The Meaning of The Notion of Shame

When shame presents itself in people's lives it causes those to be unhappy, hide things from others, and feel a sense of guilt.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary the word shame is defined as “an uncomfortable feeling of guilt or of being ashamed because of your own or someone else's bad behaviour.

Although many people relate the words 'guilt' and 'shame' and in uniform, they refer to different experiences. Guilt tends to define our behaviour, shame defines our self-worth.

When we experience guilt instead of shame we own up to our mistakes and we are more likely to change for the better. When we experience shame instead we shift blame. And it makes us feel like we aren’t able to change.

John Bradshaw has suggested, that “ Guilt says I’ve made a mistake; shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what I did is not good; shame says I am no good.” Brene brown shares Similar views. Brene implies Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behaviour. Shame is 'I am bad.' Guilt is 'I did something bad.”

Shame is worthy of special attention. Nathanson explains that shame is a critical regulator of human social behavior. Tomkins defines shame as occurring any time that our experience of the positive affects is interrupted (Tomkins, 1987). So an individual does not have to do something wrong to feel shame. The individual just has to experience something that interrupts interest-excitement or enjoyment-joy. This understanding of shame provides a critical explanation for why victims of crime often feel a strong sense of shame, even though it was the offender who committed the “shameful” act.

Toxic shame: describes false, pathological shame, and Bradshaw states that toxic shame is induced, inside children, by all forms of child abuse. Incest and other forms of child sexual abuse can cause particularly severe toxic shame. Toxic shame often induces what is known as complex trauma in children who cannot cope with toxic shaming as it occurs and who dissociate the shame until it is possible to cope with.

Brene Brown defines shame as “The intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging — something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.

Researchers that have explored shame have invited us to differentiate shame from guilt and refer to a different experiences. John Bradshaw has suggested , that “ Guilt says I’ve made a mistake; shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what I did is not good; shame says I am no good.” Brene brown shares Similar views. Brene implies Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is 'I am bad.' Guilt is 'I did something bad.'

The thing to understand about shame is, it's not guilt. Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is 'I am bad.' Guilt is 'I did something bad.' How many of you, if you did something that was hurtful to me, would be willing to say, 'I'm sorry. I made a mistake?' How many of you would be willing to say that? Guilt: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I'm sorry. I am a mistake.

 “In itself, shame is not bad. Shame is a normal human emotion. In fact, it is necessary to feel shame if one is to be truly human… Shame tells us of our limits. Shame keeps us in our human boundaries…. Healthy shame is the psychological foundation for humility. It is the source of spirituality.”

John Bradshaw in his book, Healing the Shame that Binds You, says “Toxic Shame, the shame that binds you, is experienced as the all-pervasive sense that I am flawed and defective as a human being. Toxic shame is no longer an emotion that signals our limits, it is a state of being, a core identity. Toxic shame gives you a sense of worthlessness, a sense of failing and falling short as a human being. Toxic shame is a rupture of self with the self.” While guilt might tell a woman, “You made a mistake,” toxic shame will tell her, “You are a mistake. You are worthless, hopeless, and bad.”