being a man”. Surely, you will have ups and downs in your life, you might not be at the highest spot where everything just seems like it’s falling apart, but you just have to realize that’s okay. Start expressing your feelings, it doesn’t make you less of a man to show your emotions or ask for help. If anything, that just earns you more respect and love from the people around you so fuck the society’s meaning of being a man, just be the person you are. Barring that, just be the person you would want your daughter to be around.

Works Cited

1. Urban Dictionary. (n.d.). Real Man. In Urban Dictionary. Retrieved from [URL]
2. Kimmel, M. S. (2017). Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men. HarperCollins.
3. Theroux, P. E. (2017). Being a Man. In Men Explain Things to Me (pp. 77-85). Haymarket Books.
4. Levant, R. F., & Pollack, W. S. (Eds.). (2015). A New Psychology of Men. Basic Books.
5. Good, G. E., & Sherrod, N. B. (Eds.). (2001). Gender and Psychotherapy. Taylor & Francis.
6. Courtenay, W. H. (2000). Constructions of masculinity and their influence on men's well-being: A theory of gender and health. Social Science & Medicine, 50(10), 1385-1401.
7. Wong, Y. J., Ho, M. H., Wang, S. Y., & Miller, I. S. (2017). Meta-analyses of the relationship between conformity to masculine norms and mental health-related outcomes. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 64(1), 80-93.
8. Smith, J. A., Braunack-Mayer, A., Wittert, G., Warin, M., & Rees, S. (2018). Qualitative research in men's health: Contemporary theoretical approaches and future directions. Journal of Men's Health, 14(2), 135-143.
9. Pascoe, C. J. (2011). Dude, You're a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School. University of California Press.
10. Noland, C. M., & Sathe, S. K. (2016). The Experiences of Young Men: An Exploratory Study on Masculinity and Well-Being. Journal of Men's Studies, 24(2), 155-171.