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The Way My Curiosity Defines Myself and My Desires

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Words: 777 |

Pages: 2|

4 min read

Published: May 24, 2022

Essay grade:
Good
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See expert comments

Words: 777|Pages: 2|4 min read

Published: May 24, 2022

Essay grade:
Good
arrow downward Read Review

See expert comments

Curiosity has always been a cornerstone of my life; from my early days, when I was fascinated by the lights and sounds of the city, to my teenage and adult years, as I developed a fascination with the laws of Physics, mechanics, and manufacturing, which allowed us to create the machines that once were the object of my interest.It might be more accurate to say that curiosity has been a "cornerstone" rather than the "cornerstone" of the author's life, as the latter implies that there is only one defining aspect of their life.

Close Comments In many ways, I believe that this curiosity served as both my guide, and my teacher. I was interested in understanding how things worked, how they were put together, and the manner in which they operated.It might be clearer to say "I was interested in understanding how things worked, how they were put together, and how they operated" rather than "the manner in which they operated."

Close Comments This fascination saw me take apart numerous toys, remote control cars, all in a bid to understand how these objects worked. The inner workings of machines like these were made clear to me in my high school days, as I studied subject called Mechanical Maintenance, where I was introduced to machines like Lathe, Milling and operations performed on it.In this sentence, "machines like Lathe, Milling and operations performed on it" should be rephrased as "machines like the lathe and milling machines, and the operations performed on them."

Close Comments Through this subject, I learned about the world of machines, and developed an appreciation for the intricate nature of their workings. The more I learned, the more my interest grew, and thus, on completing my schooling, I chose to pursue a BE in Mechanical Engineering.

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In four years of my bachelor’s degree, I studied a lot about the nature of machines and the manner in which they are designed and operate. Moreover, my studies helped me come to appreciate the sheer importance of quality control, efficient resource use, and optimised processes. This appreciation was brought about by my study of subjects like Industrial Engineering and Management, Production Planning and Control, and Production Processes. Production Processes familiarised me with both traditional and non-traditional production methods."Production Processes familiarised me with both traditional and non-traditional production methods" could be rephrased as "Production Processes familiarized me with both conventional and unconventional production methods."

Close Comments Thus, I learned about manufacturing techniques like CNC Machining, Metal casting and forming etc. Industrial Engineering and Management helped introduce me to topics like value analysis, work study, facility design, cost accounting, and ergonomics, among others. More importantly, this subject stressed the relation between man and machine, and extolled the importance of good working conditions, efficiency, and optimisation so as to reduce cost, and increase productivity.The word "extolled" could be replaced with "emphasized" for greater clarity.

Close Comments Production Planning and Control granted me conversance with the operations of manufacturing systems, inventory management, process planning, linear programming, process scheduling, et al. Essentially, through this subject, I learned to optimise production processes so as to reduce production time, and maximise productivity. Thus, through my study for the BE, I developed an interest in Industrial Engineering.

Unwilling to be limited to academics, I also sought to ensure my growth as an individual through participating in a host of extra and co-curricular activities while at college. I was a member of Team Botix, our college’s robotics team, and participated in contests like Robowar. My team and I also won laurels like the best design award at IIT Bombay, and the second position at VJTI’s Robowar Event.The word "laurels" might not be a commonly used word in this context, and could be replaced with "awards."

Close Comments This experience, in addition to fortifying the skills that I had learned through my BE, also served to instill in me the human virtues of teamwork, leadership, and communication. Furthermore, participating in stressful events, and being given budgets and deadlines helped me learn to plan, manage, and organise tasks.In this sentence, "and being given budgets and deadlines helped me learn to plan, manage, and organise tasks" could be more succinctly phrased as "helped me develop skills in time and resource management."

Close Comments I developed, thus, the ability to work with constraints of time and resources, while optimising processes and designs so as to get the best possible results. I have also completed a two weeks of vacational training at Manugraph India Ltd, a newspaper printing machine manufacturer.In this sentence, "vacational" should be corrected to "vacational" training.

Close Comments I was trained in various departments such as Production planning and scheduling, workshop, inventory control, quality and maintenance etc. and learned a lot about the manner in which the organisation manages its raw material and human staff so as to deliver products in a timely manner.In order to truly understand all that I studied, and to ensure my development in terms of academics, I sought to understand the practicability of all that I had learned through my project work. I along with my three batch mates dedicated our final year thesis on adopting sustainable techniques in industrial sectors. Further studying and understanding the difficulties of the turning operations and its cause and effects on the environment we narrowed our project on UAT, Ultra sonic assisted turning.In this sentence, "studying" might be more accurate if changed to "researching" to emphasize the active process of learning.

Close Comments This project also helped me learn to analyse information, and come to conclusions based on the indications of efficiency therein.

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I firmly believe that my experiences through the BE course have helped shape my interest, while feeding my base of knowledge. I learned a lot about Mechanical Engineering and the processes that make up this field; and I also developed an interest in optimisation, efficiency, and quality.In this sentence, "I learned a lot about Mechanical Engineering and the processes that make up this field" could be made more precise by adding "such as" before "the processes."

Close Comments I desire, though, to further explore these fields, and thus look to the MS program in Industrial engineering at University of Texas at Arlington. In this sentence, "explore these fields" could be revised to "further explore these interests" to avoid repetition of the word "fields."

Close Comments

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This essay was graded by
Dr. Oliver Johnson
Essay’s grade:
Good
What’s grading
minus plus
Expert Review
This essay showcases the writer's journey of curiosity from childhood to pursuing a bachelor's degree in Mechanical Engineering. The essay is well-organized and flows smoothly, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The focus is mainly on the writer's experiences and interests, highlighting their passion for Mechanical Engineering and industrial processes. The essay exhibits good sentence structure, grammar, and voice, which helps convey the writer's thoughts effectively. The writer also uses appropriate synonyms to avoid repetition and maintain coherence.
minus plus
What can be improved
While the essay is well-organized and structured, there are some areas that could be improved. For instance, the writer repeats the word "fascination" in the first paragraph. Using synonyms such as "interest" or "intrigue" would avoid repetition and improve the essay's quality. Additionally, in the sentence, "Through this subject, I learned about the world of machines, and developed an appreciation for the intricate nature of their workings," the use of "appreciation" could be substituted with a more precise word, such as "understanding" or "insight." Moreover, the writer could have added more personal examples or anecdotes to support their claims and make the essay more engaging. Furthermore, while the essay exhibits good use of language, the writer could have varied their sentence structures and used more complex sentence structures to showcase their proficiency in English writing. For example, instead of repeatedly using simple sentences like "I learned," the writer could use more compound or complex sentences to demonstrate their language proficiency. Overall, to improve the essay's quality, the writer should focus on avoiding repetition, using more precise language, incorporating personal examples, and varying their sentence structures. By doing so, the essay would become more engaging, persuasive, and professional. The essay deserves a B+ grade for its structure, organization, and language use, but could be improved with the suggested modifications.

Cite this Essay

The Way My Curiosity Defines Myself and My Desires. (2022, May 24). GradesFixer. Retrieved May 26, 2024, from https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/the-way-my-curiosity-defines-myself-and-my-desires/
“The Way My Curiosity Defines Myself and My Desires.” GradesFixer, 24 May 2022, gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/the-way-my-curiosity-defines-myself-and-my-desires/
The Way My Curiosity Defines Myself and My Desires. [online]. Available at: <https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/the-way-my-curiosity-defines-myself-and-my-desires/> [Accessed 26 May 2024].
The Way My Curiosity Defines Myself and My Desires [Internet]. GradesFixer. 2022 May 24 [cited 2024 May 26]. Available from: https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/the-way-my-curiosity-defines-myself-and-my-desires/
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